AmeliaDr. Webber. What do you need?
I thought I could help, maybe be a sounding board. We could work through whatever it is you're stuck on.
Amelia
Kill the intercom, please. Dr. Webber, step over here, please. Edwards, would you mind taking a step back? (to Webber) You can be a big help. I need you to call my brother, tell him he needs to get on a plane. He's in DC, so if he goes now, he can be here in what, six hours, seven?
I'm not sure that's the best idea.
Amelia
I am in over my head. I made a mistake. I took on an impossible task and my hubris is going to kill her. Please. Get him on the phone. Get him on a plane. Get him here. Now.
You have it in your head that he's better than you, but it isn't true. I've seen him standing exactly where you are now, staring at an impossible spinal tumor, terrified, unsure where to go next.
Amelia
I know that tumor. They've got it hanging on their bedroom wall. Not the actual tumor.
Amelia
Yes. Which is why I need him here.
Shepherd, I can tell you right now what would happen if I called your brother. He would hop on a plane and seven or eight hours from now, if she hadn't already herniated, Derek would come in here and he would take this surgery, your surgery, away from you and then he would kill her because this is your plan.
Amy, I've been missing out on everything in my life. I mean, I'm watching my kids grow up on a computer. I don't want to miss my family. I don't want to miss another second. I want to coach soccer, go to ballet recitals. I don't need to change the world. Clipping aneurysms, stopping bleeds... that's the fun. That's changing the world with our hands. When did that stop being enough? Saving someone's life? That's more than enough.
Amelia
I'm glad you're back.
Amelia
I think I'm falling in love with Owen Hunt. And I'm really afraid that it's gonna destroy me.
It wouldn't be love if it didn't.
Amelia
Ever since you've been back, you guys have been reconnecting. Vigorously. You should have built thicker walls.
Amelia
What do you mean?
I didn't want to ask you, and I'm not supposed to big-brother you. And you don't need me to. There was a robbery, two shootings, and you declared two men dead. I kept thinking about Dad. I wanted to know if you're okay.
Amelia
I'm happy for you. That you're back. That you're making it work. That you're not running.
What do you mean, "running"?
Amelia
Hey, I am not judging. We are runners. I ran from my engagement. You ran from Addison. I think, after Dad, if something scares us, we sprint fast as we can. But you turned around this time. That's something. I'm inspired.
This is not about you! Everything isn't about you!
Amelia
Then what is it?!
Amelia
Yes.
Not the one today. I'm talking about the plane that had Meredith and Derek and Arizona and Mark and Lexie and... Cristina. I put them on that plane. I signed the requisition for the airline. I paid for it. I was in charge. I don't care how long I've been out of the service. It was my watch, and they were my men. And I failed them. It was my fault. So, when something like this happens today, it brings it all back up. There was a plane crash.
Amelia
Owen...
And I won't survive another plane crash, Amelia. And that's all we are.
Amelia
Who died?
Amelia
I know the face. I've been here before. Everyone thinks they are the first person in the world to ever look at a human being like that, but... It's always the same face. Who is dead?
Derek. It's Derek. I'm so, so sorry. It was an MVC accident, and he wanted to help.
Amelia
I don't need the details. Dead is dead.
I am so... So sorry. I wish there was something I could...
Amelia
Thank you for telling me.
Amelia, if there's anything I can...
Amelia
I'm good. I've done this before. I know the drill. It's not a big deal.
Amelia
I have a baggie full of black-market oxy in my coat pocket, and I'm trying to decide whether or not to take it. I've got the dead-Derek thing completely managed. I know people were worried. Since he died, everybody's been looking at me, waiting for me to fall apart or freak out or just become a mess. Like some bomb everyone thinks is supposed to go off. My mother was calling three, four times a day. Addison was calling... Everyone. It makes sense. It's natural. Every man I've ever loved has died. Including my baby. Thank you, universe. So, I should be, like... Greek tragedy, turned to stone, bat-crap crazy, but I'm good. I got this. I am fine. I'm telling you, I'm amazing. I am saving lives left and right. I am putting butts in the seats in that OR gallery. I mean, people are fighting to hear me lecture. I am entertaining. Joke, joke, joke! I'm funny! I'm fun! I'm a party! I'm doing... I'm great! I'm handling the dead Derek thing really well.
Amelia
Except today, I yelled at Richard, who was only trying to invite me for coffee, and then I went and scored oxy from this junkie doctor.
But you haven't taken any?
Amelia
Not yet. But I might. That's the thing. I really actually might. I have been sober for 1,321 days, Owen. I was fine. It was managed. But I might.
All this stuff you're... managing. You're not supposed to be managing it. You're supposed to be feeling it... Grief, loss, pain. It is normal.
Amelia
It's not normal.
It is. It is normal. It's not normal to you 'cause you've never done it. Instead of feeling it, feeling the grief and the pain, you've shoved it all down and you do drugs instead. Instead of moving through the pain, you run from it. You... Instead of dealing with being hurt and alone and afraid that this horrible, empty feeling is all there is, I run from it. I run off, and I sign up for another tour of active duty. We do these things. We run off, and we... we medicate. We do whatever it takes to cover it up and dull the sensation, but it's not normal. We're supposed to feel. We're supposed to love and hate... And hurt and grieve and break and... Be destroyed and... Rebuild ourselves to be destroyed again. That is human. That is humanity. That's... That's being alive. That's the point. That's the entire point. Don't... don't avoid it. Don't... Extinguish it.
Amelia
Derek died. He died. I don't want to feel it. I... I don't think I can. I don't think I even want to... I can't. I can't. I can't do this. I can't.
You have to. If you don't...
Amelia
No, I can't. Shh, I can't do this!
You have to. If you don't, that bag of oxy's not gonna be your last.
(Amelia breaks down in his arms.)
You're gonna be okay. You're gonna survive this, okay? Everybody does. It's perfectly normal. It's boring, even. It's so normal.
I'm sorry about leaving the patient there. I didn't want to leave him there, either. And I am sorry for not talking to you about the house.
Amelia
You don't talk to me about a lot of things.
And you're mad at me for going away, and I am sorry about that.
Amelia
That's not...
I mean, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't exist. You know, I looked around at that house, and my kids, our kids... I couldn't breathe.
Amelia
You didn't call me.
I didn't call anyone. I needed time.
Amelia
I am a neurosurgeon. I could have saved him. And you didn't call me.
Amelia
Who contacted you first? The police? The paramedics? How far away was the hospital? How long were you sitting there waiting for them to declare him brain-dead? How many hours later was it before I was even informed? How many chances did you have when you could have called me? Why didn't you call me?
There wasn't anything you could've done. He was too far gone.
Amelia
You don't know that. You don't know.
Amelia
What if I could've helped him? What if I had a chance? I pull off miracles for a living. I have proven that I can reverse the impossible. I should have been there. If I had seen him or treated him...
It was too late. By the time they... It was too late.
Amelia
How could you do it? How could you unplug him without letting me know? I didn't get to see him. I didn't get to tell him goodbye. I thought you would've at least given me the courtesy and the respect when my own brother was dying. I didn't get to tell him goodbye because of you.
I make terrible choices. I leave things behind and just let the bridges burn. I did it with Ethan. I did it with Dean. Oh, my God. I did it with my entire life. One day, I chose to learn a little bit about my birth mother. Cut to I live in her house with her daughter, and I work with the kind stranger who fathered me, and I left behind an entire life and family that no longer exists. My parents are divorced. My childhood home is sold. My mother is in Hawaii making soups now. I—I have no home. It's like I-I flew to this planet on an exploratory mission, and the earth blew up behind me and I can't go back. And now I'm here with you aliens. Except I'm the alien, and I'm all alone, and I have nothing, and no one wants me.
I can't have sex with you. (starts sobbing)
You're a cylon. This is "Galatica".
Amelia
I really do like her. She makes me not the crazy sister.
what do you think they're paying her?
[to Alex, as she gets in his car] Good morning.
Amelia
[to Maggie, as they're getting in the car] You said you were drunk. Can I at least ask if you used a condom?
Shut... up. [shuts car door]
Amelia
Look, there is a jumbo box of condoms under the bathroom sink. I share. They are for everyone.
Amelia
I was being optimistic.
Wait. That was you making all that noise last night? I thought that was Amelia. Well, you aren't shy. And you have a filthy mouth.
Okay, can we not talk about this? Please. I am begging you.
Amelia
So, the intern was good in bed.
Intern? What intern? Maggie, what intern?
Alex doesn't care about this. Do you care, Alex?
Do I care about any of this conversation? No.
Amelia
Did he visit Ladytown? Because I find if they don't go down to Ladytown the first time, there should be no next time.
No more talking! If either of you says another word, I will jump out of this car while it is moving. And Ladytown is just as bad as Ladyplace.
Amelia
Just trying to be nice. Take an interest. God.
Hey, what time do you want me at your house tonight?
Why are you coming to my house tonight?
You're having a dinner party.
Amelia
Oh, the dinner party. No, that's not tonight.
No, that's weeks away. It's on the--
Dinner party's on the 14th, Alex.
Today is the 14th. You people need adult supervision.
Amelia
You knew who she was all night, and you never bothered telling me? She killed Derek! You invite her in here. Y-you let me sit there and talk to her all I well, I hugged her! Why?! W-why would you do that to me?
Amelia
You should've told me. You should have. I thought that you and I––
(screaming) I did. nothing. to you. I lost my husband and the father of my children and you're falling apart? I don't get to do that because I have three kids, so, please, SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!
[entering the room] Meredith---
When the plane crashed, when I heard Cristina's plane had crashed, my first thought was that she was dead, and for a moment, I felt relieved. And for a moment... I felt relieved. I felt terrible for feeling it, but it was there. And I always knew on some level she'd leave me, and I wasn't ready to be hurt like that. So if she was dead, we would stay frozen in time forever. And she'd be gone, but it wouldn't be so hard. It wouldn't be a choice, to walk away, to choose something else, to move to Switzerland and start another life. I was relieved that it was over with a minimum of damage, and I hate myself for that. So I am not perfect, Amelia. I can be selfish, and I can be scared, and I make things harder than I need to. I know I do. I make things hard for us.
Amelia
Wow. That is the worst thing I have ever heard. No, really, don't ever do drugs because you will never be able to stop.
Amelia
Why are you shutting me out of this?
Because this does not concern you.
Amelia
But it concerns you?
No, it doesn't. I made a promise that I would help him keep his head above water.
Amelia
Promised who?
To Cristina. So I am watching him, and I am letting him be, and I am not sticking my nose...
Amelia
What does Cristina have to do with this? You're in some sort of three-way trust circle with Owen and his ex-girlfriend?
Amelia
God. Meredith, you are the most loyal person I have ever met to everyone except me. You're loyal to some woman halfway across the world...
Amelia
...when I am right here. Cristina left you. I'm here. I'm your sister.
You are not my sister. Cristina is my sister. You are Derek's sister, and Derek is gone.
Dr. Grey, I changed the mediastinal drains...
Amelia
(to Penny, screaming) Get out! (to Meredith) Is this why you hate me? 'Cause I remind you of him? Does it help you to hate me? Asking you not to push me. Am I like her... something you cling to to keep the memory alive? You are such a child. You wrap her around you like some sick widow shawl. The widow Grey. She's okay. She's moving on. She'll never love again, but she's holding it together. That is crap. You've given up. You are crawling into your little hole and dying. You are hollow. And Derek would be sick about it if he could see it. He would be disgusted.
I want you out of my house.
Amelia
Done!
Amelia
That's my 30 day chip. I'm sober and I'm starting back at work on Monday, so I'm trying. I'm trying.
Amelia
You can talk! That's great. They took the wires off?
Yeah, this morning. I'm just not ready to forgive you yet.
Amelia
I'm not exactly ready either. I'll see you later.
Grey's Anatomy · 1,393 quotes
