When the plane crashed, when I heard Cristina's plane had crashed, my first thought was that she was dead, and for a moment, I felt relieved. And for a moment... I felt relieved. I felt terrible for feeling it, but it was there. And I always knew on some level she'd leave me, and I wasn't ready to be hurt like that. So if she was dead, we would stay frozen in time forever. And she'd be gone, but it wouldn't be so hard. It wouldn't be a choice, to walk away, to choose something else, to move to Switzerland and start another life. I was relieved that it was over with a minimum of damage, and I hate myself for that. So I am not perfect, Amelia. I can be selfish, and I can be scared, and I make things harder than I need to. I know I do. I make things hard for us.
Wow. That is the worst thing I have ever heard. No, really, don't ever do drugs because you will never be able to stop.
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