Sanchez quotes from Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I’m afraid Rick. I’m afraid of what I’m becoming. (Dagless sniffs the air deeply) Yep… that’s me. (Points to his hair) And this is unmanageable. I used to have the best hair in the hospital. And I’m starting to get some pretty primal urges.

I didn’t wanna say, but when I went into surgery this morning, you were waving your bits out the window.

I don’t even know I’m doing it. I thought I was helping attach a drip. I went to the padre to confess, ended up washing my arse in the font.

Liz

True enough, but if you boys make another crack about my taking a shit in Dag’s car, I’ll give you the thick end of the wedge.

Okay Liz, no need to go ape!

Liz

HEY! I thought I told you…

She’s going bananas!

The cabin crew suggested we all go out and club it. I had no option. It was that or one of their B&Bs. I figured it'd be safer on the streets. For the first time ever I saw the Scotch in their natural habitat, and it weren't pretty. I'd seen them huddling in stations before, being loud but… this time I was surrounded. Everywhere I went it felt like they were watching me; fish-white flesh puckered by the Highland breeze; tight eyes peering out for fresh meat; screechy, booze-soaked voices hollering out for a taxi to take 'em halfway up the road to the next all-night watering hole. A shatter of glass; a round of applause; a sixteen-year-old mother of three vomiting in an open sewer, bairns looking on, chewing on potato cakes. I ain’t never going back… not never.

My aunt lives in Scotland; she says it's quite nice.

Well, she's wrong.

I wonder what brought them here, Liz. Was it Rick? Was it this hospital? Or was it both?

Liz

Or all three?

Can I speak frankly?

Of course.

If you act like a cheap arsehole, expect the shittiest portion.

What I do is sometimes get a tin of soup...

Yeah.

...Heat it up, poach an egg in it, serve that with a pork pie, sausage roll.

I'll get a Wimpy.

Look Sanch, I know all about Linda and I’m sorry, God knows I am. But slapping Dag’s ass about the shop ain’t gonna bring her back any. Now if Dag thinks that the only way to contain this is to boil her, then I’m backing him a hundred and ten percent. That means I could backtrack ten percent and I’d still be completely behind him.

You have no idea what this feels like old timer.

I’ve been there hombre, when I heard my wife died I could barely finish my lunch.