Garth Marenghi quotes from Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Garth Marenghi

(sitting at his desk, reading from one of his novels Slicer) Something was pouring from his mouth. He examined his sleeve. Blood!? Blood. Crimson copper-smelling blood, his blood. Blood. Blood. Blood. (Checks line)...And bits of sick.

Garth Marenghi

Greetings traveler. I'm Garth Marenghi, horror writer. Most of you will probably know me already from my extensive canon of chillers, including Afterbirth, in which a mutated placenta attacks Bristol. Back in the 1980s, I wrote, directed and starred in Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, a television program so radical, so risky, so dangerous, so goddamn crazy, that the so-called powers that be became too scared to show it, and gypped me. Much in the same way women have done ever since they sniffed out my money.

Garth Marenghi

Only now, in the worst artistic drought in broadcast history, does the channel come crawling back, cap in hand and suitably ashamed, asking if your humble fabulist, could once more retrieve Darkplace from the boxes in his spacious basement, and let it loose on its unsuspecting public. That's you.

Garth Marenghi

We're doing all we can. but I'm not Jesus Christ. I've come to accept that now.

Garth Marenghi

I have never exploded. But, I know what it would be like. Don't ask me how, I just know. I've always, just known.

Garth Marenghi

All I do, is sit down at the typewriter, and start hittin' the keys. Getting them in the right order, that's the trick. That's the trick.

Garth Marenghi

(sitting at his desk, reading from one of his novels: Slasher) Mike stared in disbelief as his hands fell off. From them rose millions of tiny maggots. Maggots!? Maggots. Maggots. Maggots. Maggots. (Checks line)...Maggots. All over the floor of the post office, in Leytonstone.

Garth Marenghi

Greetings friend, I hope you're sitting uncomfortably. Be it on your sofa, armchair or beanbag if that's how you choose to live your life. I'm Garth Marenghi, horror writer. You know everyone has a special talent. Mine is being able to write, produce, direct, act, paint. Other people are good plumbers, that's their gift.

Garth Marenghi

I think what this episode shows above all is that the human spirit cannot be overcome. You know, as a writer, if you took away my paper, I would write on my heart. If you take away my ink, I'd write on the wind. (Pauses) It wouldn't be an ideal way to work.

Garth Marenghi

(sitting at his desk, reading from one of his novels Tomb Boy) Tina screamed for nurse. But Little Miss Nurse didn't come. Little Miss Nurse was out in the backroom having a cigarette and flirting with doctor. The pain shot through her like a big bullet. She knew babies were meant to kick, but were they meant to scratch? No, they weren't.

Garth Marenghi

Salutations friend. I'm Garth Marenghi, horror writer, although I prefer the term "dreamweaver". When I wrote, directed and starred in Garth Marenghi's Darkplace for television back in the 1980s, I drew deep draughts of inspiration from the dyke of my dreams. Other times I copied the plots from dead authors on whose work the copyright had lapsed. (Shrugs) Bite me.

Garth Marenghi

This episode is really about my own desire to have a son, um, I have four daughters, and, whilst I don't blame them as such, I don't really feel they're on my side.

Garth Marenghi

In the end I picked up that pube, and I'm glad I did because it made that gent's a better place to be in. And that, is my question to the government (addresses the camera) Are you prepared to get your hands dirty, or are you gonna let things clog up the cistern.

Garth Marenghi

(sitting at his desk, reading from one of his novels Black Fang) The moonlight shone down on the place, unhindered. The gnarled parapets jagged upwards, like a bony hand of icy indifference. In the background there was a pigeon. Who knew how long the place had stood there? 40 years? 50 years? Tempus immemoria, i.e. always? But it was a bad place, that much was certain. A very bad place indeed.

Garth Marenghi

Greetings traveller. Who am I? Perhap’ you have met me twixt sleep and wake, in the penumbra of uncertainty you call “unconsciousness”. Or perhaps you’ve met me at a book signing. I’m Garth Marenghi, horror author. My business is chill-ing, pure and simple,