Liz quotes from Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Liz

Apparently she was in for a routine operation to have her toe shortened, which was really long, like a finger. Then next thing she knew this happened. All in all she’s a little off colour.

Liz

I wasn't planning on falling on my fanny Dr. Dagless, I had a vision - I'm a psychic.

And I'm Bo Derek.

Liz

No you're not.

You're right, I'm not. I guess I use sarcasm as a defense.

Liz

I see the past, the present and the future.

Tough gig!

Liz

Stop being sarcastic!

Maybe if everyone who'd ever been close to you had died, you'd be sarcastic too.

Liz

(thinking) Yes, that makes sense

Liz

I know you're lying to me, protecting me, but I'm a big girl now. In a year's time I'll be a woman. Come on, who's Renwick, Rick?

I dunno what you're talkin' about.

Liz

Yes you do

You're right. I do. Larry Renwick was admitted here last week. The guy went axe-happy on a trout farm, he killed 60 fish.

Liz

Where's this flippin' chicken!?

Who said that!? Was it you Missy? Get this into your pretty little face, I said "5 minutes"

Liz

But-

But nothing! Women like you are the reason this chicken's late in the first place. You'll be lucky if you get any of my lovely chicken if you keep up this kind of behaviour. (He turns, turns back to Liz and knocks her tray to the ground then walks back to the kitchen) Goddamn son-of-a-bitch! This is great chicken, getting nothing but flack. "Wah wah wah! When's the chicken?" Chicken's ready when I say it's ready. Ugh! Now I don't even know what I'm cooking I'm so angry. Seasoning. Hmm, now, what do I need, what do I need? Tarragon? Hmm maybe. Oregano, never heard it of it. Italian seasoning? Too vague. (Liz's PK abilities begin to move the ladle about) Old cloves, yes, bung some of them in. Sage? Nah, sage is for pork, ah I could do pork tomorrow, little bit of pork... (the ladle flies across the kitchen and knocks the chef down. Then a fork flies across into the chef) Son-of-a-bitch!

Liz

I s'pose I owe you all an apology. And Sanch?

Yes Liz?

Liz

Thanks for the lobotomy.

Not a problem. The procedure to extract psycho-kinetic ability is in its infancy, though surprisingly simple all the same.

Liz

I guess being told I couldn't get a chicken supper was the straw that broke this camel's back. It was unprofessional and girlish, it won't happen again. Buns?

C'mon Dag, what say I buy us all a drink down the drip?

I'd appreciate that, I could use a drink.

Liz

As long as it's not a screwdriver! [In reference to her killing the temp by stabbing him with screwdrivers psycho-kinetically]

Yes! I'd prefer a beer!

As I'm sure you people are aware, Won Ton's gamma radiation mumps program went west, and created a horny giant eye on legs.

Liz

I heard about that, did they ever find it?

It was found dead last night. It'd been shot in the eye.

Liz

True enough, but if you boys make another crack about my taking a shit in Dag’s car, I’ll give you the thick end of the wedge.

Okay Liz, no need to go ape!

Liz

HEY! I thought I told you…

She’s going bananas!

I wonder what brought them here, Liz. Was it Rick? Was it this hospital? Or was it both?

Liz

Or all three?