Frisky Dingo Season 1 quotes

Xander

[Xander has hit the blind Killface with his car] Hey, hey, no no man, don't move, man. I think you got a concussion.

Ow! What happened?

Xander

Hit... hit... hit... and... and they ran... hit and run, plateless gang car.

Oh! On a blind man! Crap! Yes, riding dirty, no doubt... With their... Bubba Kush. Well I, sir, am Killface. And you are in my debt... I'm in your debt.

Xander

Yeah, you have a house.

Yes, let's go to my house. take Naps. Where's my food?

Xander

Yeah, here...

My head... kills.

Xander

Um... this is actually just full of rocks.

Oh, that guy!

Xander

Yeah. [Laughs] ChickParm does that to blind people all the time.

Oh, I hate them!

Xander

Yeah, my girlfriend even did a thing on the news about it-

Is your girlfriend on the news?

Xander

My... what?

Grace Ryan? Wait a minute. Who are you? Shhhhh. You smell that? I smell crickets.

Xander

We should go to your house.

Yes, let's go to my house. Take naps. And y... what's your name? I don't even know your name.

Xander

Um... uh... mmm... Barnaby Jones.

[Beat] Barnaby Jones!

Xander

Yeah.

[Singing] People, let me tell ya 'bout my new best friend, Barnaby Jones! [Long pause] ...Nap.

Piping hot hell in a bloody hatbox!

[as Awesome X through transmission] How did he even escape anyway?

We're...dealing with that internally, X.

Inte...I'll deal with you internally!

Yes, you'd better gasp collectively, because until you find Xander Crews, I'm gonna blow one of your heads off every hour. [1 X-tacle's head axplodes] Starting now

Oh my f-ing God...

Every hour? What are we going to do?

First of all, maybe we shouldn't have agreed to have remote-controlled explosives put in our necks.

Well where were you at contract time?

Your mom's house. [X-tacle #1 points gun at #3] Cleaning! Dude I was only cleaning.

[holstering gun] Yeah, that's what I thought.

[pointing his own gun] Her vagina!

Did Awesome X seem kind of weird to you guys?

Probably just the mustache.

Yeah, mustaches are cool.

Magnum, P.I.!

Rick Simon! [The other X-tacles turn and look at him.] Also had a mustache.

What's that supposed to be?

A little ashtray.

For who?

It's...it's for my mom.

Wh--Diane still smokes?

Yeah, right in the...you know... [points at neck] the little neckhole.

Dude!

Dude I know... It's My mom

Xander

You don't know how to do anything!

I know how not to let my son run off in robot pants with a fistful of knifes!

Xander

Yeah, you're a fantastic parent.

You take that back.

Xander

[quietly] Sorry.

This is hopeless.

Xander

Look, don't worry man. At his age, I was like, chronic masturbater. Kinda, kinda still am. But the point is - I like it. I would like to masturbate right now in this car. You know? If I had my stuff with me. I would! What are we even talking about?

I'm talking about searching for Simon!

Xander

Oh.

[His GPS tracker has picked up the signal in the Robot pants] Guys, come on! He's right outside!

Wait, my paint's not dry.

I told you not to glob it on like that.

That's not Crews, that's Nearl, the local retarded wino guy.

Yeah...right now. [Taps on the the car window, which Nearl rolls down] Hey, Nearl!

I am Nearl!

You wanna make fifty bucks?

Okay!

Hey, you blind guys! You want ride?

Oh, God, thank you. Yes, please.

Xander

[to Killface] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Trusty Rusty. [to Truck Driver] Who even are you?

[hesitatingly] Uhh... The bus!

Xander

Okay. They are the bus.

This bus could use a stick-up.

Xander

[blind] Yeah, it smells like shattered dreams.

What's your names, guys?

Is this really Babar's house?

Nearl... I'm gonna kill Babar.

Okay, got the tuxedo shirt.

Uhh...what is that?

Everybody is Ken!

What is what?

That!

It's the shirt.

Really. And is it me, or is it 1987? A winged collar. Are you...doing this?

What are...what's everybody doing?

No, that's great. Maybe you and Nearl...

I'm Nearl!

...your f*cking prom date can borrow your dad's f*cking time machine...

Please don't do this.

...and fly it into the gym down there at I'm-a-jackoff High School...

Everybody!

...and slow dance to Lisa Lisa and motherf*cking Cult Jam!

Lisa Lisa, the one I adore!

[running in] I think it's the Cult Jam.

[as Ed McMahon] You are correct, sir.

No, he isn't, nor is that collar!

Can we just fix the collar?

[at sewing machine] Oh, sure, why not? I'll just do it tonight while I'm missing another recital.