Joey:I have answering machine..
Chandler: Which I bought for you.. Taught how to use it.. You thought it was a copier...

Judge: Okay, you two are asking the court for an annulment?
Rachel: Yes, your honor, and here are... are forms, all filled out.
Judge: So based on your petition you are seeking an annulment on the grounds that Mr. Geller is mentally unstable.
Ross: Fine, I'm mentally unstable.
Judge: And based on the fact that Mr. Geller is intravenous drug user.
Ross: What?!
Rachel: Uh, yes, heroin and crack.
Ross: Crack isn't even an intravenous drug!
Rachel: Well, you would know.
Judge: Now it also says here that you lied about your sexual preference before marriage?
Ross: Oh, come on!
Rachel: Ross, please, I found the magazines!
Judge: And finally that you were unable to consummate the marriage. Well, that makes sense since you're gay and addicted to heroin...

Monica: [referring to Ross' relationship with the much younger Elizabeth] Now, all jokes aside. Ross, where is this relationship going?
Chandler: Wait a minute. All jokes aside? I didn't agree to that.

Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
Chandler: Oh my...
Monica: Chandler... in all my life I never thought I'd be so lucky as to fall in love with my best -- my best -- There's a reason why girls don't do this!
Chandler: Okay, okay, I'll do it. I thought: wait, I can do this. I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that is that you -- you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?
Monica: Yes! I knew you were likely to take a wife!
Joey: Can we come in yet? We're dying out here!
Monica: Come in! Come in! We're engaged!
Joey: Yeah, you are!
Season 7

Monica: [To Richard] Getting over you was the single most difficult thing I have ever done in my life, so I don't allow myself to think about you

Monica: [to Janine] You know, you're not so quiet yourself, missy!
Chandler: [to Janine] And I'm blah? Listen, the only thing more boring than watching modern dance is having to listen to you talk about it! [in a bad Australian accent] "Oh, Chandler, I just lost myself in the movement!"

Monica: Aren't you dressed yet ?
Chandler: Am I naked again ?

Monica: Honey, that's a great idea nailing your boxes to the floor !
Chandler: I didn't nail my boxes to the floor.
Monica: Oh so you can move them !

Monica: I know of two surefire ways to shut a man up. And one of them is sex.
Rachel: What's the other one?
Monica: I don't know. I've never had to use the other one.

Monica: Joey, did you even interview this woman before you asked her to move in?
Joey: Of course I did.
Monica: What exactly did you ask her?
Joey: "When can you move in?"

Paul: [to self] Okay, you're doing well. She likes you. And you know why? Because you are a neat guy. You are the man. You are the man! [sings] "I'm just a love machine..."

Phoebe: [singing]: It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see,
One of them won 't do it but the second will set you free. Tell all your hate and anger, It's time to say goodbye. And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I worked for die!

Phoebe: [to Ross] You bought your sheets at a flea market? Come on, Ross, you gotta loosen the pursestrings a little!

Phoebe: I didn't know Playboy prints jokes.
Ross: Yeah, they print jokes, interviews, hard-hitting journalism. It's not just about the pictures!
Monica: It didn't work on Mom. It's not going to work on us.
[Joey walks in]
Ross: Hey, Joey, look -- Playboy printed my joke!
Joey: [Joey reads it and makes a slight chuckle] Whoa, whoa, whoa! Jokes? But... You guys know they have naked chicks in there, right?

Phoebe: Me, I'm more free. You know, I run like I did when I was a kid because that's the only way it's fun. You know? I mean, didn't you even run so fast you thought your legs were gonna fall off? You know, like when you were running towards the swings, or running away from Satan?
[Rachel looks confused.]
Phoebe: The neighbor's dog.