Jump off the high dive, stare into the barrel of a gun, pee into the wind!
Joey, I assure you, if I were staring into the barrel of a gun, I would be pretty much peeing every which-way.
S3 E4The One with the Metaphorical Tunnel
S3 E5The One with Frank Jr.
[Chandler enters the apartment to find Joey working with wood and the apartment filled with lumber.]
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey... so what happened -- did a forest tick you off?
You know how you're always saying we need a place for the mail?
Yeah?
Well, I decided to take it to the next step.
You're building a post office?
[While Chandler naps against the wall in his room, Joey is drilling though the wall. As he drills, the drill bit comes though the wall right next to Chandler, who slams the door at Joey.]
Oh! Uh, sorry, did I get ya?
NO, YOU DIDN'T GET ME!! IT'S AN ELECTRIC DRILL! YOU GET ME, YOU KILL ME!
[Frank Jr. is doing his own style of martial arts on Monica's balcony, she and Phoebe are watching]
What kind of martial arts is that?
No kind.
[Ross has just finished explaining the "freebie list" (list of 5 celebrities a sexual partner can sleep with without conviction from the other) to Isabella Rosselini and she laughs in shock]
IIsabella
You know, it's funny. Yesterday, I made a list of 5 goofy coffeehouse guys and I just bumped you for... that guy over there. [Ross looks away and Isabella gets away from him]
[reading his list of 5 celebrities he's allowed to sleep with] Elizabeth Hurley.
Very attractive, forgiving.
Susan Sarandon.
She's too political, to do it with her, you'd probably have to donate four cans of food first
Isabella Rosellini.
She's too international.
So?
So you gotta pick the odds, pick someone who will be in the country all the time.
Yeah, because that's why you weren't gonna get Isabella Rosellini, geography.
S3 E6The One with the Flashback
[Janice asks the six Friends if they have ever had sex with each other.]
Well, there was that one time that Monica and Rachel got together.
What?
Excuse me, there was no time!
Okay, but let's say there was. How might that go?
I'm never gonna find a roommate, ever.
Why, nobody good?
Well let's see, there was the guy with the ferrets, that's plural. The spitter. Oh-ho, and yes, the guy that enjoyed my name so much he felt the need to make a little noise every time he said it. "Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing, Bing! Great apartment, Chandler Bing, BING!"
So how many more do you have tomorrow?
Two. This photographer, who seemed really dull. And this actor guy, who I'm not sure about, because when he called and I answered the phone "Chandler Bing," he said "Whoa, short message."
Hey, where is everyone?
Oh, its already closed. Chris gave me the keys to lock up. What's wrong?
My marriage, I think my marriage is, um, kind of over.
Oh no! Why?
Because Carol's a lesbian... and... and I'm not one.
S3 E7The One with the Race Car Bed
When you guys were kids, and played, uh, "Happy Days," who were you? I was always Richie.
I was always Joanie!
Question. Was, uh, "Egg the Gellers!" the war cry of your neighborhood?
I'm not sure about buying a mattress from Janice's ex-husband. It's like cheating on Chandler.
Not at these prices!
Do you know what rust does to a boat?
Gives it that nice, antique-y look?
Rust is boat cancer.
I'm sorry. When I was a kid, I lost a bike to that.
S3 E8The One with the Giant Poking Device
If the Homo sapiens were, in fact, homo sapiens, is that why they're extinct?
Joey, Homo sapiens are people.
Hey, hey, I'm not judging!
oh my God I killed and this curse is getting stronger too to take a target that big
[The gang is trying to see if Ugly Naked Guy is alive by using a "poking device."]
He's alive! ALIVE!
And yet we're still poking him.
Retract the device! Retract the device!
He does not look happy.
And now he's showing us his poking device.
[to Ugly Naked Guy] Hey, that's never gonna reach all the way over here, buddy!
S3 E9The One with the Football
[The gang decides to play touch football.]
All right! We have to pick captains.
And then Tennilles.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Friends pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.