Rachel: No. I can't. You're a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me. Ever. God, and now I just can't stop picturing you with her. I can't. It doesn't matter what you say or what you do, Ross. It's just changed everything. Forever.
Ross: Yeah, but this...this can't be it.
Rachel: Then how come it is?

Rachel: Okay everyone, this is my last cup of coffee.
[Hangs over a couple of spots on the couch, gives it to Chandler, goes off]
Chandler: [As soon as he's sure she's out of earshot] Think I ought to tell her I ordered tea?

Rachel: What happened to your jam plan?
Monica: I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now... Babies.
Chandler: Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars.
Ross: What are you talking about?
Monica: I'm talking about me having a baby.
Ross: What?
Monica: Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan was, I was taking control of my life. So I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that's when I came up with the baby plan.
Ross: Well, aren't you forgettin' something? What, what, what is, uh, what is that guy's name? Dad!

Rachel: [After giving a very long kiss to Ross] Well, that'll be a kiss he won't forget for a few hours.
Chandler: Yeah. Or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper.
Rachel: [Pauses to think, then runs after Ross] Wait! Ross- I'm jealous! I'm jealous!

Ross: [To Monica] Cheater, Cheater, compulsive eater.

Ross: [Watching the fight on TV where Pete gets injured and talking to Monica] This is ironic. Out of your last two boyfriends, Richard didn't want to have kids, and from the looks of it now Pete can't!

Ross: Don't you realize none of this would've ever happened if I didn't think at that same moment you were having sex with Mark?
Rachel: All right. Let's say I had slept with Mark. Would you have been able to forgive me?
Ross: Yes, I would.
Rachel: You'd be okay if you knew that Mark had kissed me, and been naked with me, and made love to me?
Ross:(Hesitating) Yes.
Rachel: If you knew that our hot, sweaty, writhing bodies were...
Ross: (He covers his ears and yells) La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Okay, okay, yeah, I would have been devastated but, I would still want to be with you. Because it's, I mean it's you.

Ross: How can you not be going?
Rachel: Well, I'm not gonna go... so I think that will accomplish the not going.

Ross: When you guys were kids, and played, uh, "Happy Days," who were you? I was always Richie.
Monica: I was always Joanie!
Joey: Question. Was, uh, "Egg the Gellers!" the war cry of your neighborhood?

Ross: [spying on Rachel and Mark through the peephole in Chandler and Joey's door] Here they come, here they come. If she kisses him goodnight, I'm gonna kill myself, I swear. I can't watch this. Come on! Date over! Date over! Uh-oh, here we go. She's going in. She's going in... Wait! He's going in! He's going in! The door's closed! I can't see anything with the door closed!
Chandler: And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.

Tommy: [petting a chick in his hand] Mr. Fuzzy Man, how you doin'? Aww... [The chick poos in his hand.] Ew! Oh, ew! Gross! IDIOT! STUPID LITTLE FUZZY YELLOW CREATURE! Ooh, look at me, I'm so cute, I'm a little chick who's DISGUSTING! You're so stupid, how are you not yet extinct?
[The duck, hearing all the commotion, waddles into the kitchen and starts quacking.]
Tommy: Quack quack, quack quack! What are you quacking about? DUMB DONALD DODO!
[Tommy looks up to see the gang in the doorway, staring at him in shock.]
Chandler: Step away from the duck.

[A bedraggled Phoebe misses Joey's play, having spent all night on the phone while kept on hold by customer service.]
Joey: Hey, Pheebs -- where were ya?
Phoebe: I'm so, so sorry, Joey. I am definitely going to see your play. I swear, your play is very important to us. Thank you for your patience. Your play is the next play I'm gonna see.

[After Chandler fools around with one of Joey's sisters.]
Phoebe: How can you not know which one?
Rachel: I mean, that's unbelievable.
Monice: I mean, was it Gina?
Ross: Which one is Gina?
Rachel: Dark, big hair, with the airplane earrings.
Monica: No, no, no, that's Dina.
Chandler: You see, you can't tell which one is which either!

[Chandler has been listening to an anti-smoking hypnosis tape for women without knowing it's for women, and Joey overheard the tape and inserted his overlaping recording into it to make Chandler stop listening to it]
Joey's Voice On Recording: Joey's your best pal. You want to make him fresh sandwiches everyday. You also want to buy him thousands of dollars in pants.

[Chandler lights a cigarette]
Phoebe: Chandler, what are you doing?
Monica: Chandler!
Joey: You're smoking again?
Chandler: Well, actually yesterday I was smoking again, today I'm smoking still.