TV show quotes
[As Saffron rummages through her purse, Malcolm puts a gun to her head.]
You're gonna want to pull your claw out of that bag, nice and slow.
Relax. I'm not going for a gun or anything.
[Saffron pulls out some lipstick.]
Just freshening up.
[Mal takes the lipstick from her and tosses it away.]
You and lipstick are a dangerous combination, if I recall.
. . .
[Mal frisks Saffron.]
Mmm. You missed a spot.
Can't miss a place you've never been.
This is my scrap of nowhere. You go on, find your own.
You can't just leave me here on this lifeless piece-of-crap moon.
I can.
I'll die.
Well, as a courtesy, you might start getting busy on that, 'cause all this chatter ain't doin' me any kindness.
This was all your fault, you know. I had the perfect crime lined up.
Sure. You were gonna steal a man's beard.
No, you HOE-tze duh PEE-goo! A million-square job. The big time. I was gonna cut Monty and his crew in, but you screwed that royal.
Odd, but I don't think I'll be losing any sleep over it.
I've got the layout, entrance codes… Believe me, this practically robs itself, sweetheart.
Bye-bye, now.
[Inara cannot find work because Mal is avoiding central planets.]
Right, you're a criminal mastermind! What was the last cargo we snuck past the Alliance to transport?
That was a little dif—
What was the cargo?
[pauses, embarrassed] They were dolls.
They were little geisha dolls with big heads that wobbled!
Hey! People love those!
Well, since I can't seem to find work as Companion, I might as well become a petty thief like you!
[An uncomfortable silence descends for a moment.]
Petty?
I didn't mean petty.
What did you mean?
Suo-SHEE?
...That's Chinese for "petty".
Saffron has a notion we can walk right in there, take the Lassiter right off his shelf.
I'm confused.
You're asking yourself if I've got the security codes, why don't I go in, grab it for myself?
No. Actually, I was wondering... what's she doing on this ship?
. . .
We're in space! How'd she get here?
She hitched.
I don't recall pulling over!
. . .
Okay. I got a question. If she's got the security codes, why don't she just walk in and grab it herself?
[sarcastically] Good point!
. . .
Zoe? You ain't said a word. Time to weigh in.
Take sounds ripe enough, assuming we can fence it.
I know a guy on Persephone. Already has half dozen buyers on the bid.
But Inara ain't wrong.
[She stands to face Saffron.]
She can't be trusted.
I ain't asking you to trust her. I'll be with her on the inside the whole time.
See there? All you gotta do to be a rich woman, hon, is... get over it.
Hmm. Okay.
[Zoe belts Saffron, who falls to the floor.]
I'm in.
[Jayne is watching over Simon and River, who are talking about Saffron.]
She's a liar.
That don't exactly set her apart from the rest of us. The plunder sounds fun enough.
She's a liar, and no good will come of her.
Well, as a rule, I say, girlfolk ain't to be trusted.
[grinning] "Jayne" is a girl's name.
Well, Jayne ain't a girl! She starts in on that girl's-name thing, [reaches into his pants] I'll show her good 'n' all, I got man parts!
I'm... trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. I just... it's not coming.
. . .
[Jayne has departed.]
Afraid.
We'll be okay. Why the captain is trusting that BOO hway-HUN duh PUO-foo is beyond—
Not her. Jayne.
Afraid? Since when?
Since Ariel. Afraid we'll know.
[Durran, yet another Saffron spouse (who calls her "Yolanda"), interrupts her as she holds a gun on Mal.]
Durran, this isn't what it looks like.
Unless... it looks like… we're stealing your priceless Lassiter, 'cause... that's what we're doing. Don't ask me about the gun, though, 'cause that's new.
Well, I appreciate your honesty. Not, you know, a lot, but...
. . .
[As Saffron holds her gun on Durran, Mal draws a gun on Saffron.]
No one's killin' any folk today, on account o' we got a very tight schedule, Yo-Saff-Bridg.
How long have you been with him?
Oh— pfft! We are not together.
He's my husband.
Well, who in the damn galaxy ain't?!
. . .
[The police, whom Durran so wisely signalled for upon discovering "Yolanda", are arriving.]
Durran, peaches... just call them off. Tell them it was a mistake.
You need help, Yolanda.
I'll do anything you want me to. You know how I can make you feel.
Hmm. Please. You're embarrassing yourself.
[She spin-kicks him to the floor, knocking him unconscious.]
I'm embarrassing? Who's the dupe on the floor?
I hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your crazy time, but we gotta go.
[Saffron begins to cry quietly, apparently at the permanent loss of Durran.]
You must be loving this.
[Mal sadly shakes his head no, then nods.]
Little bit.
. . .
You won't tell anyone about me breaking down.
I won't.
Then I won't tell anyone how easily I got your gun out of your holster.
[She stands and points the gun at Mal.]
I'll take that as a kindness.
You just may be the most gullible fool I ever marked. And that makes you special.
[Jayne is on the infirmary table, temporarily paralyzed after his spill.]
[mumbling] Is [s]pine okay?
How much did they offer you to sell out me and River on Ariel?
[mumbling] Das crazy talk.
Then let's talk crazy. How much?
[Jayne's eyes move toward the door.]
[mumbling] Anybody there?
[River pokes her head in.]
[mumbling] Anybody else?
. . .
[Simon continues to work on Jayne as he talks.]
No matter what you do, or say or plot, no matter how you come down on us… I will never, ever harm you. You're on this table, you're safe. 'Cause I'm your medic, and however little we may like or trust each other, we're on the same crew. Got the same troubles, same enemies, and more than enough of both. Now, we could circle each other and growl, sleep with one eye open, but that thought wearies me. I don't care what you've done, I don't know what you're planning on doing, but I'm trusting you. I think you should do the same. 'Cause I don't see this working any other way.
[He leaves. River pokes her head in again.]
Also... I can kill you with my brain.
[Return to the desert we saw at the beginning of the episode, with Mal sitting naked on the rock.]
Yeah. That went well.
[Inara walks up behind him.]
You call this going well?
We got the loot, didn't we?
Yes, but—
Then I call this a win. What's the problem?
Shall I start with the part where you're stranded in the middle of nowhere, or the part where you have no clothes?
[Simon and Kaylee check out the "proof of alien life" exhibit: an inert creature in a cylindrical jar.]
Yep—it's a cow fetus.
Guess so. It does seem to have an awful lot of limbs.
It's mutated.
But cow? How do you figure?
It's upside down.
[Kaylee tilts her head to the side.]
Oh yeah. Cow.
And I'm out twelve bits! I really know how to show a girl a... disgusting time.
. . .
[Simon watches as Kaylee storms off. Zoe and Wash enter the exhibit.]
Oh my god, it's grotesque! Oh, and there's something in a jar.
Scared her away again, did you?
D— This may come as a shock, but I'm actually… not very good at talking to girls.
Why, is there someone you are good at talking to?
[Wash stares into the "face" of the "alien".]
[Speaking loudly, slowly, and enunciating clearly] Do not fear me! Ours is a peaceful race, and we must live in harmony.
[River unsuccessfully tries to eat a spherical treat that bobs from a string.]
My food is problematic.
Girl's a mind-readin' genius, can't even figure out how to eat an ice planet.
I got post?
Might we all want to step a few paces back before he opens that?
Ha ha! It's from my mother.
[Inara and Kaylee catch up to the post-office crowd.]
So, do aliens live among us?
Yeah. One of them's a doctor.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Firefly pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
