(Niska's men have ambushed the drop, killing the buyers and holding Mal and Wash at gunpoint)
Now I'm learning about scary.
War Stories
[Jayne and Book are working out in the cargo hold. Inara and the councilor are coming down the stairs; the two kiss, and the councilor exits the ship. Jayne leers at Inara. Inara rolls her eyes as she catches Jayne staring, and climbs the stairs back to her shuttle.]
I'll be in my bunk.
[Zoe appears.]
Jayne, grab your weapon.
[Wash and Mal are blindfolded in Niska's torture chamber.]
You okay?
[Panicking] I think I've been kidnapped.
Yeah.
[Pauses] Can you see where we are?
No.
Mal, what the hell is going on?
Ain't rightly sure.
But you've got some theories?
[Slightly irritated] Still working it through.
[Loudly] I don't want you to spare me, Mal. If you think you know what's happening then you tell me. You wouldn't spare Zoe if she were in this situation with you, would you? You would be planning, and plotting, and possibly scheming. So, whatever Zoe would do in this instance is what I wanna do. And you know why? Because no matter how ugly it gets, you two always come back. With the stories. So... I'm Zoe. Now... what do I do?
Probably not talk quite so much.
Right. Less talking. She's terse. I can be terse. Once in flight school, I was laconic. [Pause] If I'm not gonna talk, then you have to! What else?
We just gotta keep our heads.
Right. Keep our heads. That way we'll be able to, you know, keep our heads. You and Zoe have been in plenty of situations like this before, right?
Many a' time.
Many a' time, you and Zoe.
At least we know who it was took us-
Zoe and you. Together, in a tricky...[Considers this] Mal, she's my wife!
Huh?
What gives you the right to put her in a dangerous situation like this?
I didn't!
You did!
She ain't here, Wash!
No, but she would've been!
Okay.
I mean, I'm the one that she swore to love, honor, and obey.
Listen, if— [surprised] She swore to obey?
Well, no... not— [breathing heavily] But that's just my point! You, she obeys! She obeys you. There's obeying going on right under my nose!
Look, Zoe and I have a history— she trusts me.
[Annoyed] What's that supposed to mean?
Don't mean a thing, but you're making out like she blindly follows my every word; that ain't true.
Sure it is.
Not so. There's plenty orders of mine that she didn't obey.
Name one!
She married you!
[Back on the ship, Inara, Jayne, Simon, Shepherd Book, and Kaylee are anxiously awaiting Zoe's return. The door opens, and Wash and Zoe walk through.]
Thank God you're safe.
Oh my God, what happened?
Let me take a look— how bad is it?
I'm fine. [Wash and Zoe push through the crew blocking the hallway.]
Where's Mal?
Niska wouldn't let him go.
Is he alive?
For now. [Zoe hands a bundle to Simon.] Take that to the infirmary— put it on ice.
W-w-what is that?
[Simon unwraps the handkerchief, revealing Mal's ear. Inara and Kaylee gasp and turn away.]
It's his ear.
[Shepherd mutters in Chinese. Zoe turns back to the crew.]
We're getting him back!
What are we gonna do, clone him?
Well it's a clean cut; with the right equipment I should be able to reattach it. [Simon looks up.] That's assuming there's a head.
[Mal is still tied to the metal post in the torture room. Blood is dripping from where his ear has been cut off, and he is grimacing as Niska's henchmen continue to torture him.]
NNiska
Do you know the writings of a Xiang Yu?
[Straining in pain throughout] You starting a book club? What, you trying to torture— [Grunts in pain] trying to torture me?
[While Zoe and Wash are getting ready to assault Niska's Skyplex]
Grenades?
Oh, yes. Thank you, dear. [Turning to Jayne] They won't be expecting it.
Right. 'Cause they ain't insane.
. . .
[Book pulls out a rifle.]
This should do.
Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killin'?
Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.
. . .
[Everyone looks up at Jayne, who is suddenly on the balcony, fully armed.]
What?
Let's go get the cap'n.
[cuts to image of Niska and henchman looking at Mal]
HHenchman
Yep, he's dead.
Zoe; Okay, people. If it moves, shoot it.
Unless it's the captain!
Unless it's the captain.
[Mal, while fighting the torturer who once revived him when his body gave out.]
Haven't you killed me enough for one day?
[Zoe, Wash, and Jayne come across Mal's struggle with his tormentor. Jayne raises his pistol, but Zoe stops him.]
Jayne. This somethin' the Captain has to do for himself.
No! No, it's not!
[surprised] Oh.
[They open fire, killing the torturer.]
So— I hear you all took up arms in that little piece of action back there. How you farin' with that, Doctor?
I don't know. I, uh, I never— never shot anyone before.
I was there, son. I'm fair sure you haven't shot anyone… yet.
[Mal has explained Wash's desire to have the captain and Zoe sleep together to resolve "burning sexual tension".]
I know it's a... [puts Zoe's hands on his hip and shoulder] difficult mission, but you and I... [places his hands likewise on her] have to get it on.
I understand. We have no choice. [deadpan] Take me, sir. Take me hard.
[walking in] Well, somethin' about that is just downright unsettlin'.
(They lean in awkwardly to kiss, Wash grabs Zoe and pulls her away.)
We'll be in our bunk. (slaps Zoe's butt as they leave)
[sniffing] Oh, hey— [smacks Mal in the chest where he was tortured] free soup.
[Mal groans in pain.]
Trash
[As the show opens, Mal is shown sitting naked on a rock, in the middle of a desert.]
Yep. That went well.
MMonty
Mal, I want you to meet my Bridget.
[Monty steps aside to reveal Saffron, aka Mrs. Malcolm Reynolds. She and Mal draw guns on each other.]
MMonty
So... you guys have met.
MMonty
Damn you, Bridget! Damn you to Hades! You broke my heart in a million pieces! You made me love you, and then you… I shaved off my beard for you, devil woman!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Firefly pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.