Inara Serra quotes from Firefly

I got post?

Might we all want to step a few paces back before he opens that?

Ha ha! It's from my mother.

[Inara and Kaylee catch up to the post-office crowd.]

Inara

So, do aliens live among us?

Yeah. One of them's a doctor.

The Message

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[Mal, Inara and Zoe are gathered around the table, laughing.]

I thought I was gonna die.

Inara

How could he possibly—

Oh, the colonel was dead drunk. Three hours pissin' on about the enlisted men. Uh, "they're scum", uh, "they're not fighters", and, uh... and then he passed right out—boom.

We couldn't even move him. So, uh, Tracey just... snipped it right off his face.

And you never seen a man more proud of his moustache than Colonel Obrin. I mean, in all my life, I will never love a woman the way this officer loved that lip ferret.

Big, walrus-y thing—all waxed up!

Inara

Did he find out?

Oh! Next mornin', he wakes up, it's gone, and he is furious! But he can't just say, you know, "Someone stole my moustache!" So he, uh, calls together all the platoons…

We thought he was gonna shoot us!

...and, uh... Oh, he's eye-ballin' all the men somethin' fierce. Not a word. And he comes up to Tracey, and Tracey's wearing the gorram thing on his face!

He'd glued it on!

He's starin' the old man down wearing his own damn moustache!

The Message

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[Mal practices cocking and aiming his gun in the dining area when Inara comes up behind him.]

Inara

Hi.

BWAH!

Inara

[laughing] Sorry! Didn't mean to startle.

You didn't! I was just, uh… "BWAH!" That's more like a… It's a warrior like... Strikes fear into the… hearts of… You know, not altogether wise, sneaking up on a fellow when he's handling his weapon.

Inara

I'm sure I've heard that said. But… perhaps the dining area isn't the place for this sort of thing.

What do ya mean? It's the only place with a table big enough.

Inara

Of course. In that case, every well-bred petty crook knows that the small concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting.

. . .

[Inara departs. Mal melodramatically draws his gun.]

Bwah.

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[Inara answers Nandi's vid-transmitted appeal.]

Inara

It sounds like something this crew can handle. I can't guarantee they'll handle it particularly well, but...

Nandi

If they got guns and brains at all.

Inara

They've got guns...

. . .

[After Inara signs off]

Inara

I suppose you heard most of that?

Only because I was eavesdropping.

. . .

Inara

I'll contact Nandi at once, but you will be paid. I feel it's important that we keep ours... strictly a business arrangement.

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Inara

Nandi, this is Malcolm Reynolds.

Nandi

I appreciate your coming.

Well, any friend of Inara's is a strictly businesslike relationship of mine.

. . .

I'll introduce you to the rest later. They're good folk.

Can I start getting sexed already?

Well, that one's kinda horrific.

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Inara, think you could stoop to being on my arm?

Inara

Will you wash it first?

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[Simon and Inara tend to Petaline during her contractions. River waits at her feet like a catcher.]

Inara

How many babies have you actually delivered?

As the primary? This would be the first. You?

Inara

My first, too.

River

Mine, too.

. . .

River

Who do you think is in there?

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Inara

So you took to bed with Nandi. I'm glad.

Glad?

Inara

Yes! She's a dear friend, and probably in need of some comfort about now.

. . .

So, you're okay. Well, yeah. Why… why wouldn't you be?

Inara

I wouldn't say I'm entirely okay. I'm a little appalled at her taste.

[Cut later to a shot of Inara crying in her room]

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You couldn't possibly!

No, I wish I was lying, I just...You know, we'd all just made surgeon. That was it, we were the elite. The world was ours, you know?

So you had to be naked?

Naked. Yes. And, uh, on top of the statue of Hippocrates. (they laugh) Can't you just picture me?

What, naked? Oh, well, hmm, mmm...Let's see, I'mma have to conjure up a...yeah, that's, that's gonna be difficult...(laughs and pokes him in the cheek with her foot) So did the feds come?

There were no feds. (grins) Until I started singing.

Oh, no! (cracks up)

This is not--

What did you sing?

This is not funny. This, this is a morality tale about the evils of sake.

(they laugh, then turn and look at River)

SSimon (in River's head)

I would be there right now.

(back to reality, Simon and Kaylee are still laughing, having not really noticed River)

I really miss...It was, it was either that or the national anthem. I, reports vary...

You don't remember any of this?

I remember talking the feds out of telling my father. Or, or paying the feds out of telling my father. I get fuzzy on the aspect...

...

So like, never?

Well, no.

Not ever ever?

Some orders allow shepherds to marry, but I follow a narrower path.

But you still got the urge? They don't...cut it off or nothin'?

No, I'm more or less intact. I just...direct my energy elsewhere.

You mean like masturbatin'?

I hope you're not thinking of taking orders yourself?

Heheh, yeah, that's be the day.

JJayne (in River's head)

I got stupid, the money was too good.

BBook (in River's head)

I don't give half a hump if you're innocent or not. So where does that put you?

(back to reality, Jayne and Book are laughing)

Saint Jayne, got a ring to it!

I'm just trying to remember how many miracles you've performed.

I once hit a guy in the neck from five hundred yards with a bent scope, don't that count upstairs?

Oh, it'll be taken into consideration.

You made that sound kinda ominous.

...

You know, the only thing you're gonna find in New Melborne is fish and fish-related activities, so unless you got the overwhelming urge to gut sturgeon--and who hasn't, occasionally--

Inara

But it's a layover point for almost every planet this side of the system. I could--I just don't want to draw this out.

Have you decided when you're gonna tell the others?

Inara

I...No. I appreciate your not saying anything.