John Robert Crichton quotes from Farscape

D'Argo

Well at least now he's out of your nose.

Crichton

Hair.

D'Argo

Yes, that's what I meant, at least now he's out of your nose hair.

Crichton

I mean... how far are you gonna take this? Is this the end, or are you gonna try and put all the toothpaste back in the tube?

I doubt that's possible.

Crichton

But you're gonna give it the old college try, aren't you? You're gonna kill... me, Furlow, and Aeryn.

Crichton

I got plenty of reasons.

Then give me the Letterman list.

Crichton

Earth, dad, pizza, sex, cold beer, fast cars, sex, Aeryn, love.

Crichton

Even Kirk wouldn't stoop that low.

That was a television show, John. And, he made Priceline commercials.

Aeryn

Was it easy to be a hero? Leave me behind?

Crichton

You never think... you're gonna die. I didn't know.

Crichton

So that's what I'm doing. You don't have to come along. You don't have to like it. I just want you to know.

Moya and I are against this idea in totality. I'm sure Captain Crais is aware that Talyn resists also.

Chiana

You don't know how far Scorpius is in his wormhole research. You don't know where he keeps it. You don't know anything. How are you going to stop him?

Crichton

Guys, I don't see another option. Scorpius has the knowledge from my brain and I'm not going to let him shaft the universe with it.

Chiana

You're all gonna die.

Crichton

Do you see that one, Pip, or are you just guessing? We choose our own path. This one is mine. I'm going to the Command Carrier. I'm going to stop Scorpius.

Crichton

What does that taste like?

Aeryn

Yesterday.

Crichton

Oh, well, nobody can compete with that. I am so much better dead.

Sikozu

They know we’re here.

John

Oh, nothing gets by you, does it?

Sikozu

[whispering] Make them think you are dead!

John

Okay, Sputnik. [walks out to the catwalk and fires back] YOU MISSED!!

John

[about the baby] Maybe it's not mine at all.

You just won't let that rest, will you?

John

Nah, maybe it's got a little pony tail and a teeny tiny goatee.

Maybe.

John

Maybe there's half a metal face on it.

Maybe.

John

Maybe it's a royal pain in the ass, eats all the time and farts a lot.

Then we'll know it's yours.

Grayza

Remember me?

John

Oh yeah, I remember a couple of things.

Crichton! (Moves to hug him)

John

Oh! Ah - damn! You need a bath!

Never bathe, never bathe - It washes off the juice.

D'Argo

Well, to use one of your expressions, you're gonna have to take one for the team.

Crichton

Technically, I've taken two!

D'Argo

And now it's time for the triple.

Hello, Crichton.

Crichton

Hiya, Braca. Let me ask you a question. You're a man of the world, right? Does my ass look big in these pants?