Frank Murphy quotes from F Is for Family

Bill Murphy

That night last year, when I puked all over the table - I puked because I was hiding under the bed when you and Mom were...

Frank Murphy

NO!!!!! OH... JESUS CHRIST!!!!! NO!!!!!

Frank Murphy

I don't care... what you do... for the rest of your life... as long... as you never speak a word of this to your mother, okay? That woman's already half dead from you kids, and th-this would put her in the ground. You hear me?

Bill Murphy

Okay. Can I still be your cop?

Frank Murphy

Only if you promise to arrest me and put me on death row.

That's enough of your "poor me" bullshit!

Frank Murphy

What did I do?!

Frank Murphy. This family supported you these past few weeks when all you could do was talk about Buster Thunder! So it didn't work out! And now you blame him for your shitty mood. There's always somebody to blame. Bob Pogo, or Roger Dunbarton...

Maureen Murphy

Grandma Nora.

Kevin Murphy

The Beatles.

Bill Murphy

Johnny Unitas that one time.

Frank Murphy

Now Bill, I've told you a thousand times, that was Earl Morrall's fault! [getting angrier and louder] Christ's sake, they put Unitas in at the end of the game, he almost pulled it out! Shit, if they put him in earlier, like they should have, they would've won instead of losing to Joe Willie Namath, THAT PANTYHOSE-WEARING FUCKING JACKASS!

Frank Murphy

What?! It's true!

But your favorite person to blame is your father. Well, he's not here - but we are. All we want is to have a nice Christmas as a family, but you chose to mope around all day.

Frank Murphy

[furiously] IT'S NOT MY CHOICE, SUSAN! LIFE DECIDES!

Nice going, Frank. Hell of a first Christmas for your daughter.

Frank Murphy

[quietly, ashamed over his tirade] Maybe I should take a drive or something... clear my head.

Nobody here is stopping you.

Frank Murphy

Perfect. Perfect. Of all the things he could've said to me when he was dying, he puts in a song request. That selfish son of a bitch.

He wasn't all bad. He just didn't know how to be a dad.

Frank Murphy

How fսcking hard is it to not be an asshоlе to your own kid?

Well, you're here drinking on Christmas, so you tell me.