Ephram Brown quotes from Everwood

So, where's this date taking place?

Ephram

I don't know. I'm still working on it.

Okay, not a problem. So what are your options?

Ephram

I live in Everwood. Its either the $1.50 movie theater or the $3.00 movie theater, both of which are currently playing Lilo and Stitch.

Ever hear of Ezekiel's?

Ephram

No, but it sounds religious which doesn't exactly spell out 'action' in my mind.

Laynie

You looked so uncomfortable the other day. Like I embarrassed you or something.

Ephram

Look, I'm gonna mess up because that's just what I do. But at least give me a chance to mess up. I mean, I'm capable of such stupidity that you'd be wasting my talent by ending this now.

Ephram

[about Dr. Brown] Why don't you just leave him? We don't need him, he-he doesn't do anything. We could move away from here. I could help take care of Delia.

We do need him. I need him, Ephram. I know you don't understand but I love your father very much. I couldn't imagine my life without him. And I'm telling you, this family wouldn't work without him.

Ephram

You know, I've been angry at you. I've been hating you for a long time now. And I was wrong. You never deserved to be treated that way. Sorry.

Andy

You know you don't need to apologize, Ephram. I failed you as a father for 15 years. I was never there for you or your mother. That's why sometimes you feel like throwing me off a cliff and that's why your mother did what she did. And I don't blame either of you for it.

Late again, Brown.

Ephram

I got stuck in lab. Still working on my study of why playing sports makes you call people by their last name.

Oh, you think I'm naïve.

Ephram

If you can't figure out why 28 year-old guys date high school girls, I can't help you.

Amy

Is this seat taken?

Ephram

I'm afraid you can't sit here. This is a very exclusive outcast table. You have to have a special pass.

Amy

I think I have one.

Ephram

Well, there have been a lot of fakes going around. Who gave you yours?

Amy

Colin Hart.

Ephram

Ah, you're probably okay then.

Bright

Ephram, hey. You know the Spring Formal coming up?

Ephram

It's kinda hard to miss.

Bright

Do you wanna go?

Ephram

With you?

Andy

Do you remember that girl in the dean's office I was trying to sweet talk into getting me out of Douglas's rotation? Well on our first date she gets in my car and she makes a face like she just sat on a cat. Then she drags me here, puts in me in her Volvo, points to the stick shift and says, 'No self-respecting surgeon should be allowed to drive an automatic.' It was around then I decided I wanted a second date.

Ephram

Didn't Mom drive a Volvo?

Amy

I thought you'd be in New York already.

Ephram

I think I'm gonna skip New York this year. I mean, it's the worst time to go anyway.

Amy

Really? I didn't know that.

Ephram

Yeah, it's super humid. Maybe for Christmas.

Amy

Yea, it'd probably be nice to be home for the holidays.

Ephram

Yea, maybe, but...

Amy

But what?

Ephram

I am home.

Ephram

I guess that's the one advantage of having a father who has no idea what's going on. He's too clueless to become one of the pod-parents.

Andy

Ephram! Hey Ephram! Come on down -- Duke's giving away frisbees.

Ephram

Oh God. He's become one of them.

Amy

Welcome.

Ephram

What do you want?

Bright

Nothing, just to enjoy your company. You want my pudding?

Ephram

Alright, what's the favor Bright?

Bright

What are you talking about, what favor? Ok, it's about Amy.

Ephram

No.

Bright

You don't even know what I was going to ask.

Ephram

It doesn't matter, the answer's no.

Bright

Why?

Ephram

Because whatever is going on with your sister is your business, not mine. Whenever I try to make it my business, she gets mad.

Bright

Keep an eye on her. Not all the time. Just... when you're not busy being a loner geek with weird t-shirts.

Ephram

You want me to stalk your sister?

Bright

You already do.

Andy

That was fatherly advice, wasn't it?

Ephram

Not bad.

Andy

See, I really am getting better.

Ephram

Hey, Dad. One more thing... can I go to a frat party tonight?

Andy

A frat party?

Ephram

Yes, there's going to be drinking, drugs, unprotected sex. I'll probably be the youngest person there. Besides, I don't want to go. I have to.

Andy

Why?

Ephram

Because you just said that if I know something, I have to do something about it.

Andy

And so having said that, I'm all but forced to let you go to a party I never would have agreed to prior. Maybe you're getting better at this.

Madison

Oh cool, my brother reads comic books too.

Ephram

Oh, actually they're not comic books. It's Manga. Big difference.

Madison

Anyway, he collects the dolls and all that stuff. Spiderman, The Hulk, he loves Samson Storm from X-men. He's 12, it's really cute. Do you have any?

Ephram

No, no dolls.

Yes you do, you have that guy with the red hair that you won't let me play with.

Ephram

That's not a doll, Delia. That's a collectible.