Edna Harper quotes from Everwood

Edna

[to Dr. Abbott] If you wanna see [Dr. Brown], I gotta have a reason. You could be the Unabomber for all I know.

Edna

[to Amy] I'm not trying to choose your boyfriends Amy. I'm just trying to keep you from losing too much of yourself while you figure it all out… There's a very fine line between devotion and obsession.

Edna

Oh, it seems to be the way things always go in this community. Men make the mess and the women clean it up.

Edna

[to Andy] You like Linda. Linda likes you. You are both nincompoops who will do nothing about it.

Edna

[to Jake] By the way, next time you're at the dentist, ease off on the bleaching. Hurts my eyes.

Harold

Did I mention I had only three hours of sleep last night?

Edna

About a hundred times now. I swear, you yammer on like an old woman. Besides, we're almost there.

Harold

Almost where? We're in the middle of forest oblivion. If I didn't know you better mother, I'd think you brought me out here to knock me off. On second thought...

My mom used to talk to God in a Synagogue. Maybe we could go to one?

Edna

The nearest Synagogue's two hours away. Maybe we could talk to God someplace local. How about the video store? We can rent The Chosen.

Andy

You don't know my father-in-law. Not only is he one of New York's premiere transplant surgeons...he's also the best dad who ever lived. He somehow managed to perform over 150 liver transplants a year and never missed a single birthday. Oh, and did I mention my children worship him?

Edna

He also walks on water?

Andy

Oh, jogs on it. Does push-ups on it...One handed push-ups.

This is the diner. We eat here a lot.

What do you mean, a lot? Doesn't your father cook a meal every once in a while?

Edna

Only if he's feeling cruel.

Harold

Mother, I want to ask you and Irv if you would do me the honor of joining us for a Thanksgiving meal?

Edna

Come again?

Harold

It would mean the world to Rose and the kids and of course, myself.

Edna

Is this one of those hidden camera shows?

Edna

[about Harold] Well, I guess it finally fell out.

Irv

What?

Edna

That stick up his ass.

Irv

This thing you're doing with the stove. I don't understand.

Edna

I'm cooking for my children. Get over yourself.

Irv

But you don't cook. You don't even reheat.

Amy

I'm upset because this whole thing is embarrassing.

Edna

Farting in a public restroom is embarrassing.

Edna

Three months farting around in Europe and not a tattoo to show for it...that's my boy.

Ephram

Well I was sporting a goatee for a while but that was just to fit in, those people in France have a real thing for body hair.

Well, Edna, you did not have a heart attack.

Andy

Thank God.

Edna

Ah, thank Lipitor.