Ephram Brown quotes from Everwood

Amy

How come you're so smart?

Ephram

I'm not, believe me. If I was, I'd be wearing a warmer jacket right now… and I wouldn't be telling you to go back to your boyfriend.

Bright

I've always been fond of you. I'm just, you know…shy.

Ephram

Name one thing you like about me.

Bright

One thing, how ‘bout a thousand. You're sensitive. You're extremely clean…

Colin

Bright told me about you.

Ephram

Look, I don't know what Bright told you but he's running on empty as far as brain cells are concerned.

Andy

[about Colin] You two friends now?

Ephram

Kind of. It turns out we have some things in common.

Andy

You mean Amy?

Ephram

Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with Amy.

Andy

So, why aren't you sitting with him?

Ephram

Because of Amy.

Amy

What's going on between you and Colin. I mean...why are you being all buddy-buddy with him?

Ephram

I'm not being buddy-buddy with anyone, alright. He approached me.

Amy

He did!. . .I mean, he did? Why?

Ephram

I don't know. Maybe he thinks I'm pretty.

Dude, what are you doing? The popular table beckons.

Ephram

So?

So? You can't say no. That's like saying no to free comics. Or saying no to making out with Gwyneth Paltrow. Such things just aren't done.

Andy

When will you be home?

Ephram

Usual time. Unless the schoolyard pusher has some good stuff.

Ephram

Why can't you go look for him?

Bright

Because I'm on the team.

Ephram

Is that what they call this wooden plank?

Bright

Look just go find him, nutsack.

Andy

[At the basketball game] Why is the Abbott kid waving at you?

Ephram

I don't know. Probably needs help counting the points.

Laynie

Okay, I challenge you. To an "I Hate Everwood" contest. I'll go first. I hate the fact that the egg rolls at Gino Chang's smell like lasagna.

Ephram

I hate that everything here is a 'fest'. Thaw Fest, Fly Fest, Pie Fest. What does that all mean? And what's so festive about catching some fish or watching some guy melt?

Laynie

I hate that they call it 'Main' Street. It's the only street in town. They should just call it 'Street'.

Ephram

Do you have a subway map of another city covering one wall of your room?

Laynie

Do you choose colleges based on how far they are from here?

Ephram

Have you ever had a dream that you were trapped underground in a sewer full of mice and woke up disappointed to discover that you were still in Everwood?

Laynie

Do you have a packed bag and a plane ticket in your room?

Ephram

C'mon.

Laynie

If you don't believe me I'll show it to you.

Ephram

No, I believe you. I still have the bag packed...I just haven't bought the ticket yet.

Amy

Ephram? What are you doing here.

Laynie

I found him after school at the post office hanging around the outbound mail box. I think someone was trying to return him.

Ephram

I wish.

Amy

Laynie's cool, isn't she?

Ephram

Huh?

Amy

Laynie. The two of you looked like you were getting along the other day. That's... that's so great.

Ephram

Well, I'm glad you approve. Why are you so interested in me and Laynie anyway?

Amy

I don't know. She's my friend... you're my friend.

Ephram

Well, we did receive mail together. To which I went back to her place where I believe we shared a beverage or two. At which point I obviously felt it was time to ask for her hand in marriage.

Laynie

Nightmare, isn't it?

Ephram

What's going on, except my exact version of 'hell on earth'?

Laynie

Spoils of war. The result of a commercially financed assault against the unattached individual.

Ephram

Valentine's Day?

Laynie

Week after is always the hardest. These newbie couples have the lifespan of a monarch butterfly. By Friday, the halls will be littered with their crispy corpses.

Laynie

Okay, number one... how'd you get us in here. Two, how did you find this place. And three... how'd you get us in here?

Ephram

I have connections.

Laynie

Mob ties?

Ephram

I'm all kinds of dangerous.

Laynie

I don't know how to break this to you...

Ephram

You're married?

Laynie

No.

Ephram

You're leaving the country?

Laynie

"Stop!

Ephram

You're marrying Bright, then leaving the country?