Harold Brighton Abbott quotes from Everwood

Harold

[to Dr. Brown] You owe it to this kid to perform whatever miracle you've got up your sleeve. You owe it to Colin, and to his parents, and to my brokenhearted daughter, and to the universe or whoever decided that you would be Leonardo, and I would be… less remarkable. Hell, you owe it to me.

Harold

Dreams aren't meant to be understood any more than tragedy can be averted. Life happens to us. We learn to be grateful when things are good,and to count our blessings when things are bad. And the only certainty in all of it is that it all just... keeps happening.

Harold

[about Ephram] Over my dead and decaying corpse you're going to Thaw Fest with that boy!

Amy

I am not going with him. I'm just meeting him there. And, since when do you care who I go to Thaw Fest with?

Harold

Since you started asking future parolees to attend with you.

Amy

You don't know him! This is so unfair.

Harold

Well in certain parent-child conflicts, fairness is irrelevant.

Amy

Why is it always the parent that always gets to decide the relevancy of fairness?

Rose

An excellent question, if I do say so myself.

Harold

Hello, dear.

Amy

Mom, Dad is being EXCRUCIATING!

Harold

Excruciating literally means to feel the pain of crucifixion. While my law may be difficult at times, I think we can both agree that Jesus had it a bit tougher.

Amy

He didn't live here.

Harold

Did I mention I had only three hours of sleep last night?

Edna

About a hundred times now. I swear, you yammer on like an old woman. Besides, we're almost there.

Harold

Almost where? We're in the middle of forest oblivion. If I didn't know you better mother, I'd think you brought me out here to knock me off. On second thought...

Harold

I am sorry. For being such a jerk about the dance class.

Rose

No you're not. You just don't want me mad at you any longer because it's uncomfortable for you.

Harold

I'm scared. I don't want to change. I don't want you to change. I like things the way they are.

Rose

Everyone changes; we can change together.

Harold

That's not always the case. Look at the Keys. She went one way, he went another; now where's either one of them?

Rose

We are not the Keys, Harold.

Harold

Well I'm sure even the Keys didn't think they were the Keys until they... were.

Harold

What respectable practitioner has 15 free hours on his hands?

Andy

Me.

Harold

I said respectable practitioner.

Harold

Mother, I want to ask you and Irv if you would do me the honor of joining us for a Thanksgiving meal?

Edna

Come again?

Harold

It would mean the world to Rose and the kids and of course, myself.

Edna

Is this one of those hidden camera shows?

Harold

Carl used to be Everwood's version of Tom Cruise. I suppose that appeals to a certain woman, you know the type. Rugged...athletic...young.

Andy

Why don't you ask him out, Harold?

Bright

[about the ski trip] I gotta go! It's...it's a church thing...to cleanse my soul.

Harold

Oh please! I delivered a baby that was the product of last year's bacchanal. It's just an excuse for your friends to drink and exchange hickeys. It does more damage to the Catholic church's reputation than the crusades.

Harold

I was worried about your friend.

Amy

My boyfriend! Boy-friend!! God, I can't believe I didn't see this sooner! It's so obvious what you're doing.

Harold

Wh-what are you talking about?

Amy

Oh please, you're trying to keep Colin and me apart. You're not worried about Colin's health. The only thing you're worried about is that I might be growing up too fast and you don't like it. Well, that's just too damn bad! Isn't it?

Harold

It's an impossible predicament. I mean, they don't want us to treat them like children but then when you try to talk to them like an adult, they act like...

Andy

Teenagers.

Harold

My child won't talk to me anymore. Apparently, I've broken a sacred trust by simply voicing an honest concern.

Andy

If it makes you feel any better, Ephram's not talking to me right now, either.

Harold

Big deal. He never talks to you. You're used to it.

Andy

Some magazine is sending a guy to interview me.

Harold

I wouldn't get too excited. It's hardly rare for some local birdcage liner to want to fill the space between the Friday crossword and the tuna frittata recipe with whatever profile they can muster. So what rag is selling ad space on your dime?

Andy

New York Magazine.

Harold

I could talk to him, if you'd like. Dr. Brown. I wouldn't enjoy it, mind you, but I could do that for you, if you'd like.

Amy

I wish I would have told someone when I knew he was getting this sick. I never should have pretended that I didn't see it. I don't know why I did that.

Harold

Is this Colin's idea of pre-operatative preparation? Corrupting other youths into committing vandalism?

Amy

Uhm, I don't know what you just said...but we're not going to graffiti anything.