Ephram Brown quotes from Everwood

Andy

What is that out front?

Ephram

Doe, a deer. A female deer.

Ephram

I'm pretty sure the trail follows the creek, but check the map.

Andy

No, left.

Ephram

Sure?

Andy

I used to navigate people's frontal lobes Ephram, I think I can follow directions.

Andy

Clue doesn't come in travel size?

Ephram

One of the world's greater atrocities.

Ephram

So, what's he like? Colin.

Nina

He's a charmer. You know, he's the kind of kid who forgets to mow your lawn for two weeks, then when he finally comes, you end up paying him for three. I think he was All State football. And pretty smart, too.

Ephram

So he's basically like God.

Amy

Ephram, what are you doing here?

Ephram

I wanted a Twix.

Amy

You came a long way.

Ephram

Well, there's two in a pack, and I only wanted one. I needed someone to share with.

Amy

I just wanted to touch base with normal for a bit.

Ephram

You definitely called the wrong person then.

Ephram

If he suddenly wakes up tomorrow, are you and I gonna become total strangers?

Amy

Strangers? Ephram, I've shared more with you in the past few months, than I have with anybody in my whole life.

Andy

Do me a favor, you know how you normally behave?

Ephram

Distant and miserable?

Andy

Yeah. Do the opposite.

Andy

Are you drunk?

Ephram

Not enough, but hey...we can fix that. Toss me a Heineken!

Andy

You think this is funny? It's bad enough that you're drunk, and don't think we're not gonna talk about that, but you had to pick this weekend to become a teenager? You haven't been to a party since we've been here and now, all of a sudden, you're getting plastered and arrested? If you wanted to embarrass me in front of your grandparents, you're doing one hell of a job.

Ephram

Oh, right...I forgot. this is all about you. I got myself arrested, just to make you feel bad about yourself.

Andy

That's not what I meant, and you know it.

Ephram

[Sarcastically] Hey, look at me...I'm super dad. Let's fish and make waffles. I've got news for you, they're not buying it. But don't worry...If you promise to raise my allowance, I'll promise to give you a hug...right in front of Grandpa.

Ephram

Like it or not, you tend to have an effect on my moods.

Amy

I've seen your moods. That's a lot of pressure.

Ephram

[To Amy] It's nothing you do on purpose, but... it's like when you're nice to me, there's nothing I can't do. And when you're mad at me, it's all I can think about, you know? Then you say things like: 'maybe you should move on' and it sticks with me for a little while, you know? You're in my head.

Andy

You had a phone call from New York. You know someone named Skuz?

Ephram

He was only over at our house every day.

Andy

Well, Rachel Laquer is having a mondo roof top party before winter term. And let me see if I got this right: 'she's totally hot for you're ass'.

Amy

I got in a fight with Colin, and he ended up in a coma. I bitched at Bright, and his appendix ruptured. I sort of needlessly bit your head off the other day and haven't apologized yet and I don't want you to end up in the hospital before you go. Call me superstitious, but...

Ephram

You have got to be without a doubt the strangest girl I have ever met.

Ephram

Remember last week it was really cold. You tried on some of your old sweaters.

I got too big for them.

Ephram

Yeah.

I couldn't move my arms.

Ephram

That's kind of how I feel about Everwood. Make sense?

I think so, except you're not too big; you fit here.

Ephram

You're going to have to stop doing that, you know.

Amy

What?

Ephram

Saying stuff that makes me want to kiss you.

Amy

You too.

Ephram

[seeing Andy standing in his bedroom doorway] Why are you doing that lingering thing you do?

Andy

Well, I don't want to force a conversation.

Ephram

That'd be a first.

Andy

You know, you may need to be there for Amy.

Ephram

Well, Amy and I aren't exactly talking much.

Andy

Really? When did that happen?

Ephram

A while ago.

Andy

How'd I miss that?

Ephram

You were busy being clueless.

Andy

That's my job. So what happened? Did you two kiss or something? [Ephram gives him a startled look] I'm not that clueless.

Ephram

I don't know what happened. One day she's kissing me, then I make the mistake in giving her this stupid mix CD and now its like I'm the Okumo and she's Shiva the Destroyer. [Andy looks at him, puzzled] Manga reference.