TV show quotes
You look tired.
Yeah, I was up late.
Oh really, what's her name?
Who?
It's a joke, Luka.
No, seriously, if you need a place...
Thank you.
You can stay as long as you need, and you only have to sleep with me on the weekends.
Excuse me?
It's a joke, Abby. It's a joke.
[to Abby] You know lawyers; they're half as smart as doctors, but twice as sneaky.
You give a guy a hand release during Harry Potter and he wants to marry you!
And last but not least is the lovely, but sort of spooky, Miss Armstrong in 2, who's waiting on a psych consult before the sewer people come and get her.
What sewer people?
She's crazy, Deb. Hence the psych consult.
Reality television: it's one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Have you ever watched it?
No.
Then shut up.
I just think that TV is a vast wasteland.
Oh I'm sorry I meant to watch 'La Boheme' on PBS last night but I had to go the symphony.
I watch television, just not that dehumanizing crap. Seriously, what's next? Televised executions? Bear Baiting? Torture Channel?
How did you manage to last this long without some girl marrying you?
We come with a built-in gold-digger alarm. My grandmother installs them at birth.
And I haven't set it off? You'd better have that thing checked.
It's embarrassing. Everybody assumes when you grow up with money everything's great.
Yeah, it must have been hard growing up in the mansion. Was Gamma too cheap to heat the pool?
[Luka and Carter have found some fencing equipment and are dueling each other]
Do you think they're trying to impress us?
If they are, it's not working. [Luka and Carter clash, and Carter thrusts his foil-point against Luka's chest, winning the first bout] Ouch! Doesn't that hurt?
They really are a pair of freaks.
They really are. [laughs] And to think, you slept with both of them!
Ah, I- never slept with Carter. He tell you that?
[surprised] I thought you had!
No- that was a rumor that Carter started.
[stares at Carter] Oh, God! That is low! [Luka wins the next bout]
I thought so.
I haven't slept with Carter either.
How long have you guys been going out?
Couple of months.
Well, that definitely violates the second date rule.
What second date rule?
My friend has this theory that you should sleep with the guy by the second date because if the sex isn't good, you shouldn't waste your time with someone you don't have any chemistry with.
[nods thoughtfully] Hmm. Well, I don't know if Carter and I have any chemistry or not. There have been some almost spark moments.
I think it's either there, or it's not. You can't force it- believe me, I've tried.
I think part of the problem with Carter and me is you. He denies it, but it's not really convincing. What did you two have?
[shrugs] Timing.
We're all waiting, for what? Fulfillment, love... validation, approval? It's a waste of time. Life is an empty, hollow exercise filled with pain, loss and grief, and the only thing we can expect to achieve in our lives is our own, inevitable death.
[Romano walks into the lounge and sees that Elizabeth is crying]
What's wrong, is Prince Harry in rehab again?
Mark's tumor's back. [pause, Romano looks more sympathetic]
We always knew it was a possibility.
He's known about it for weeks, and he didn't tell me.
Maybe he was trying to protect you.
Is he your husband?
Yes.
Do you love him?
Yes.
Do I seem like a punk to you?
No.
Then how about you stop trying to treat me like one.
Mrs. Raskin. It's been a long time.
The service isn't what it used to be.
What seems to be the matter?
I have this hangnail and it's very painful.
I have a brain tumor and it's inoperable.
What?
I win.
Never let your work become your life, Kerry.
Who let Reverend Ed in?
You know the preacher?
He's a holy pain in the ass. Get rid of him.
Me?
In about 10 minutes, he's going to start trying to heal people. It's bad for business.
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