E.R. quotes

[to the interns] You are wedges. The wedge is the most primitive tool known to man. That is you. You think you know what you're doing? Believe me, you don't. Breakfast with your senior surgical resident, Dr. Benton, begins in 15 minutes. Dr. Benton is an intern's worst nightmare. He's smarter than you, he never eats, never sleeps, and he reads every medical journal no matter how obscure. He is the Antichrist, Beelzebub, Lucifer, a devourer of wedges. You'll go to sleep at night wishing plague and pestilence on his unborn children, and you will wake up every morning praying for his approval. You won't get it. Welcome to hell, ladies and gentlemen.

Carol

Dopamine? Do you want Dopamine?

Carter

I don't know. I don't know. Somebody call a doctor!

Carol

You are the doctor.

Kerry

[about the nurses] They can make your life easier or they can make it miserable. Whatever you did, I suggest you apologize immediately.

Carter

I didn't do anything.

Kerry

Apologize anyway.

Benton

Where's Carter?

Haleh

Do I look like his mother?

Susan

Do you even know how to drive a motorcycle?

Carol

It's just like a big moped, right?

Susan

I guess...

There are a lot of diseases that can take your life. But this one can take over your life.

Benton

What makes you think you can attend a surgery behind my back?

Simon needed an intern.

Benton

I'm your resident. You don't blink without asking me.

Jeanie

I need to know if you're planning to tell anyone that I'm positive.

Benton

No, I'm not. Jeanie, look, I don't agree with what you're doing, but how you handle your patients, that's your responsibility.

Jeanie

Thank you.

Benton

But I want you to stay away from my patients and I don't want to be in a trauma room with you.

So, do you always vomit when you screw up?

Carter

Only when I get written up by the Chief of Staff.

Benton's no Mr. Rogers.

Benton

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood boys and girls.

Mark

I've given it a lot of thought, and I've decided to be spontaneous.

Carol

Mark, Doug lives his own life.

Mark

That's kind of the problem.

Carol

I'm just saying we can't live it for him.

Jeanie

[to Al] A man came in today. He sat there and watched his wife die, and he helped her to die, because she was in so much pain, and he loved her. [gets angry] But we didn't have that kind of marriage, did we, Al. We didn't love, we didn't cherish, we didn't respect and now you've killed me!

Mark

Jerry!

Jerry

I called maintenance 4 times; they're working on it.

Susan

Ohhh, maybe it's the ghost from the 5th floor.

Mark

Not you, too.

Lydia

It's a true story, Mark! It's up there!

Susan

Poor guy, still pining away for the woman he loved.

Lydia

I thought he broke her heart.

Susan

Broke his own heart is more like it.

Mark

And how do you know this?

Susan

Because that's the story. It was Halloween night, the 1930s or something, up on the 5th floor. There was rain and thunder and lightning... he was a doctor, she was an intern...

She loved him, didn't she?

Susan

[nods] But a really wealthy, handsome patient had fallen in love with her, and asked her to marry him.

Chuny

What did she say?

Susan

She didn't know what to say. So... she told the doctor.

Chuny

What did he say?

Susan

He said nothing.

I thought he loved her!

Susan

He did love her, but he just stood there, he couldn't get the words out. And then, after she walked across the room, she turned back and looked at him... she put her hand to her lips, and blew him what would be their first and only kiss. They say it blew through him like a rush of cold wind.

Chuny

That's so sad!

Jerry

What happened?

Susan

Unfortunately, the doc fell out the 5th floor window, so that's kind of it.

Mark

Well, I'm sure they worked on him in the O.R. for awhile.

Doug

You know what? I'm not going to say anything about that physics book.

Carol

Oh, God, it was probably a stupid idea anyway.

Doug

Hey, if that's what you want to do... If I can make it, anyone can.

Carol

Thanks.