Joy quotes from Drop the Dead Donkey

George

I actually think it's rather important that women should have equality in the office place.

Joy

Oh, good. Then you can get your own coffee.

Dave

I've always liked the Buddhist idea, when you come back but as an animal that's appropriate to the way you've lived your life.

Damien

I wonder what I'd come back as.

A vulture.

How about Princess Michael?

Dave

Myna bird.

Damien

What about Roy Hattersley?

Dave

Toad.

Cecil Parkinson?

Dave

Horny toad.

Yes, but what would he come back as?

Damien

Which one was Caligula?

Joy

He murdered his mother, married his sister, and then ate the baby.

Damien

Why can't we have stories like that now, eh? "Charles tops Queen and then eats Princess Anne's love-child".

Dave

Andrew Neil's already run that one, hasn't he?

Is my hair alright?

Joy

What do you mean, your hair?

We've started an office limerick competition. The person who comes up with the most offensively amusing ditty about our beloved proprietor, Sir Royston, wins a bottle of finest Moet Chandon.

Great. Sounds like fun.

Joy

Well, I've got one.

Good.

Joy

(reads)

Helen

We seem to be out of milk.

Joy

Correction: you coffee-drinkers are out of milk. We tea-drinkers have our own milk kitty now.

Dave

How will we know which is your milk?

Joy

Easy. It's the one with "Hands off, you coffee-drinking bastards" written on it.

Filling in these lottery tickets is harder than I thought. I was going to use the number of times I had sex last month, but the ticket only goes up to 49. (laughs)

Joy

Try limiting it to the number of times there was someone else there.

Dave

How did this get round? I told Helen in confidence!

Helen

Yeah, well, I just told Joy in confidence.

Joy

Yeah, well, I just told the office in confidence.