A character in Drop the Dead Donkey
Played by David Swift
Drop the Dead Donkey · 35 quotes
Tied for 1st most-quoted character in Drop the Dead Donkey: in 11 of its 35 quotes
Most scenes with: Joy (3), Dave (2)
I have interviewed every prime minister for the last thirty years. Yes. Alec Douglas-Home: patronising bastard. Wilson: shifty bastard. Heath: stubborn bastard. Callaghan: cunning bastard. Thatcher: cunning, stubborn, shifty, patronising bastard.
They're not unemployed any more; they're "job seekers". Presumably we don't have homeless; we have "accommodation seekers". We don't have NHS queues; we have "bed seekers". We don't have Peter Lilley; we have a "smack-in-the-mouth seeker"!
Discussing an impending interview with Margaret Thatcher
If we call it "Sally meets Margaret". Stress the informality.
What about "The Sal and Madge Show"?
What sort of chair do you think I should have?
One we can plug in.
Well, you are in a good mood, Henry.
Why not, George? God's in his Heaven, I'm taking the delightful Julia Jane out to dinner, and I've just fed Sally's dog a box of laxative chocolates.
All I want is a large drink, a warm bed and a loose woman.
Jean Schafer, Jim'll Fix It.
I didn't know Jim could fix that.
Is my hair alright?
What do you mean, your hair?
We've started an office limerick competition. The person who comes up with the most offensively amusing ditty about our beloved proprietor, Sir Royston, wins a bottle of finest Moet Chandon.
Great. Sounds like fun.
Well, I've got one.
Good.
(reads)
Sir Royston's a horrible bastard.
I hate him, the big ugly bastard.
I'd like to shoot him,
Then smash his head in,
'Cos he's a bastard, the stupid fat bastard.
We better do something on Major blaming TV for all this violence.
He's absolutely right. I saw him being interviewed on the Beeb, and I was so incensed by the little turd that I headbutted the catǃ
Filling in these lottery tickets is harder than I thought. I was going to use the number of times I had sex last month, but the ticket only goes up to 49. (laughs)
Try limiting it to the number of times there was someone else there.
I'm obviously dim, but why are we bothering to interview Tom when he will simply repeat what I have said?
Yes, but he'll be repeating it live from the scene.
Why?
Because TV's a visual medium, for God's sake! If nothing's happening, you have to show it's not happening, live, as it doesn't happen. Do you know nothing about this business, man?
[furious] I know a great deal more than you, you [bleep]ing, sh[bleep]ing, pi[bleep]ing...
God, I'm depressed.
How depressed? Quite depressed, suicidally depressed or Virgin Rail passenger?
Virgin Rail passenger who supports Man City and is married to Ann Widdecombe.
Bloody hell!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Drop the Dead Donkey pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
