Brian Darling quotes from Dirty Sexy Money

Everybody in this family gets away with everything but me.

Brian

[to a Judge at the Wedding] Well your Honor, the seven deadly sins are not like the Constitution, they can't be amended. So if I were you yes, I'd be worried!

[After scolding his bewildered son about his own lies] But remember, we pay the rent in this house with honesty. Don't make me raise your rent.

Do you really believe his name is Gustav?

What choice do I have. Now at some point you have to just put your faith in humanity. Gotta get to bible study.

Tripp

[While Brian Jr shakes pepper all over his dinner] Take it easy sailor. You're going to overheat your blood.

Sorry.

Tripp

I haven't seen a child pepper food that vigorously since you were a boy Brian. Bon Appetit.

What's the matter?

I need to tell you something.

Well, whatever it is you can tell me.

I don't want to go to hell.

I don't think there are many children in hell Gustav.

Yeah.. about that.. My name's not Gustav.

No? What is it?

Brian... Brian Jr.

Is my husband your daddy?

Did you buy my son a thirty thousand dollar watch?

Juliet

It was fifteen percent off.

Are you out of your mind?

Juliet

No!

You're spoiling him rotten! Now all he does is walk around and mouth off and ask for expensive things. You turned a nice, fake, Swedish orphan into your own personal living doll. Now a watch?! He can't even tell time!

Tripp

[Drunk] Brian, what a wonderful wedding sermon, so much humanity, so much hope. There really is such a kind person buried deep down inside you. Deep, deep down! Inside you... somewhere!?!

Thanks dad.

You're an evil person. You abandoned your son!

Andrea

I didn't abandon him! I left him with his father for two months!

Yeah and because you did, my marriage is probably over! My wife and daughters have been in China for two weeks and I don't know when and if they're coming back! Just a little added bonus to your little selfish Walkabout!

I mean, why'd you even come back here?

Andrea

To see my son! And you... maybe... a little...

[As he goes in to kiss her] Oh crap.

Is it true you forced Brian, Jr to lie to your wife and pretend he was a Swedish orphan whose parents died in a car accident?

No.

No?

It was a bullet train accident, not a car. Get your facts straight.

[to Andrea] I'll give you one million dollars to get up and walk out of here right now.

Excuse me?

Nick

Hey, that's not what we're here to do, Brian. Let me finish.

Two million.

Andrea

Are you trying to buy my son?

I'm trying to buy our son.

Nick

Nobody is buying anybody.

This is ridiculous. We're leaving.

Three million! We both know it's all about the money with you anyway.

Andrea

Now I remember why it didn't work with us. You are not a human being.

Andrea

Brian, that first day that I met you at church, you sat and talked with me for hours about faith and solace.

Yeah, so what about it.

Andrea

So you are the one who taught me to bring my problems in life to God. Have you thought about doing that?