FSFred's head
Get out while you still can.
Get out?
FSFred's head
Can't you see? We're severed heads in a jar!
Well maybe it didn't work out with you guys, but that doesn't mean it won't work out with me. She really likes me.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Team Lena is going down!
Must one person's triumph be another's humiliation?
Of course.
She's making me think of sex at the same time I see you naked. Now I've got Dilbert and sex in the same part of my brain! Ow! Ow! Ow! Get it out!
It's so small - I can't even find it!
The rumor is that they treat you like a human being! And I would love to be treated like a human being - just once!
This is impossible! How am I gonna get any work done if there's no tension?
What kind of madhouse is this?!
That's it! I've done it!
That's not the word on the street.
What are you doing with my laser?
Did you know there are no laws in space?
PPHB
Look, I've worked very hard seeing the Gruntmaster 6000 through to this final phase of testing and I just want to say how proud I am of myself. Now if we can just get rid of that junk on the field maybe we can start the tests..
Uh, that's the Gruntmaster 6000.
PPHB
Really? It's so big.
Just out of curiosity, how often does an asteroid hit an exercise machine?
PPHB
A comet hit my Stairmaster - that's why I don't exercise anymore!
You're going into space?
Good observation, potato boy. I'll send you a postcard.
I don't think you can send a postcard from outer space.
Ooh, it can be done. But you might see a little jump in your next tax bill.
Hey Bob, how's it going?
BBBob Bastard
Wally. [walks off with Alice]
Wally [smitten]: He called me "Wally."
That's your name.
There's no call for bitterness.
So, you're welcome!
Thanks, Dogbert. You really bailed me out.
Ohh, it's nothing you wouldn't have done for me if you weren't you and I wasn't me and everything was completely different.
You're living in the past, my furry friend. Capitalism has transformed Elbonia. The economy is burgeoning.
Nothing like slave labor to perk up the economy.
They're making many advances. For instance, did you realise the leading cause of death in Elbonia is no longer Black Plague?
Oh really? What is?
Here we go, it's.. self-inflicted gunshot wounds? Must be a typo.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dilbert pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.