Dilbert quotes from Dilbert

Dilbert

What are you doing with my laser?

Dogbert

Did you know there are no laws in space?

Look, I've worked very hard seeing the Gruntmaster 6000 through to this final phase of testing and I just want to say how proud I am of myself. Now if we can just get rid of that junk on the field maybe we can start the tests..

Dilbert

Uh, that's the Gruntmaster 6000.

Really? It's so big.

Dilbert

Just out of curiosity, how often does an asteroid hit an exercise machine?

A comet hit my Stairmaster - that's why I don't exercise anymore!

Dilbert

You're going into space?

Dogbert

Good observation, potato boy. I'll send you a postcard.

Dilbert

I don't think you can send a postcard from outer space.

Dogbert

Ooh, it can be done. But you might see a little jump in your next tax bill.

Wally

Hey Bob, how's it going?

Wally. [walks off with Alice]

Dilbert

That's your name.

Wally

There's no call for bitterness.

Dogbert

So, you're welcome!

Dilbert

Thanks, Dogbert. You really bailed me out.

Dogbert

Ohh, it's nothing you wouldn't have done for me if you weren't you and I wasn't me and everything was completely different.

Dilbert

You're living in the past, my furry friend. Capitalism has transformed Elbonia. The economy is burgeoning.

Dogbert

Nothing like slave labor to perk up the economy.

Dilbert

They're making many advances. For instance, did you realise the leading cause of death in Elbonia is no longer Black Plague?

Dogbert

Oh really? What is?

Dilbert

Here we go, it's.. self-inflicted gunshot wounds? Must be a typo.

Dilbert

Hey, hi.

What an odd-looking people.

Alice

It's us! From work!

Dilbert

Remember?

If only I spoke your language. Do you know where the pool is? The POOL? Swimmy swimmy?

Ignorant wogs.

Dilbert

Shouldn't there be a guard-rail around that?

Guard-rail? Haha, what is this, an amusement park?

Dilbert

Are those people dead?

Technically, yes. But that's no excuse. Get to work you lazy corpse!

Dilbert

If you're going to change anything you're gonna have to organise.

Now you've lost us.

Dilbert

Hold it - were you just reading a book?

Wally

Are you bonkers - what makes you think that?

Dilbert

My own eyes.

Wally

Hardly a reliable source.

Dilbert

I just saw you!

Dilbert

Insider trading is illegal - you could go to jail!

Wally I'll need you to review the RFP for the BGA project before the IOC meeting.

Wally

Well that has alibi written all over it. Are you in?

Dilbert

I thought you were supposed to buy when the stock is down.

Dogbert

Have I ever lied to you?

Dilbert

About a thousand times.

Dogbert

You don't have to throw it in my face.

Wally

You do whatever you want. Me - I'm cashing out.

Dilbert

You plan to retire?

Wally

Retire? From what? I don't do anything now except surf the net - why should I pay for that? Besides, I really like the coffee here.