[Anthony is on caffeine pills to cram in all his studies.]
Well, I'm sorry, but I went all the way through college myself and never once did I have to use stimulants. I managed to keep up with my courses and a very active social life. And let me tell you, those were 6 ½ of the best years of my life.
Oh, Anthony. I'm sure glad I'm not in your shoes. When I used to take exams I used to get soooo nervous the night before. I would have the most incredible dreams . . . y'know. Like that I would show up in the classroom just as everyone was finishing their test, and the professor would say "You're two hours late . . . sorry" — or — I would have this dream where — y'know-- I get there on time and everything, but I'd look at the test and I wouldn't know any of the answers. I mean I had studied completely the wrong thing . . . and then I would look down and I had forgotten to dress — I was completely naked!! Here, have some juice.
That does it. I'm not taking any more of these pills. Working with her is stimulating enough.
[Suzanne and Charlene meet with the female editor of a men's magazine.]
PPublisher
Actually, I'm a feminist, and I and my magazine make large contributions to feminist charities.
Yeah, well I donate to the ASPCA, but that doesn't make me a cat!
[Julia agrees to spend the evening with a terminally ill man who has a crush on her.]
Julia, this is your sister. Anthony and Charlene and Mary Jo and I are right outside. We're tired, we're stuffed, our feet hurt, we want to go home. Now if you're in there being either bored to death or held prisoner by this nerd maniac. Then I suggest you turn on all the lights right now. Otherwise we're just gonna be on our way and assume that you are a cheap little one night tart available to every Tom, Dick and Harry with a head cold. Okay now, we're watching the window, we'll be waiting for your signal. Good-bye.
[Anthony is running errands for the ladies to help them prepare for Charlene's baby shower.]
I'm sorry you can't stay for the shower, it's just one of those all girl times.
Believe me, Charlene, I understand perfectly. It's absolutely alright. I go to all-boy parties sometimes, and we have those little tiny sandwiches with the crusts cut off, and then we play word games where the prize is a biscuit cutter, so I've had my fill.
[At the Baby Shower for Charlene, Suzanne had been whimpering all during the ceremony, until...]
They can have that crown when they tear it from my cold dead scalp!!!! Oh!
You do know that we're here to take you down to the hotel for the ceremony...
Yes, of course. I'm almost ready. Just let me touch up my makeup.
(suspicious) Ok, Suzanne. What's going on?
You know, Julia. We're going down to the Marriott to see those pageant people.
(relieved) Oh, Suzanne, this is great. Yesterday, when you said that stuff about your cold, dead scalp, y'know, and then you ran out to the parking lot and threw yourself on the ground kicking and screaming, and then you crawled to your car with dirt and saliva all over your face, and then you drove away peeling rubber... we thought you were upset.
Yes, well I talked to Consuela, and I'm better now.
Uh oh. I don't like the sound of that.
I'd like to think that this means you and Consuela had a soul-searching chat, and you re-evaluated your priorities and realized crown, or no crown, you are who you are — but I have a feeling I'd be disappointed.
I have a feeling it's more like little dolls, straight pins and chicken parts.
Did Consuela make a Donna Jo Carnes doll?
Yes, and she also put a curse on that Audrey woman too, and I wrote down on this piece of paper a hundred times It will not happen, so you all can just go ahead and laugh, but I know in my heart it's just not going to happen.
Suzanne, you're just making this harder on yourself. Now I've talked to Reese, and apparently there's no statute of limitations on this thing, and there's nothing we can do here.
When I was a little girl, you told me, "Suzanne, if there's anything in this life you want to be, you can be it. All you have to do it want it enough." That's how I won that contest in the first place — I wanted it more. All those other girls were running around saying, "I don't care who wins. I just enjoy the camaraderie and meeting all the other girls from all over the state of Georgia." I didn't give a flip about meeting other girls. I can meet other girls any ole time. And maybe they didn't mean it, but they said it, so a little tiny bit of them did mean it. I never said it. Basically, I just said, "I want that crown to be on my head." So I'll just go down and talk to these people and eplain it all to them, and they won't take my crown. They can't because... because you told me I could be whatever I want to be if I just want it bad enough. And I want to be Miss Georgia... for the rest of my life.
[The group is waiting on the ceremony for Suzanne to relinquish her Miss Georgia crown to Donna Jo Carnes when Bernice comes into the room dragging a portly woman behind her.]
Look what I found in the ladies room...
Oh Bernice, put her back!
[Everyone is on a camping trip and eating in a hillbilly joint.]
Well, Julia? How're you enjoying the culture so far?
Suzanne, it just so happens I'm enjoying it fine. It's different, it's interesting. Does anybody notice we're the only people in here having dinner?
No, I did notice we're the only people in here who know who Leonard Bernstein is. Not that that's particularly a plus.
Mary Jo, will you please keep it down.
What's wrong? Well, uh, if it's all right with you, I'd just as soon not offend anybody over there.
I think he's referring to the Charles Darwin Hall of Fame.
Charles Darwin . . . used to be our yard man.
RReese
You all, Let's not be so loud.
Oh, for Pete's sake. They're just a bunch of big ol' good hearted country boys. Anyway, I don't think they're exactly gonna get the Charles Darwin joke.
Well I don't even know why you all are makin' fun of him anyway. I mean, he was an excellent yard man. He used to rinse out all my nylon stockings for a nickel.
I tell you something, I think after dinner we girls oughta get ourselves some big ol' toothpicks and just sit back and pick our teeth. What do you men folk think of that? Huh?
Mary Jo, I'm telling you. You are talking too loud and it's not funny. Now no more beer for you.
You better watch your step boy. Don't you be back-talking me in front of my friends. I hate it when my man sasses me, don't you?
Oh my gosh. I don't believe it.
See that man over there with the hunting cap? You know, with the ear flaps?
What'd he do to you? Blow you a hayseed?
That's just his way of sayin' hi-dee!
I don't like the way he's lookin' at me with his eyes.
You know . . . Like he's lickin' the back of my neck.
BBILL
I say we pay the bill, leave an incredibly large tip, and get the hell out of here.
Oh don't be ridiculous. She thinks everybody is trying to lick the back of her neck.
