TTheo
Relax, son, they're just balls.
S2 E4The Shallow End
S2 E5Hurry
[A woman cuts in line at the post office]
Afternoon, ladies. Are you two old friends?
WWoman
Eh, her daughter is in my son's class.
I have a question for you. Is everyone in this line an asshole?
WWoman
Excuse me?
Is everyone you just cut in front of an asshole?
WWoman
Uhm. No?
So it's just you then.
WWoman
I have children in the car.
I have a cake in the oven. He's got three minutes left on the meter. She's got a lunch meeting. We all have a finite amount of time. Now get in the back of the line. And don't use your children like that — it's shameful.
Everyone says "live in the now," but that's bullshit. I mean, who lives in the moment? We're too busy thinking about what happens next... or what didn't happen at all.
S2 E6In Escrow
[Crystal and George/Millie are chuckling over a digestively challenged applicant. Dolores is unamused.]
Irritable Bowel Syndrome is a serious affliction. Most people don't know this, but Marilyn Monroe had IBS.
Is that what blew her skirt up?
[Dolores has just given George a new assignment to pick an applicant for a new pharmaceutical company account]
GMGeorge/Millie
Backup. Did you just say choose, me?
No I said, "You choose." You're in a new position now. You're like, the prettiest girl at prom, or the sluttiest girl if you went to Catholic school. You get to pick.
S2 E7Rites of Passage
You know, when you're young like you are, Millie, it's easy. Man, woman, bottom, top… sex is this big buffet, and you're just a… fat man with a fork, but… as you get older, it's harder to get a fork.
S2 E8The Escape Artist
[Roxy gives Mason a hard time about ordering a drink during an airplane flight reap.]
Roxy, I've never flown before. I'm a bit nervous, all right?
Well, congratulations, baby! Drink up. Buckle up. And don't fuck it up.
S2 E9Be Still My Heart
[Tending to a heart attack victim, Dolores discovers the office defibrillator has orange goo between the paddles.]
Who has been making grilled cheese sandwiches with the defibrillator paddles?
[Clancy has given Reggie a poem, a portion of Shakespeare's Twelfth Sonnet.]
RReggie
He said for you to read it. He said the end's the best part.
Since sweets and beauties do themselves forsake // And die as fast as they see others grow; // And nothing 'gainst Time's scythe can make defence // Save breed, to brave him when he takes thee hence.
RReggie
What does it mean?
It's Shakespeare. It means... it means you should have kids because then you're never alone.
RReggie
Is Dad trying to get back together with you?
No sweetie, no. He did it for you. It's about you.
S2 E10Death Defying
RSRay Summers
Okay George, five reasons why men are scum and women let us get away with it. 1. We all only want one thing. No exceptions. 2. We fall in love before we have that thing, and then fall back out once we've had it, whereas women conversly fall in love afterwards. 3. We will lie, cheat, steal or murder to get that one thing. Why am I sugarcoating this? You're a big girl. In order to fuck you. 4. We freely admit the numbers 1 through 3 and women don't care, and the number 5 reason why men are scum and women let us get away with it: You can't live without us.
(Raising her shot glass to toast him) Here's to your bullshit, Ray. (Throws three more darts and gets a bullseye on the last one) Fucking men.
[voiceover] They say coming clean is good for the soul, that it puts things in perspective. You can get a sense of your place in the order of things...a sense of who you really are and what's important. This is my perspective. I am a grim reaper. I take souls. I do not go to prom. I do not live happily ever after. This is who I am. Anyone got a problem with that?
And now Mason will show little Georgie the finer art of stress relief through petty vandalism. Don't get me wrong. We will egg Trip's fucking mansion, but first...[Holds out a pen]
S2 E11Ashes to Ashes
[Reggie leaves her dog J.D. in Joy's care when her Goth friend "Raven" finds him too "preppy".]
[to J.D.] Oh, don't you worry. She needs a friend who's human. Or something close.
S2 E12Forget Me Not
[Flashback to elementary-school-age George reading A Tale of Two Cities instead of going to her friend's birthday party.]
We bought her a present!
What did you get her?
We got her a flannel nightgown. With pretty little flowers on it!
Mom. You're gonna get me killed.
Georgia, don't be silly. We're going.
Not.
You are so!
So not.
Why do you have to be so obstinate?
Obstinate. O-B-S-T-I-N-A-T-E. Stubborn.
Georgia Lass, you cannot spend your entire life with your nose stuck in a book!
Try me.
[At a spelling bee, emcee G. McFadden's soul finds itself sitting beside George and Mason.]
MMcFadden
What just happened?
Oh, I'm afraid you are D-E-D…
MMcFadden
No, that's D-E-A-D.
I was joking!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dead Like Me pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.