[voiceover] Maybe death was the temp job, and life was the vacation. A vacation you were supposed to spend with the people that you loved… with the people who loved you, and if life was that kind of vacation, what then? What would your last thoughts be then?
S1 E13Vacation
[The reapers are all in the Happy Time office, late at night, taking advantage of the fact that the Gravelings are taking the day off to catch up on paperwork. Rube lights his pipe.]
You can't smoke in here.
Ah, fuck that bullshit, they can blow me.
S1 E14Rest in Peace
So what are you? Rube's butt-boy?
Why? Did you resign?
A wise man knows how much he doesn't know.
[Clancy's cell phone rings]
You answer that phone and I will absolutely shove it up your ass.
[voiceover] The day I dropped out of college, I remember lying on my bed. My mother came into my room, and she'd been crying. She stared at me for a long time and then she said, "You only have one shot at life, Georgia. This is no dress rehearsal." And I said, "You know what, Mom? Maybe I don't even want to be in the play." A month later I was killed. I wonder sometimes if someone was listening.
[voiceover] That night, a man was killed by a speeding car and I was there to take his soul. The street on which he died turned into a flowing river of light, and he hesitated at its banks. I told him to take a deep breath as if its the last one you will ever take, because sometimes in life, or in death I guess, you just never know.
S2 E1Send in the Clown
Nah, five deaths is not a disaster.
How many deaths is a disaster?
More than five. Five's bullshit.
How many?
16 to 20, disaster; 21 and up, catastrophe; 8 to 15 is a calamity.
7 and under?
That's a cryin' shame.
Are you going to finish those hashbrowns?
Probably not.
(he takes them from her plate and eats them. Roxie stabs him with her knife but he moves his hand just in time.)
Fucking bloody hell.
I'm outta here.
Did you see that? I mean just because I wanted some of her hashbrowns.
I was there.
I've never seen such violence over such small potatoes.
Oh, that was almost clever.
What was almost clever, Rube?
The thing about the hashbrowns being small potatoes.
I don't get it...because hashbrowns are small potatoes.
Never mind.
S2 E2The Ledger
[Mason practices at being the world's most incompetent shell game actor.]
You know why people play the shell game?
Because they think they can beat the odds.
Wrong. They think they can beat you. They think they're smarter than you. [pause] In this case, they're right.
I'm smarter than you think.
You smart enough to play stupid?
I am so smart, I'm practically retarded.
SESecurity Expert
Ripoff. Report... Identify... Prove... Ostracize... Fire.
[aside, to Delores] Rip-of?
SESecurity Expert
You got a problem there Millie?
[aka Millie] You misspelled ripoff. You dropped an 'f'.
SESecurity Expert
Oh I see. We have ourselves a smart-ass.
Don't you mean smart as?
S2 E3Ghost Story
When I was your age, I used to treat the crust like it was just there to hold the good stuff in. I used to leave the whole back end of it on the plate. As I got older, I learned to appreciate the crust.
[voiceover] Once upon a time, there was a girl named George. Who couldn't quite forget… there was once upon a time.
George [after being asked what animal she thought best described her] I'm a cat. I mean not like a house cat, not like Murray, Delores. I'm a stray, who wanders the streets alone, kind of distant and mean. I'm not a cat you'd wanna pet or bring home to your kids... you just don't know where those claws are, ya know, and I'm a black cat and I have many, many lives... and now you know who I am.
S2 E4The Shallow End
You do that, you know. You withhold the love.
How can I withhold that which I do not possess?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dead Like Me pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.