Dan, Telemarketer and others in “The Telemarketer”

It's me! I mean, I'm you! I mean, you know who you are! Stop calling me!

Oh, I can't do that now, can I? Not after I spent 6 months in jail because the police thought I was YOU!

Because you stole my identity! Whose fault is that?

So I should just let it go then?

I WOULD!

By the way, hi, Chris and Elise. You guys look stunning! You do. Have you been working out? tell? tell? Oh stop, you.

Hey! Don't be charmed by this miscreant! Need I remind you that he's calling your house, too?

Dan's right. I get one more sales call at 4am and you find out how hard it is to dial without fingers.

Whoa now, tigress. I'm gonna have to put you on a leash. I don't have a problem with you guys. I won't call you anymore. Heh?

Huh. Alright, then.

And you'll stop calling me, too?

[laughs] It's adorable that you think that.

Oh, come on! Look, I got you thrown in jail. Fine. But this is just sub-human.

Listen man-cookie. I learned all about "sub-human" on cellblock 2.

Well, I got what I wanted. I'll be outside.

I demand to know why you've called me over 200 times in the last 24 hours.

Ha. Maybe I have a dream, Dan. You ever think of that?

Um, I had not thought of that..

Maybe I just want to be the best telemarketer I can be.

You'd, uh, probably be better at it if you called more than one person.

Chris has a point. Maybe that's not my dream after all.

[yelling] STOP PLAYING GAMES AND TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!

To drive you absolutely batty. Nutso. Around the bend. And I have to say, I don't expect it to take long. Now, I've enjoyed our little chat here, but if you don't leave immediately, I'll have you arrested for trespassing. And Dan? We're on parole.

[angrily as Chris is dragging him] YOU ABYSMAL EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING! I WILL FIND A WAY TO-

I'll call you.