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S2 E2

Dan Vs. · Season 2, Episode 2

Darla, Mall Santa and others in “The Mall Santa”

Darla

I've got something to do. Can you two get along for 20 minutes? If not, I can fire you.

[Dan runs up to pick up the bag from the present while the Mall Santa gets his sandwich out]

Mall Santa

Hey Stinky, you're not on break.

Dan

Mind your business.

Chris

He's not so bad, you know. He just takes Christmas very seriously.

Mall Santa

I hate Christmas.

Chris

I don't see how you can hate Christmas, you're Santa!

Mall Santa

It's a long story... When I was a kid, Santa never got me the Sergent Sascatchawand action figure I wanted.

Chris

That wasn't a long story. And it seems like you've made an odd career choice.

Mall Santa

This isn't my career. It's just something I do until my interpretive dance starts getting the recognition it deserves.

Chris

Oh.

Mall Santa

Shouldn't you be in your fishbowl?

Chris

Probably.

[Dan is digging a pile of snow and sees everyone at the mall, while a dart shoots at the tree as Elise would be shocked wondering who's inside the snowman outfit, Elise would throw the shuriken to the snowglobe as Chris screams, then she vanishes]

Dan

Hey! Let me- Elise?

Elise

Who's the snowman?!

Dan

Where did you come from? I didn't even see you.

Elise

Who is in the snowman costume?! Tell me!

Dan

I don't know, okay? It's just some guy. Some guy I don't know.

Elise

What are you doing?

Dan

[laughs] Oh, it's gonna be awesome. See, the Mall Santa

Elise

I don't care. Never mind.

[the lights turn off as the mall closes]

Darla

Okay, closing time! Good merriness today, people! Except for you, Snowman. You were phoning it in. Get out of my snow globe.

Chris

[gets out of his snowman outfit] Oh thank goodness. It smells like feet in there.

Dan

Hey, Mall Santa, I was thinking Maybe we should bury the hatchet.

Mall Santa

I don't know, I kind of like the hatchet where it is.

Dan

Oh, come on. Hey, want to see something cool?

Mall Santa

Okay.

Dan

Check out the gingerbread house.

Mall Santa

Yeah, it's great.

Dan

No, no. Look closer. Go on. There's eggnog over there.

Darla

What are you two doing?

Mall Santa

Stinky wants me to look at the gingerbread house.

Darla

Why? Is something wrong with it?

Dan

No! Wait! [she steps on Dan's trap as candy canes would attaack her]

Darla

You're fired.

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