TV QuotesDatabase
S2 E2

Dan Vs. · Season 2, Episode 2

Darla, Dan and others in “The Mall Santa”

[Dan is dressed up as an elf]

Darla

5 minutes, everyone! Magic time!

Dan

This is beneath me.

Chris

At least you don't have to spend all day in a giant snow globe. [he wears his snowman outfit and goes inside the snowglobe]

Mall Santa

Ho, ho.

Dan

Who gives a crap? Watch it! And what kind of language is that? Santa's supposed to be jolly and kind, you jerk.

Mall Santa

Get out of my face. I'm working a minimum wage job for a holiday I don't even celebrate.

Dan

How can you not celebrate Christmas? You're Santa!

Mall Santa

I'm confused. I know you're not a child because you have facial hair. But it sounds like you actually believe in Santa Claus.

Dan

Of course I do! Read your Bible!

Mall Santa

Listen to me, you unshaven little elf, if you ever-

Darla

What's going on here? Why aren't you two working? I was trying to-

Mall Santa

Supervisor Darla, this poor little elf is having some trouble getting into the Christmas spirit.

Dan

Get your filthy hands off me, you fat-

Darla

[stops Dan from attacking Santa Claus] Whoa whoa whoa now. That is no way for an elf to speak to Jolly St. Nick. You better straighten up and fly right mister, or I'll find someone else to fill those pointy shoes!

Mall Santa

[pats Dan's head] Ho ho ho, ugly. [he pushes Dan down the path until he lands on the floor]

Dan

MALL SANTA!!!

Mall Santa

Ho, ho, ho!

More from this episode

All quotes from this episode →

More Dan Vs. quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dan Vs. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.