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S2 E2

Dan Vs. · Season 2, Episode 2

Dan, Mall Santa and others in “The Mall Santa”

Dan

[angrily walks up to Mall Santa] I hope you asked for pain this Christmas, because I'm going to-

Mall Santa

Going to what? Please, tell Santa, and this innocent, sickly child who loves Christmas more than life itself, what you're going to do.

Dan

I'm going to- Walk the reindeer.

Mall Santa

That was one of Santa's magical helper elves! I call him "Stinky".

Sick Boy

Bye, Stinky!

[Dan taps on the glass]

Chris

[takes off his snowman head] Could you not tap on the glass? Sound gets magnified like crazy in there. I have a massive headache already.

Dan

Sure, just help me get rid of the Mall Santa.

Chris

Dan, can't you just let it go for once? It's Christmas.

Dan

That's exactly my point! This man is a representative of Santa. A diplomat, if you will. And, get this, the guy doesn't even believe in Christmas!

Chris

That can't be right. He's Santa!

Dan

Now, we can't act until his lunch break, so the kids don't see, but I have a plan that involves licking a candy cane down to a razor-sharp point and then stabbing him in his bowl full of jelly!

Chris

Okay. Even if I were willing to help you commit assault with a deadly holiday candy, I can't lose this job. I have to buy Christmas presents. And so do you. Remember Mr. Mumbles?

Dan

Mr. Mumbles will understand! I'm defending the good name of Santa here!

Darla

What are you two doing? Breaks every 6 hours, not in between. Back to the happiness mines, people!

Chris

Sorry, Dan, can't help you.

Darla

Oh. Cheer up, and that's an order! If you can't be happy, I'll find an elf who can!

Mall Santa

That's right, little fellow! Ho, ho, ho!

Dan

This isn't over.

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