Stella Bonasera quotes from CSI: NY

Mac Taylor

(Speaking for his female avatar) Hi. I like the name. (pause) I love waterfalls, don't you?

Stella Bonasera

(Laughing) Oh, my God.

Mac Taylor

What?

Stella Bonasera

You have no game whatsoever.

Mac Taylor

Look, I don't need a backseat avatar.

Stella

All right, then move over. Come on. Before your suspect bails. (takes the headset in his place on the game) Hey, Don. Sorry about that. I was, uh, distracted by a phone call. My name's Taylor. What do you say we get outta here and go for a walk?

Lindsay

(walking into Stella's office and sees a gift on her desk) Only 61 days until Christmas, although it looks like you've already gotten some gifts.

Stella

Uh, yeah. It's getting embarrassing. This guy I met a couple of weeks ago. He's extremely persistent. Last week it was a parachute. This week it's rock climbing gear.

Lindsay

(smiling) Sounds like Mr. Adventure wants to get physical.

Mac

I hate zombies.

Stella

Yeah, they spoil all the fun, don't they?

Stella

Was he with anyone?

A smoking hot brunette in a red dress. She made the reservation, under Florence Nightingale. I'm thinking fake name.

Real sharp, Larry.

Stella

You know, Lindsay, I don't think these lollipops are lollipops. (tests one) Heroin.

Lindsay

Well, that changes everything.

Sid

(walking into the lab with Stella) Our vic's body couldn't help but remind me of my Great-Uncle Andy.

Stella

Oh, hearing that is enough to make any model break into tears.

Sid

(chuckling) Oh, no, there's no physical resemblance, although he was in freakishly superior shape for an octogenarian. But no, what I mean is Uncle Andy would never finish telling a story. Every time you thought he was done, he'd find something more to say.

Stella

(charging into his office) What the hell were you thinking, Drew?! I mean, this was not cute or funny or the least bit charming. I told you, I didn't want you to send me any more gifts, and I thought I made it perfectly clear that I was not interested. And then you put this box on my truck? I called the bomb squad, Drew.

It's not from me, Stella. Look, every gift I sent to your office was with a card. You know, there was a theme going on, in case you hadn't noticed. A puzzle doesn't exactly say 'take a risk'.

He holds Mac responsible for losing someone in his family.

Lindsay

So what? Now he wants Mac to lose someone in his family?

Stella

Yeah. One of us.

Danny

(holding the iPod) So, this is what was used to hijack the train. He attached an MP3 player to the control panel. The sick bastard.

Stella

Ya, well that sick bastard is Mac's stalker.

Laughing Larry? You gotta be kidding me. Do you have any idea how much of my childhood was cruelly destroyed by this moron?

Lindsay

Trust me. I feel your pain.

Stella

You two wanna enlighten me here?

I was into comic books as a kid, right?

Yep.

And this guy had a full-page ad in the back of each and every one of ‘em selling things like Dribble Glasses, Onion Gum, Hypno-Coins, Whoopee cushions.

Lindsay

Plastic vomit, rubber dog-doo.

Hmm. Sounds great.

Oh, yeah. And it all looked great. And I'd do whatever it took. I would scrimp, I would save, I would mow every last lawn in the neighborhood to get my hands on Sneezing Salts or a hundred-piece Battle Fleet. And then, I go to the mailbox, and right there, before my innocent young eyes, would be disappointment in a cardboard box.

Lindsay

I once spent my entire summer allowance on this hovercraft that Laughing Larry said would take me and my friends riding on a carpet of thin air. Hovercrap!

How about the x-ray specs I bought in middle school to see through a girl's clothes? The only thing I ever saw through those was a nun coming at me with a yardstick.

Sid

(scratching at his arms and shoulders during the post) All right, then, ladies, unless there's something else?

Stella

There is one more thing, Sid. Mucuna pruriens. In India, they're also known as velvet-bean, cow-itch, but here in the United States, we usually call it itching powder. (hands him the evidence bag with a packet as Lindsay starts laughing)

Sid

Oh, no, oh, no...

Stella

It looks like he stuck it in his pocket, and after the blast, it wound up dispersed on his clothes.

Sid

(looking between the two women) Why aren't you...

Stella

A long-sleeved lab coat. Both stylish and functional.

Sid

Exploding cigars, insect ice-cubes, itching powder... what kind of a clown are we after?

Detective Stella Bonasera

Your divorce was finalized a week ago. The judge who presided over it was just found dead. What would you call that?

A happy coincidence.

Angell

Is that supposed to be funny?

Depends. You have a sense of humor?

Angell

Depends. You're funny?

Adam

(holding a magnifying glass to some burnt paper) Is this real? You think someone's in trouble?

Stella

I don't know, Adam. You know, I found these in my apartment after the fire. Now, the edges are singed and the paper's burned, so clearly they were in the apartment before the fire started.

Adam

And you don't recognize the writing.

Stella

No.

Adam

Maybe it's from a friend?

Stella

Oh, and this friend wrote me a note that said, Help me?

Adam

Uh, maybe you're a bad cook.

Stella

So much of this case doesn't make any sense. How does the fire play into all of this and why does a six-year-old little girl even know how to use a lighter? (Mac is giving her a look) What?

Mac

For the last two days I've been trying to figure out how to gingerly tell you to sit this one out. Go deal with the loss of your home, take care of yourself. But I realize now what a total waste of my breath it would have been.

I hear you have an inspector in-house.

Stella

Yeah, I think, at some point, she worked with Mac. They were both up for his job.

He doesn't mind her looking over his shoulder?

Stella

Actually, it's weird, he seems to be fine with it.

Is she pretty? This inspector? (she gives him a look as he smiles) I'm just sayin'.