Danny Messer quotes from CSI: NY

[to Mac and Danny] All right, so you two are the smart cops.

Danny Messer

Yeah, somewhere along the way we learned to read.

Still browsing?

Danny Messer

How much are they?

$29 a piece

Danny Messer

(to Shane Casey) You're the only normal, sober guy at this party.

Will do, detective. (Then he walks away and Danny sees he is wearing a grass skirt and nothing underneath.)

Detective Danny Messer

[Finds a design on the victim's underwear] SG? What the hell does that stand for?

Adam Ross

I know what SG stands for. Yeah, I, uh, used to date one of them and uh, phew, yeah she kind of broke my heart. It was a long time ago.

Detective Danny Messer

Nevermind, nevermind. What's this mean?

Adam Ross

Oh, uh, she's a Suicide Girl.

Detective Lindsay Monroe

I need you to take this, okay?

Detective Danny Messer

Why?

Detective Lindsay Monroe

I'm no good with mothers, all right? Fathers, I can give bad news to all day long. I can't face mothers. I need you to take it.

Detective Danny Messer

All right. Okay, I got it.

[to Danny and Mac] Hey. So I went down to the deli to get a cinnamon twist and ran into a friend of ours. [shows them a "scandal" magazine with a picture of Mandy Foster on the front cover]

Danny

Paparazzi must have been hiding behind a potted plant.

Stella

Hey Danny, tell me you got something to connect Veronica the maid to Jordan's death.

Danny Messer

No, but I do have a St. Bernard with fleas, and a poodle with a skin condition, I think.

Adam Ross

Hey guys.

Detective Stella Bonasera

Adam.

Adam Ross

Hey Danny, you remember that rust stuff you found in the alley?

Detective Danny Messer

Rust stuff? Rust stuff? You respect the time it took me to collect that, at least call it "trace."

Detective Stella Bonasera

What?

Adam Ross

North American Grizzly Bear. But, but there's more. The blood on this rock is a match to Cyrus Menlo, but it's also a match to the blood found on these leaves.

Detective Stella Bonasera

Both human blood, right?

Detective Danny Messer

You got one leaf - with a hole in the middle of it.

Adam Ross

A hole probably made from a spike or something with a jagged edge. Right, huh, you see where I'm going here?

Detective Stella Bonasera

Bear blood, molasses, leaves with human blood on them, a spike and a jagged edge, you're talking bear traps.

Adam Ross

Yes, you win the washer and dryer.

Detective Danny Messer

Whoa, whoa, whoa, help me out here. You're telling me Cyrus Menlo was caught in a bear trap?

Adam Ross

Yeah.

Detective Danny Messer

You're crazy.

Adam Ross

It's the only conclusion we can arrive at with this evidence.

Detective Danny Messer

So Tanaka sets the bear trap, leads Cyrus Menlo down the alley, Tanaka goes into the warehouse...

Adam Ross

- Bang bang, Tanaka gets shot. Cyrus walks out, steps in the trap while Tanaka bleeds to death inside the warehouse. Moral of the story, alright: stick with bowling. What up?

Adam Ross

Check this out. [He puts a slide under the microscope] Alright, look, look. It's a piece of the moon. A moon rock. Yeah, this rock is, is from the moon.

Detective Danny Messer

From the moon?

Adam Ross

Outer space.

Detective Danny Messer

Get outta here. Wow. How did a piece of the moon end up in the alley?

Adam Ross

I-I don't know. This stuff is illegal to have and somebody went through a lot of trouble to get it. I mean I've seen this stuff listed on eBay before, you know, and most of it isn't real, but if it is short of going to the moon they would have had to steal from NASA.

Detective Danny Messer

Something happened in that alley and I don't think it had anything to do with what happened in the warehouse.

Sheldon Hawkes

It took three high-risk surgeries practicing my profession to realize that I didn't want to be the one who would stand over somone when they took their last breath. So, I took a job at the ME's office. Because I thought that if God did have a last say in death, I could at least do something about it if they were taken too soon. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

Danny Messer

Hey, you're still a doctor, Sheldon.

Adam

There you are. I've been trying to reach you guys.

Danny

My phone drowned.

Adam

Ahhh. Bean-O-Rama.

Sheldon Hawkes

It took three high-risk surgeries exercising my profession to learn sometimes it's just your time, and there's nothing medicine can do about it. [Flashback]

Danny Messer

So you just walked away?

Hawkes

Yeah, learned the hard way that I didn't want to be the guy standing over somebody when they took their last breath. So, took a job at the ME's office, figured if God had the final say when someone died, I could at do something about it if they were taken too soon. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

Danny

Hey, you're still a doctor, Sheldon.

They picked today for the stunt cos the conditions were perfect.

Danny

Yeah well there was a slight change in forecast, to cloudy, with a chance of birds.

Danny

You guys in position?

Yeah, we're ready.

Danny

(Let's the bird go) Houston, we have lift off.

(To Stella) Seems you and Taylor got a knack for hiring high-tech geeks with a penchant for commiting felonies.

Danny Messer

Why don't we step outside, grandpa? I'll show you what kind of geek I am.

Stella

Danny, get the hell outta here. Now. (to the Captain) Let me tell you something. If you ever threaten a member of my team again I will make it my personal mission to have your badge. The crime scene is yours, Captain.