CSI: Crime Scene Investigation quotes

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Archie: You know, if I had my choice about how I was going to go out, it would not be electrocution. I think an aneurysm in my sleep, quick and painless.
Warrick: I like surprises.

Brass: "Moes." I'm rubbing off on you. (Brass steals a bite of Sara's food)
Sara: No, you're not, and stay away from my seabass.

Brass: (finds a pair of blood covered jeans) Whoa. Is this a pair of jeans under all that blood?
Grissom: [quoting Shakespeare] Yet who would've thought the old man could have so much blood in him?
Brass: What was that?
Grissom': That's Shakespeare.

Brass: (looking at Jesse's polygraph results) Well, the sick bastard is on the up and up. Except your last question. Your "Why"?
Catherine: That they killed the family so they could be together?
Brass: Operator says his respiratory reactions were inconsistent. He's lying.
Nick: We got them both. I don't much care why they did it.
Warrick: I'm with you there.
Grissom: I care. I don't like holes. What are they hiding?

Brass: (to Sara and Grissom, who are trying to identify the pipe used in the bombings) Don't you love the smell of sulfur in the afternoon?

Brass: [to a suspect] Newsflash, sweetheart. You can't make a deal if you keep your mouth shut.

Brass: A kid from a crime lab doing favors for a hooker, can't make the unit look too good, huh, boss?
Grissom: Yeah, well, I'll get into it.
Brass: I bet that's just what Nicky said.
Catherine: [walking past them and toward the crime scene] You two ladies done talking? It's hot out here.
Brass: [Leads them to the body] Kid over there was taking a whiz on the side of the road, found the body.
Grissom: [Touches the body] And she's stiff...like a two-minute burrito that's only been nukes for a minute.
Brass: In this heat?

Brass: An innocent man. Jail's full of them.
Grissom: It only takes one.

Brass: Did you hear the one about the comedian who died onstage?
Catherine: Ba-dum-bum
Brass: I'll be here all week.

Brass: Geez. Haven't these people ever heard of divorce?

Brass: Have you ever seen anything like this before?
Catherine: How it manifested? No. But the cause? (beat) People throw things away every day.

Brass: Hey, Gil, there's something stuck to your shoe... Oh, it's just Sanders.
[Greg gives him a dry look]

Brass: Hey, I uh talked to the manager. All he said was the renter paid cash and the guy; he seemed pretty normal.
Catherine: Normal people don't torture people in storage bins.

Brass: I hate having lunch with you CSIs, you notice everything.

Brass: I ID'd her body through AFIS, and located her husband.
Grissom: Let me guess. Downtown? The Fremont District? (Brass looks disappointed)
Brass: You know, I'm not even going to ask.
(Warrick and Catherine are looking at the Sorenson painting and Nick walks in)