Eustace Bagge quotes from Courage the Cowardly Dog

Dr. Vindaloo

Aha! Nothing to worry about. But, there's nothing I can do. [leaves the house]

This is all your fault, dog. You and that rotten tree. Now I gotta order take-out for breakfast. [picks Courage up and boots him out the front door] Stupid dog!

Muriel

Oh, Eustace, aren't you excited about your birthday party?

Ain't gonna be no party.

Excuse me, sir, but would you please help me across the street?

You got legs, don't you? Help yourself!

[mumbling while sleeping] There ain't no curse.

Muriel

[wakes up, seeing the rain cloud curse soaking up the bed; disgusted] Eustace!

Huh?

Muriel

The bed's getting soggy. If you can't do away with this curse, you're gonna have to sleep on the roof.

Bah. Ain't no such thing as curses. [wipes the rain from his glasses] No way, no how. [takes off his glasses and wipes them with a cloth, but is startled by lightning strikes from the cloud, causing his glasses to fly out of his hand and land on the edge of the roof] Hey! My glasses! No! I can't see! Where?! Where?! [sees a TV antenna] Huh? Muriel, is that you? [hallucinates the antenna as a wiry monster, then rubs his eyes] You're not Muriel! [starts wrestling with the antenna as Courage comes up with a blanket] Get off my roof! I don't know who you are! [sees Courage] Huh? Huh? [hallucinates him as a giant, sharp-toothed fish, then growls in rage] No solicitors! [charges towards Courage, who screams in fear, and grabs him by the throat] Now you get! We don't want any! [throws Courage off the roof]

Muriel

Rain or no rain, that man should really come to his own birthday party. [calling him through the stove] Eustace, get down here this instant! [Eustace is removing some mushrooms that are growing on his body; through chimney pipe] Eustace, did you hear me? What are you doing up there?!

Huh? [hallucinates the chimney pipe as a snake]

Muriel

Your guests are waiting!

No solicitors. Especially at this hour! You want a piece of me? You want a piece of me?! [rips off a piece of roof plank, then charges towards the chimney pipe and dives in it; then comes out of the stove, scaring everyone while covered in soot]

Muriel

Oh, my. [annoyed] Now see what you went and done, Eustace?! You scared off your guests!

Huh?

Muriel

And you're leaving a ring on the floor! [holds out a coaster] Here, stand on this coaster.

[retorting] You can't fool me! [hallucinates her as a monster] Who? You're not Muriel! [grabs her and pins her down on the floor] One, two, three, I win!

Muriel

You know, Eustace. You should thank Courage for getting rid of that curse.

[takes the thermometer out of his mouth and notices Courage wearing his hat] What you doing with my hat, dog? Bah! [snatches the hat from Courage and puts it on his own head, causing the rain cloud curse to reappear] Bah! There ain't no such thing as a curse. [gets struck by lightning] Bah!

[offering Muriel a jar of cookies] Here, my princess, is your daily supply of royal cookies.

Muriel

Thank you, most trusted royal Poohbah. [opens the lid; sniffs] Oh, they smell heavenly. My compliments to the royal baker.

Yeah, yeah, compliments, sure.

Muriel

[looks inside the jar and sees there are no cookies] Hmm.

Something wrong, your princess-ness?

Muriel

There seems to be some cookies missing from the royal cookie jar. Royal Poohbah, do you know who could be responsible for such a terrible crime?

Ain't me. Got me sugarcane.

[presses the fly-paper into Muriel's face] Muriel, your face keeps getting in the way! [accidentally rips off her face as it's stuck to the fly-paper] You ruined my good fly-paper!

Muriel

[threateningly] Eustace, put my face back where it belongs, or it's cold cuts for dinner! [Eustace places her face back on her head, but in upside-down; annoyingly unamused] Oh, you are cheeky. [Eustace rotates her face back to its right side up position; she then bashes him on the head with a rolling pin, making sure he never does that again]

OW!!! [dizzily] What did I do?

Muriel

Eustace! What happened to you?

[pulls out stacks of money, happily] Money! [starts laughing]

Muriel

[reading the poem sign] "Whomever steps inside this place, must vanity and greed erase. For if you're vain, well, that's no good. Signed, all of us who wear a hood. P.S.: We warned you."

Gobbledygook.

Muriel

Sounds like people who love themselves and their money more than anything else aren't welcome here.

Big deal.

[coming across the golden hat] It's beautiful! I'd sure look good wearing that hat. [imagines himself wearing the hat and in a pile of gold and cash; laughs as he reaches his hand for the hat, but Muriel smacks it away] OW!

Muriel

Can't you read? [points to a sign, reading…] "Do not touch."

Nope. [chuckles and takes the golden hat, ignoring the sign]

Muriel

Now see what you went and done, Eustace?

Courage

Put Muriel down!

Make me!

Muriel

Arms in, shoulders back, bend over backwards. Ah, the power of doing housework. [puts the last shirt on top of the three shirts she had already folded. Eustace, wearing a towel, walks into the room. He grabs his shirt that was underneath the three shirts Muriel had folded and pulls it out, causing the three shirts to fall to the floor; annoyed] Eustace.

Uh, sorry. You had the pile upside down.

Muriel

Arms in, shoulders back, bend over backwards. Arms in, shoulders back, bend over backwards.

Muriel, you folded me clothes too tight. What are you trying to do to me?

Muriel

I didn't do anything different, just the usual wash and fluff and fold. Must be the new detergent I'm using.

Muriel

Beautiful. A good shine can make an old woman look young again.

[lowers his newspaper] Ain't nothing gonna make you young again. [puts down his newspaper] So just give me my shoes.

Muriel

[gets up and gives Eustace his shoes] Here you are, [Eustace takes his shoes from her] crabby.

[puts on his shoes] Eh, who needs them polished anyway? Just gonna get scuffed. Stupid as showering.[Courage is gnawing on an anchor when Eustace's shoes explode] Muriel! What are you trying to do to me? [grabs his leg] Next time you wanna blow up my shoes, take 'em out back!

Muriel

But I shined them just like always. Maybe they've changed the shoe polish formula.

Muriel

There it is for you, Eustace. I steamed it and blocked it, like always. [gives Eustace his hat]

Thanks. [takes his hat from Muriel and puts it on his head, but the two chickens that were inside the hat start pecking on Eustace's head. Eustace runs around screaming in pain]

Muriel

Must be something new they're putting in the steam.