"And there goes my eyesight."
S2 E91980 MLB All-Star Game
"Feel like this at bat started at last year's All-Star game."
"Now baseball in the 80's is a sport that featured the greatest mascot in American sports history."
"Marge Schott."
"Alright the point is we felt that Cheap Seats as a sports franchise deserved its own mascot too."
"So we combed the country. Scouting Renaissance fairs, Illegal rodeos, Wal-Mart grand openings looking for every conceivable novelty creature."
"And we narrowed it down to the three finalist. Here are their auditions."
RERik Esasky
(Wearing a chicken suit) "First off I will not wear this head. I don't believe in it. I will not act like a goofy mascot."
(Wearing a chocolate chip cookie suit) "You might have seen me in a few roles. I played a chocolate chip cookie in the How About Some Milk campaign."
(A homeless person) "To be honest man I haven't been inside of a building In about five years. I'm freaked out man."
RERik Esasky
"I will not shine a bald man's head at a baseball game."
"I'm a gogetrahidra I can do anything. You ask me to do anything and I can do it."
" I can make a dollar last me month. A month!!"
RERik Esasky
"I will not run and dive on a rain soaked tarp."
"I can play many different types of cookies."
JJudge
"You can lose those chocolate chips if we need you to?"
"Absolutly I can take them out I can play Pecan Sandy if that's what you want uh these are birthmarks so."
(Crying) "Ah man have you ever since a cat without it's eyeballs in it's head" (digging through a trash bag)
JJudges
"No no no no!"
"You have? What's the answer?"
JJudge
"So what kind of talents do you bring to the table?"
"Well I think the question is what talents don't I bring."
RERik Esasky
"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy."
"Uh I can find vitamins in cigarette butts. Alot of vitamins in that stuff yall guys don't know."
"You know I can..Cookie Dance I don't know If you could use that on your show."
"Did you know If you're feeling emotional pain if you hurt yourself in the (beep) it stops it?"
"Stage talking. Hello! How are you!? Please dunk me in milk."
RERik Esasky
"Where be now your jives, your gambles, your songs?"
"I can..I made these shoes..made those shoes. I made those shoes!"
"When would you do something like that?"
RERik Esasky
"Well clearly not here apparently."
"Did the cookie seem racist to you?"
"A little bit but I feel like that's his hook."
"Just like Marge Schott."
"You know I'm just surprised that the Dodger ball boy didn't go into the stands and try to swipe the ball from the guy that just caught it."
(In lower voice) "Some sad news, Griffey's ten year old song Ken Jr. torn his ACL during the father-son catch prior to the game."
"Tommy John? Was this pre or post bionic arm surgery?"
"I think it was pre."
"Or was it!"
AMAl Michaels
"Ken Reitz the batter."
"That's Detective Reitz to you Al."
"Played by a young Dennis Franz."
"Were not going to see is naked rump are we?"
"Ahh Ken Reitz, what's an All-Star game without him?"
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cheap Seats pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.