Piper Halliwell quotes from Charmed

What if it doesn't work?

Piper

Well, then it was a bad idea.

Mattress!

S8 Run, Piper, Run

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Leo (talking about Piper making Wyatt a costume for a school play, Piper wants to use magic) You wanted a normal life, remember?

Piper

Yes, but that was before I realized our son was going to be humiliated in front of his entire class!

Oh, that happened to me all the time. Only made me stronger.

Piper

And shut it!

S8 Desperate Housewitches

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(The Charmed Ones orb into a classroom in Magic School, as demons walk through the corridor.)

Billie was right. It's demon central.

(The sisters peek out of the door, and see Leo talking to The Source.)

Just trying to help you with the kid, that's all.

SThe Source

Now why don't I believe that?

Piper

We gotta hurry. Leo's in trouble.

Yeah, well, how are we going to stop The Source? We have no potions.

It's gonna take a lot more than potions.

How did you do it last time?

Piper

Not the same way we gonna do it this time.

You have a plan?

Piper

Yeah, and it starts with Mandy.

(In the Great Hall, Mandy watches The Source staring at Leo.)

MMandy

If you don't trust him, just kill him. Then we can go on a family outing. Slaughter a few innocents, have a picnic!

(The Source edges towards Leo, and sniffs.)

SThe Source

There's not a drop of evil in him. HE'S NOT A DEMON AT ALL!

(He then looks down to see Wyatt standing beside Leo. Leo pulls Wyatt behind him, and The Source looks up at him, gasping in surprise.)

SThe Source

This is too good to be true ... Daddy!

MMandy

What?!? Wait...

(Suddenly, Mandy faints to the ground, and the possessor demon separates from her.)

DDemon

What happened? Who did this?

Piper

We did.

(The Charmed Ones enter the Great Hall. As they do, The Source turns to them, and Leo grabs Wyatt, both of them heading to a chair and hiding behind it.)

SThe Source

I should have known the Charmed Ones weren't really dead! Only you've gone soft in my absence. WITHOUT THE HOLLOW, YOU CAN'T HURT ME!

Piper

Oh really? Hey, cupcake!

(Piper blasts the possessor demon into a wall. Just as the demon manages to get to her feet, Piper blows her up The Source yells in agony as he is pulled into a fiery portal, which then explodes and vanishes.)

Talk about your ball and chain!

I don't really understand. How did you ...

Piper

Well, she conjured him, so they're connected. She goes, he goes.

For eternity now.

Okay, well, we probably should get out of here, before any other demons recognise us...

What are we going to do with her? (nodding to Mandy, who is lying unconcsious on the floor)

Piper

Oh, come on, we don't need to save her! (Phoebe looks at her) What? She's still too perky!

S8 Desperate Housewitches

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I was just trying to help

How is this helping?

I didn't mean for you to get married!

Well you know what? I did, and I cannot believe you used magic when we specifically told you not to.

I thought you just meant demon magic not innocent magic!

Oh, really and (pointing at dress) this is innocent?!

Well, you look fabulous!

Oh you know what, don't try and butter me up with the compliments missy!

Piper

(running in) Are you out of your mind? What did you do now?

Do I have start from the beginning again?

Piper

I can't believe you did this with Agent Murphy watching our very move?

Skip down, I already went through that with her

I still don't know what I did was so bad

(flashes engagement ring) THIS! This is what's bad!

Piper

Wow! That's Huge!

S8 Rewitched

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Is this what we've been reduced to? Loveless sex? Pimping?

Piper

Yes.

S8 Rewitched

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(The Charmed Ones walk through Home Security, people staring at them on their way. The secretary stands up, shocked, as they approach her.):

Piper

Hi, how's it going? Uh, by any chance, is Agent Murphy in?

SSecretary

Who-who shall I say is calling?

Oh, I don't know girls. Maybe we should just ... surprise him!

S8 Rewitched

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Piper

Great! Witch vanquishes demon, film at eleven.

But the press doesn't even know who I am! That's why I'm the perfect girl for the job. Plus, I wanna do it.

Why do you wanna do it?

So I can show you guys that I can. Come on! Please? I know I can do this.

Piper

Fine, but if you get caught on tape I will vanquish you.

S8 Kill Billie Vol. 1

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Speaking of those problems, I think I have figured out a way to get the press off of our broomsticks... (Three rats crawl next to a wall behind Piper) Holy- We have rats!

Piper

Yeah, they're everywhere, get used to it. So what's this big solution?

Where did they come from?

Piper

The San Francisco Chronicle, uhm... Daily News and the Inquirer. I found them nosing around the garbage.

So you turn them into rodents?

Piper

Well, I could've blown them up.

S8 Kill Billie Vol. 1

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Piper

(talking about Agent Murphy) He can't make us do this on a weekly basis, it's boring.

Well... if he does, we'll just turn him into a frog or something...

S8 Battle of the Hexes

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I'm very busy too. I have dates, lots and lots of dates.

Piper

Are you trying to get pregnant again?

No, I'm tryling to find love.

S8 Battle of the Hexes

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He's got case files for us.

What are we, Charlie's Witches? We don't work for him.

Apparently he seems to think that. Especially reminding me over and over, he bailed us out of our little jam.

Piper

That's blackmail.

No, that's your taxpayers dollars at work.

S8 Battle of the Hexes

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Piper

See, this is what a Krychek demon is supposed to look like.

Well, maybe the one you guys were following was just a bigger one.

Piper

No, this wasn't just bigger. This was like going from you to Schwarzenegger.

That is so weird.

Piper

Yes, scary weird.

(Leo comes out carrying skiing equipment.)

Piper

Oh, good, you found the skis!

Yeah! But, they're kinda old, though. Maybe we should just rent new ones, you know? (He drops the skiing boots) Ah! Damnit!

Piper

Watch your language. Wyatt is picking up everything we say lately.

I'm gonna get some more coffee. You guys want anything?

Piper

No, thanks.

(Phoebe goes to the kitchen.)

Piper

You okay with those?

Yes, I got there. Listen, why don't we finish packing? I wanna miss traffic, okay?

Piper

I know, I'm gonna. I just, I need to talk to agent Murphy first about this demon of his.

Piper...

Piper

What? I- I can't just let it go. Can I?

Yes, you can. C'mon, when are we the last time had weekend together, alone?

Piper

I know, and I promise, nothing is gonna stop that from happening, I promise, but I… just kind need to talk him first.

Well, why… can't Billie talk to him?

(Paige walks in.)

You guys, I can not find Billie anywhere. She's not answering. Maybe we could just get her pager?

Piper

Well, just keep trying.

Phoebe (back from the kitchen): Oh, Paige! Henry called for you last night.

Why? What'd he want?

Uh, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure he wants, you.

That's ridiculous.

Piper

Why? Don't you like him?

No!

Really? Then why is your face turning red?

It's not turning red, I probably just put too much blush on.

It's… kinda turning red.

(Piper chuckles.)

Piper

Ok, why don't you and me (points to Phoebe) go see what the government's not telling us? And I'll be right back, I swear. (She kisses Leo, then heads for the door with Phoebe.)

Hey, don't you have a lunch date?

I canceled. I'm taking a little hiatus.

From lunch?

From men.

(Piper and Phoebe leave.)