Piper Halliwell quotes from Charmed

Phoebe

Leave Leo alone!

Piper

He's my husband! Why did you do that for?

Paige

I just felt like it!

Leo

All right, stop it. You guys are gonna kill each other. How did this happen?

Phoebe

We made it happen.

Piper

All right, we have work to do.

Paige

If you guys will excuse me, I'm gonna go check on little Ramon.

Piper

Don't you mean Henry?

Paige

No, I mean Ramon.

Phoebe

Kiss him for me.

Paige

Henry?

Phoebe

No, Ramon!

Paige

Oh, okay.

Billie

What is going on?

Phoebe

Piper, what do you put in the food?

Piper

Food was in the food, thank you.

Phoebe

Bu-but, how do you explain this?!

Piper

But don't look at me. She's the one who said assassins!

Billie

It was a figure of speech!

Piper

Well, apparently not!

Phoebe

Anyone down here? Big box on high heels. I need some help.

Piper

Just a sec. Ah, sorry, do you need help?

Phoebe

Well, I did. Now I just need a sec.

Piper

Okay, well since I have you...

Phoebe

Um...Piper, I'm kinda running late. I have to go sign the loan docs and I wanna stop by the condo before work...

Piper

Loan docs? Wow, I didn't realize this was moving along so quickly. But, you know I've been so focused on getting Leo back.

Phoebe

Yeah, I know.

Piper

But, I have made a list of seers and oracles and anyone that might be able to foresee who we have to fight in order to get him back.

Phoebe

Great, ok. Call me if you find anything.

Piper

Well, I was thinking...I was thinking that maybe you should take my Jeep, because in my car hold so much more than yours does, doesn't it?

Phoebe

Right. Piper, are you sure you're okay with me moving out?

Piper

Yeah, of course I am. I mean we can't be roommates forever, that's just weird.

Phoebe

Ok, well. Here I go.

Paige

Oh, what I am gonna do? I'm supposed to have a date with Henry tonight and he is in the worst mood. He's lost his car keys, he's lost his wallet, he locked himself out of his apartment, and I need him to be in a good mood for that I wanna do tonight.

Piper

We aren't talking about sex, are we?

Paige

No, we aren't talking about sex. I finally screwed up my courage to tell him...you know that I'm witch and I feel like I have to do it tonight otherwise I might wuss out, and I really need to know that he is okay with who I am. You do this a lot, Pheebs, got any advice?

Phoebe

Well, hope he doesn't faint. No, I don't know, I mean, I haven't any success with these things. Just ease into it, try to lessen the blow.

Paige

Okay, how?

Phoebe

Maybe call some reinforcements, maybe ask some of your magical friends to help him to have a better day so you can have a better night?

Paige

Like fairies, or something?

Phoebe

Sure, fairies, leprechauns, whatever. Good luck.

Piper

Uh, Pheebs?

Phoebe

Uh-huh?

Piper

Oh, I was actually hoping that you can help me to let down the list a little bit before you go.

Phoebe

Oh, Piper, I'm really late.

Piper

Oh, okay. Well you know, it's just Leo. Really come on, all I need is one little premonition. How hard can it be?

Phoebe

Ok. (She put the box down.)

Piper

Hang on. There is just one more.

Phoebe

Really? I thought I took all the boxes.

Piper

Well, this one is kind of all together for you just in case you need more plants or potion vials or crystals or you know clippings of The Book of Shadows just in case.

Phoebe

Just in case that demon attacks.

Piper

Yes. Don't laugh. It's gonna happen and you know that. And when it does, you are gonna be, alone.

Phoebe

Piper, I am just moving into town. You know, it's not that far away.

Piper

Yes, but it's not at the end of hall.

Phoebe

That's true. You know, if you don't want me to go...

Piper

No. You gotta go. You know, there is some blond chick go to sleep in your room. I am just a little sad. But I can be little sad.

Phoebe

Absolutely. I am sad, too.

Piper

It's just, you know, there have been a lot of changes.

Phoebe

You know this always will be my home, right? And that will never change. This is family.

Piper

Yes. Ok. You gotta go.

Phoebe

See ya.

Piper

So I take it that you guys heard about chicken.

Rooster. And yes, we sensed it.

Go! Protect the staff!

Piper

What about my house?!

Only the staff matters. Go!

Piper

Did she say what she wanted?

Paige

She just said she wanted to speak to us.

Piper

This could very well be a trap. Did she call Phoebe?

Phoebe

Yeah, she did.

Piper

Well, at the risk of your wrath, I'm going to tell you that this could be a very bad idea.

Phoebe

I know, but please, let's just listen to what Billie has to say.

Piper

I just spoke with an Elder, and she confirmed that those two could be very big trouble for us.

Paige

What?

Piper

She wasn't 100% sure, but it is a possibility, which means sooner or later ...

Piper

You know, considering you want to kill us, maybe you should use the front door.

Billie

I don't want to kill you Piper, I just want to find out the truth.

Phoebe

Well, how do we help you find that?

Billie

Like this.

Billie

You promise not to hurt them, right?

Christy

Not until you see what you need to see.

Paige

Watch it, guys! Wait for me. This thing's heavy.

Piper

We gotta keep moving.

Phoebe

I think we're going in circles because this looks very familiar.

Paige

Yeah, it looks the same to me too.

Piper

Well, of course it does. It's the Underworld. It all looks the same. How many looks can they come up with?

Paige

No wonder they wanna take over our world. This is ugly.

Phoebe

They've already taken our world. That's why we're stuck down here. We gotta do something. Come on!

Piper

I'm open to suggestions.

Phoebe

Maybe we should talk to the leprechauns again?

Paige

No, I've had it with the leprechauns.

Piper

I think they made their allegiance pretty clear.

Phoebe

They wouldn't even give us a chance to explain.

Piper

I don't think it would have mattered. Billie and Christy have everybody thinking that we're the threat.

Phoebe

We gotta get out of here.

Phoebe

Okay, do it.

Piper

Okay, we can't keep playing Survivor: Underworld much longer.

Phoebe

What are we gonna do?

Paige

How about we just orb home?

Phoebe

No, it's too risky. Billie and Christy will be waiting for us. And their new friends.

Paige

Okay, well, we gotta do something fast because word is gonna get around that we're down here.

Piper

She's right. We can't fend off demons forever. We need a plan.

Paige

Maybe just give up?

Piper

What?

Paige

What? It's just that every time we go out and try to get a life, meet people, do new things, we seem to wind up back in these kind of lame positions. Giving up is not such a bad idea, is it?

Phoebe

No, I'm not giving up. Not now and not after I finally found someone I could see having a future with. Look, if we want our lives and Leo back... we're gonna have to fight.

Paige

Fight Billie and Christy.

Phoebe

Exactly.

Piper

Are you sure you can do it? I mean, really do it? Can you kill them?

Phoebe

Yeah, they're no different than demons now. Not after all of this.

Piper

Look out!

Paige

Energy ball!

Piper

Go, go, go!

Billie

We've been waiting for you.

Paige

Well, your wait is over.

Piper

No potions, huh?

Christy

We don't need any potions.

Phoebe

Funny. Neither do we.

Piper

I know we should never trusted you.

Christy

You should have followed your instincts.

Piper

Next time.

Billie

There won't BE a next time.

Coop

(to Piper) Hey... (he turns and sees Phoebe.) Phoebe?

Phoebe

Hi.

Coop

Thanks a lot for telling me she's alive.

Piper

You're welcome.

(surprised) Uncle Coop!

Phoebe

Uncle Coop?! What!? (she stutters stunned as Chris shakes his head at Wyatt who covers his mouth.)

Grams

Mmm, that's not nearly enough. Here, let me do it.

Piper

Wha--I think I know how to do it after all this time.

Paige

It's Billie and Christy. They're not demons.

Grams

Well, they might as well be after all you've told me, which means we can't take any chances. (pauses) I can't get over how big this book has gotten. I'm so proud of you girls.

Piper

Then why won't you let me stir?

Grams

Uh, Piper, why don't you get that?

Piper

Paige, why don't you get that?

Paige

Okay, I'll get that. (rolls eyes)

Paige

Hey! What are you doing here?

Henry

What am I doing here? I'm looking for my wife. She didn't come home last night. Are you okay?

Paige

Yes, I'm okay! Of course I'm okay! I mean, we weren't "okay" okay, but now we're okay and in the future I think we're gonna be... I think we're gonna be more than okay.

Henry

(stares blankly) Okay.

Grams

Don't tell me she marries a Whitelighter too.

Piper

Worse. A mortal.

Grams

Oh, good God. Didn't I teach you girls anything?

Piper

Hey, what can I say? There's always Uncle Coop!

What?

My lords. We come from the future to warn you about it. The Charmed Ones are going to get the Hollow at the same time Billie and Christy will.

Christy

Which means we've gotta get to it before they do this time.

Get out of here!

[screaming]

No!

Piper

Oh, yes. (blows up present and past Dumain.)

Christy

I don't understand! How could this happen?

Phoebe

Billie projected us here.

Paige

By focusing on you.

Piper

Paige.

Paige

Ring!

Christy

(glaring at Billie) How could you?

Billie

Christy, please. It's over. Just come home.

Piper

Well, we changed the past, fixed the future and saved the present. That's all.

Victor

What was that?