Kevin Ryan quotes from Castle

Ryan

Hey, so I heard from Air Traffic Control, but you’re not gonna like the news. They have no record of anyone flying over the park during the time our guy hit the ground.

Beckett

How is that even possible?

Castle

Santa had his sleigh in stealth mode

Gates

My mother-in-law is a licensed pilot, as she keeps reminding me. Part of a larger effort to make me feel inferior. I’m sorry. Did I just say that out loud?

Ryan

Sounds like she’s staying with you, Captain?

Gates

One day soon, your in-laws will visit, too. And when they do, think hotel. [walks away] Oh, Lord, I hate the holidays.

Castle

[sotto voce] Yet another quality she has in common with the Grinch

Esposito

…he didn’t go all Santa for the money. Back in the day, he used to pull down a half a mil a year. As Santa, he made a tenth of that.

Ryan

You can make that much as a Santa? Maybe I should switch jobs, huh?

Esposito

What? Gain 200 pounds and have a bunch of rug rats sitting on you lap with dirty diapers?

Ryan

[With a disgusted face] Yeah, thanks for the visual.

Beckett

Did she have a grievance with Michelle?

Ryan

Oh, I’d say so. The morning of Michelle’s murder, a judge came down with a ruling in Samantha’s contentious divorce case. She lost big.

Castle

How big is big?

Ryan

Uh, Upper East Side apartment big, cars and boats big, half of her multi-million dollar net worth big.

Castle

That’s big.

Castle

Is this a bad as it seems?

Esposito

No, it’s much worse. Much, much worse.

Castle

No, okay, hang on. Let’s take a step back from this, let’s just think about it. Just dinner.

Ryan

Just dinner between your ex-wife and your new girlfriend. That’s deadly. Castle, you have two worlds;

Esposito

Two.

Ryan

Right now, they’re both coming together.

Esposito

Uh, oh.

Ryan

What happens when worlds collide?

Esposito

Boom.

Castle

Okay, guys, you are taking this a little too far.

Esposito

Castle. Meredith knows things about you.

Castle

So?

Esposito

So…

Ryan

So…

Esposito

So is there anything Meredith knows that you don’t want Beckett to know?

Esposito

Boom.

Ryan

Two worlds colliding.

Esposito

Yo. How's the in-breast-igation going?

Ryan

And that's why you're still single.

Esposito

Paris? What the hell is he doing in Paris?

Beckett

He thinks he can find her.

Ryan

What, so he's Liam Neeson now?

Esposito

Liam Neeson? The dude's barely Ashley Judd.

Beckett

Okay, so both of our victims stayed at that inn at the same time. So, maybe they were having an affair.

Ryan

Well, in 2008, Val would’ve been 24. Jason would’ve been 66. An affair would’ve been-

Castle

Gross.

Ryan

I was gonna say unlikely.

Ryan

My name is not Fenton. It's Kevin Ryan. And I'm a cop.

What?... Cop?

Ryan

Yeah. And I'm placing the three of you under arrest.

Well, that'll be a hell of a trick considering Liam's about to shoot you and your girlfriend.

Ryan

Wait a second, Liam, before you do that, let me ask you a question. Where's your cell phone, huh?

What?

Ryan

Remember when we tussled back in the hall? Yeah, I picked your pocket. And then when you weren't looking, I dialed my partner and left the line open.

No way.

Ryan

He heard exactly where we were going.

Liam?

He's full of crap, Bobby. He's bluffing.

Ryan

Oh, am I? Why don't we meet my partner, huh?

Ryan

Yo, Javi, where you at?

Esposito

Right here, bro.

Ryan

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, he is former Special Forces. You do not wanna draw on him. Wanna meet the rest of my crew?

Ryan

Hey, Beckett!

Beckett

[approaching from behind Bobby] You called, Ryan?

Ryan

Don't let the looks fool you, boys, you don't want to mess with her either.

Ryan

Castle!

Castle

[stepping out from his hiding place behind Beckett] Seriously? I didn't... I didn't bring my vest.

Ryan

[to Bobby and Liam, as squad cars approach] Drop your weapons! Now.

Fenton?

Ryan

Siobhan?

Fenton!

Jenny

Hey! What the hell are you doing? That's my husband!

You're married? [slaps Ryan]

Castle

Whoa, lady, you can't slap a cop.

You're a cop? [slaps him the other way; patrol cops carry her away]

Castle

Oh!

Ugh! You liar! You son of a bitch! How could you? Get off of me! Let go!

Ryan

[awkward pause] I can explain.

Ryan

Maggie. You know, I pegged you for a lot of things. Never a killer.

Yeah, I pegged you for a lot of things, but never a narc.

Ryan

Actually, see, I’m a homicide detective. Which is why I know that you killed Jimmy the baker.

Jimmy the who?

Beckett

Oh, God. Are we actually gonna play this game? It’s late, I’m tired. Officers went through your house and they found your gun.

Ryan

Sorry, Jenny. I know it wasn’t fair to you.

Jenny

Just tell me the truth. Is this part of your life, this undercover part, over?

Ryan

Yeah, it is now.

Jenny

Good, because I need to know that you’re gonna be here. And I need to know that I can depend on you. Especially after the test result we got back from the fertility doctor.

Ryan

Oh, no. Bad news?

Jenny

Yeah. We took all those damn tests for nothing. [Ryan begins to look crestfallen] I’m already pregnant.

Ryan

You’re pregnant. [laughs] You’re pregnant! Uh… Let’s pop some champagne.

Jenny

Yeah.

Ryan

No, no, we can’t pop any champagne.

Jenny

No, we can’t.

Ryan

Do you know why?

Jenny

[simultaneously] I’m pregnant!

Ryan

[simultaneously] Because you’re pregnant!

Ryan

Castle, how's the knee?

Castle

It's not the knee so much as the *boredom*.

Esposito

I thought you writers liked being alone.

Castle

Yeah, if I could write. But the painkillers make me a little loopy. Last night, I used the word 'speculate' three times in the same sentence.

Ryan

Hmm. You must be bored. You've actually gone "Rear Window".

Castle

Alexis got me those as a joke to cheer me up. I have not *yet* resorted to voyeurism.

Ryan

Then you are missing out.

Esposito

What? Let me see.

Ryan

No. Hey!

Esposito

Give me the binoculars!

Ryan

Dude, she was just about to take off her towel.

Esposito

[using binoculars] Oh, the towel's off.

Ryan

Yeah?

Beckett

[comes up behind them] Unless the body that you're looking at is dead, I suggest you drop those binoculars.

Beckett

Tommy "The Shark"'s alibi holds. He was with some associates at a nightclub that he owns.

Beckett

Look, if he killed Clara, he wouldn't have talked to me. No. Hiding the money, planning to disappear. Something else is going on here. So what've you got on the husband?

Ryan

Oh, not much. He's a manager at a big name supermarket in Queens. No priors. Been married seven years. Oh! And he took a million-dollar life insurance policy out on his wife only three months ago.

Esposito

Huh. That's not suspicious.

Esposito

I may have an explanation for those facial wounds. Turns out our victim worked at a retirement home called Haven House.

Castle

Vicious, bloodthirsty old folks? Is that your theory?

Esposito

This home is not for people, Castle. It’s a primate sanctuary, mostly for apes and chimpanzees and monkeys who have retired from the movie business.

Ryan

I always wanted a monkey when I was a kid. Big Curious George fan.

Castle

Yeah, wait till George grows up. An adult chimpanzee can reach 200 pounds, tear off a man’s face, hands and naughty bits.