[first lines]
KatSo, yeah. I'm throwing a Cat-A-Versary party because the café's been open a year. Can you believe it? It's a fundraiser for the humane society. There'll be cats in costumes and a photo booth and kettle corn.
Oh, kettle corn? You should've led with that. I'm in.
Kat
Great. So how's tall and grumpy doing?
Oh, he's a pure delight around me. But when I mentioned you earlier, he clenched his fists so hard, he broke the soda gun.
Kat
Well, I am undeterred. Hey, Max. I would love to see you at my Cat-A-Versary party. Carter's going to be there. My mom's coming. She's auditioning for the musical "Cats" at the community theater, so she's been spending a lot of time at the café to research cat behavior.
[Kat gives the coffee to Sheila.]
Kat
Here's your coffee, mother.
[Sheila drinks her coffee.]
Kat
Look, I get that you're still upset with me for reaching out to your ex-girlfriend while on sleeping medication not prescribed to me, but-- Oh, men's room? Still undeterred. Deterred. Definitely deterred.
[Oscar puts up a sign that reads: "Happy Cat-A-Versary!".]
Kat
Wow! That looks amazing.
Thanks. I've been doing squats.
Katherine, please help me get this feline off my lap.
Kat
Oh, Mr. Mousekers never falls asleep in someone's lap.
Well, he's been here quite a while, and now I have to use the ladies' room, and his weight is pressing on my bladder.
Kat
Please don't bring up his weight. He just got his confidence back up. Mr. Mousekers! Uh-oh.
Kat
Mommy?
Kat
I don't think Mr. Mousekers is sleeping.
Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the oven just crapped out. I mean, honestly, can you think of anything worse to happen before our Cat-A-Versary party?
Kat, he was old, but you gave him a great life. Every time he would lay on your laptop, you would just stop working so he could sleep there.
And then you bought him his own computer so he could lay right by you.
Which I'd like to call dibs on. Not the time.
Kat
I just have that same heavy feeling in my heart that I had when my dad died. And, disturbing coincidence, they both died on top of my mother.
Well, just remind yourself it's a cat and not a person.
Kat
Yeah, I know it's a cat and not a person. A cat that I loved very deeply. The first cat I rescued. The only cat who knew how to pee on a potty. And do you know who taught him to do that? No one. He learned just by observing human behavior. He was that smart.
Okay, I'm sorry. That came out wrong.
Kat
I'm gonna go upstairs for a little bit. Alone. Randi, I'm having Mr. Mousekers cremated. Can you pick up his ashes later today?
There's nothing I'd rather do. Well, there are some things, but once again, not the time.
Kat
And I'm gonna cancel the party. I don't even care if I don't get my deposit back on that ice cat sculpture.
I didn't want to burst her bubble, but I'm the one who taught that cat to pee on the toilet.
Kat
That's what's changed. I have a boyfriend. I have a boyfriend.
Okay. Okay. But, what's wrong with me, not wanting to lose you?
Kat
Max, I've been considering blowing up my entire relationship with a guy who makes me really, really, happy. You know what? I was gonna do that for a fantasy like: "I don't even believe you can fly!", but I know that Oscar has at least 2 kinds of mustard.
Kat
What happened?
He found out my middle name.
Kat
(gasps) That rat bastard!
I just don't need him knowing every little detail about my life.
Kat
Well, I like when people know every little detail about my life. I wish I could wear one of those medical bracelets, but, instead of allergies, it would have fun facts about Kat. I'd call them Kat Facts.
Why don't you go take a nap? You might be getting sick.
Kat
Oh, no. I'm not sick. I can't be sick. Dale Dixon comes in 2 days.
[Kat blows her nose with a tissue.]
Kat
You know, maybe I will take a nap, 'cause I have the chills. I'm feeling a little dizzy, but that doesn't mean I'm sick. I felt the same way when Beth died in little women.
Call Me Kat · 96 quotes
