It is not possible that all of this stuff is mine. It's a physical impossibility.
MMover
I'm pretty sure it's all yours.
A-ha! "Pretty sure." That's not absolutely sure.
MMover
I'm pretty absolutely sure. It's all on the manifest.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[sees all the stuff from the movers] What's going on here?
I'm being robbed in reverse.
What?
Things are being brought to me that I do not own or want.
You're grimacing. Why are you grimacing?
RRico
You know what's weird?
What?
RRico
I get hungover after nights I don't drink.
TTruly
That is weird.
RRico
I mean I got Jon Bonham banging around up there. I haven't had a drink since Thursday.
TTruly
Maybe it's a sugar thing. Did you eat too much sugar?
RRico
I don't eat sugar. Wait. I did drink last night.
Good grief.
RRico
And I had a candy bar.
TTruly
So it was a combo.
They just lopped my head off.
TTruly
Game of Thrones.
With no warning.
TTruly
Ned Starked her.
I'm rereading. I see nothing about a a head, a guillotine, an evil boy king with mommy issues. I'm behind here!
Oh, by the way, I think I figured out why Sylvia Plath killed herself. She was trying to hang a curtain rod. She was probably trying to hang herself on the curtain rod, so it was onto Plan B.
[talking about Godot] So what's your angle with this guy? What are your moves?
We don't really have any.
Oh, so you need me to help? Cool. Okay, first thing to know about guys like that is keep your sentences short. Don't mention Tolstoy or math, it will just make you sad. Oh, and it really helps if you have a car and an income, 'cause that guy's got nothin'.
Thanks.
And he never will. No money, no car, no thoughts of money or a car. Trust me, if there's a second set of shorts at home, you've hit the jackpot.
Got it.
Good. Oh, and he won't start showering till he's thirty. Or he's been skunked. Don't know why. It's a thing. Young pretty guys like that will do anything to get out of bathing. Johnny Depp moved to France.
Could you please just go?
[Boo is jumping on the trash] What are you doing?
Dumpster jumping.
For, like, a contest?
No. It's part of my job.
What job?
My job.
So you're like the trash-compactor girl or something?
Waitress.
Are there customers in there?
No, just trash.
Okay, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to grasp the whole concept here. Why are you doing that?
Well, Jeff said- [Godot makes a buzzer sound]
I'm sorry. Jeff made you do that? Douche.
No, no douche.
Douchebag. Out.
But-
Get out of the trash, senorita.
But Jeff's the senior manager.
There is no senior manager or junior manager or manager. The parents aren't really into labels. Out. Relax, I'll handle Jeff- Tell him Harvard burned down and watch him cry.
He'd cry really hard.
Maybe she's testing to see how dedicated you are to ballet.
What?
How bad you want it.
What are you talking about?
Well, the door is locked and the only way to get more ballet is to find another way in. Are you willing to dig a tunnel under the studio with nothing but a plastic spoon, and then cut a giant hole in the floor with the chain saw you dragged along, and then once inside, repair the floor with nothing more than a glue gun, some bobby pins and your wits? [the girls just stare at her] Well, I see she has her answer.
Please don't wait with us anymore.
What book are you talking about?
SSam
"Fifty Shades of Grey."
Great. Sorry to interrupt the end of literature as we know it, but has anyone seen Fanny?
[taking a tour of Paradise] What's that?
That is the surf wax store.
What do they sell?
Surf wax.
And...?
Surf wax.
And?
Surf wax.
And?
[gives her a look] Surf wax. I can keep this up as long as you can.
Weird!
What's weird is it used to be a flip-flop store, where they sold flip-flops.
And?
Really?
[when Talia wants to go into Sparkles] Whoa Tex, we can't go in there!
Why not?!
Uh, you know how in a fairytale there's a bridge that leads to a castle with a beautiful princess that's locked in a tower, but there's a crazy little troll that lives under the bridge and in order to rescue the princess you have to deal with the troll?
Yeah?
Well, welcome to Sparkles where the motto is "If you're a princess, you're screwed".
Please tell me this is my last class of the day.
Nope. You still have-
Roomba! I just remembered.
It's 'Zumba.' Tomorrow's a big day too. You have Jazzercise at 9:00...
Ugh, skinny people.
You teach the Weitzman couple their wedding dance at 10:00...
Ugh, happy people.
Then it's a sold-out swing class.
Ugh, people.
Fanny extended her trip. She's not coming back 'til next week.
What? Why didn't she tell me?!
She posted it on Facebook.
That doesn't count as telling me. Why do people think they can just share news on Facebook and automatically everyone will know?
Because everyone's on Facebook.
NNanette
[seeing the stripper pole in the ballet studio] Are you teaching my daughter to strip?! No judgement. I always tell her she should have something to fall back on. I figured typing, but this could be good too.
We're adding some new classes. Cardio-striptease will now be offered Fridays at 10:00. Right between "I wish I was still in bed" and "where did I go wrong". [Nanette laughs]
[the girls are drying the wet carpet with blow-driers] How long have we been doing this?
Three hours.
Last semester we read "No Exit." I didn't get it, but I do now.
How do we know when we're done?!
When the carpet's dry and doesn't smell like mildew.
What does mildew smell like?
It smells like it sounds.
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