Fanny Flowers quotes from Bunheads

Fanny

Well, I have to tell you I haven't driven to a place this charming since the city gave us curbside recycling bins!

Fanny

You wired a cardboard box for electricity.

Fanny

What was it in my house you wanted to get rid of?

Michelle

Your house? Her house?

Our house actually.

Michelle

Our house, like our house?

Fanny

No, our house like our house.

Michelle

But- wait. You live with your mother like a serial killer?

Fanny

[On phone] I don't understand. No, literally I don't understand. Could you put the interpreter back on? Oh, thank God, yes. As I was trying to tell the Lama while I'm very grateful he agreed to pray for Hubbell, I was actually hoping he would do it here. At the memorial on Monday. Or Tuesday. We're flexible about the day. Could you ask him again? Because I already have a monk in Ireland who said he'd pray from there. But I was really looking for someone to represent, as the kids say. What if I throw in a trip to Disneyland? Does he have a friend who's not busy chanting for the Japanese people? All right.

Fanny

[To Michelle] What is it about these monks? How hard is it to get on a plane? Well, at least he said he'd pray for him.

Michelle

That's nice.

Fanny

He can say anything he wants. He's on another continent. How do I know he's really doing it? - Well, he is a monk.

Michelle

So? So he's a monk. Their to-do list basically consists of "pray" and you know, "pray."

Fanny

I take my spirituality very seriously. If I don't see it with my own eyes, I don't believe it.

Fanny

[sees all the stuff from the movers] What's going on here?

Michelle

I'm being robbed in reverse.

Fanny

What?

Michelle

Things are being brought to me that I do not own or want.

Fanny

You're grimacing. Why are you grimacing?

You know what's weird?

Fanny

What?

I get hungover after nights I don't drink.

That is weird.

I mean I got Jon Bonham banging around up there. I haven't had a drink since Thursday.

Maybe it's a sugar thing. Did you eat too much sugar?

I don't eat sugar. Wait. I did drink last night.

Fanny

Good grief.

And I had a candy bar.

So it was a combo.

Fanny

They just lopped my head off.

Game of Thrones.

Fanny

With no warning.

Ned Starked her.

Michelle

I'm rereading. I see nothing about a a head, a guillotine, an evil boy king with mommy issues. I'm behind here!

Fanny

[handing Michelle her phone] Here, you're driving me crazy. Use it to call your phone.

Michelle

It's on vibrate. We won't hear it.

Fanny

Oh please, vibrate still makes that annoying buzzing sound everyone hears even though we're all supposed to pretend it's silent.

Michelle

You need to keep an open mind.

Fanny

I always have an open mind.

Michelle

Right. But you need to keep an open mind like other people keep an open mind. With a mind that's actually, you know, open.

Fanny

Michelle, how many times have I told you my production of "The Nutcracker" is the highlight of my year?

Michelle

842.

Fanny

And how many times have I told you that these two weeks of shows make up the bulk of my money for the year?

Michelle

12,064.

Michelle

[after Fanny talks about her plans for Montana with Michael] So romantic. I'd be happy to take over while you hang in the mountains with your boyfriend.

Fanny

Thank you.

Michelle

Which one of you is going to be Heath Ledger?

Fanny

You always end the conversation one sentence too late.

Michelle

It's my zombie apocalypse vegas slut bag. I take it with me to every performance with me always. It has everything you would need in any sort of situation- Money, power bars, water, flaxseed oil, bobby pins, hair spray, ponytail holders, boob tape so your- on your boobs, don't look so hello.

Fanny

I know what boob tape does.

Michelle

...Condoms, handcuffs, handcuff keys.

Fanny

You're like an X-rated Mary Poppins.

Michelle

Then of course band-Aids, ace bandage, rape whistle, disposable cellphone, lipstick case you can hide some cyanide in, pretty mace...

Fanny

Pretty mace?

Michelle

Yep, mace that comes in a pretty little shiny bottle that if I pulled it out would say to the zombie apocalypse mugger, "don't be afraid of my pretty shiny bottle. It won't do anything but blind you!"

Fanny

Good lord.

Michelle

Oh and here, eyelash glue. And junior mints. 'Cause seriously, why not?

Michelle

I found it: the perfect place for the amphitheater. Okay, so this morning, a squirrel stole my toothbrush. Actually, I chucked it at him to get him off my windowsill 'cause he was staring at me, and then he took it. So I chased after him and I cornered him against this tree. And it was by the lake that's only sometimes a lake, but then it dries up. But right now it's a lake again. You know?

Fanny

You can't just buy another toothbrush? What? Squirrels have rabies. A toothbrush costs $3.

Michelle

It was pink.

Fanny

Oh, well, if it was pink