[Edvard Grieg in "Morning Mood"]
[first lines] Take it all in, kids. This is nature in all it's majesty. Welcome to Brickleberry.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[Recording of a Flamey the Bear (Parody of Smokey the Bear) commercial]
Only you can prevent forest...
[runs into Flamey] FIRE!!!
[Flamey screams]
[He's using the shovel to beating Flamey out the fire] Hold still! I'll beat the flames out. [He continues using shovel to beating Flamey to lying on the ground, bloody, broken, and nearly dead]
[Screen shows reviewer of the commercial watching the incident]
RReviewer
I like it!
Good morning, Malloy. How are you?
Your head is enormous.
Hey. Don't forget I'm the one who rescued you after some crazy tourist ran over both your parents.
[Cutaway gag to Steve reading a book on safe driving, while driving]
The key to being a safe driver...[He runs over and injures Malloy's parents] Oh my God! Wait! You're both still alive! I'll go call for help! [He tries to call for help but he trips over his gun and accidentally shoots them both dead] Shit.
Malloy, you should be out there greeting all those tourists, because you're the cutest thing on the planet.
Malloy. We don't want him talking to anyone. He's a dick.
Even your whispers sound fat.
How could you say that?! Malloy does so many thoughtful things for us.
Yeah, like what?
Like for starters he made that delicious breakfast you enjoyed this morning.
[Cutaway gag to Malloy shaking a salt shaker full of AIDs into a pot]
And don't forget, he planned that surprise party for Denzel.
[Cutaway gag to Denzel walking into a room with the KKK in it]
KKKK
Surprise!
[Back to scene]
Bottom line, if we don't get this park in shape they're gonna shut down Brickleberry. So, I've decided to hire someone to help get this park on a track.
A new Ranger?
Old lady, old lady, old lady.
Yes, a new ranger she was ranger of the month at Yellowstone.
Ranger of the Month?
[Ethel appears, Connie's vagina growling]
Sorry, that's my vagina growling.
... Well, uh, okay. Uh, I-I'm really excited to...
[Connie's vagina growls]
I'm really...
[Connie's vagina growls]
...excited...
[Connie's vagina growls]
Excited to work...
You! You're no den mother. You were here to take my ranger of the month title all along!
[He walking away backwards, flipping Ethel off] Ooooooh! [trips and falls over a chair...gets back up and continues walking backwards, flipping Ethel off] Ooooooh! [offscreen; walking backwards almost crushing to the trash cans]
I'm so glad everything turned out okay.
No, everything turned out fine. Except for the part where I was raped.
Well, Ethel, looks like you get your job back.
Who gives a shit?! I got raped.
Uh-huh. Steve, I guess you deserve to keep this for a while. [gives Steve the ranger of the month pin]
You know what? I think it's time for a change. [He makes it look like he's gonna give the badge to Ethel but he just puts it on the other side of his shirt] Wow, looks even better on this side. It's like a whole different shirt now.
You're an asshole, you know that?
[laughing wickedly] She thinks I'm an asshole now. She doesn't even know that I spiked her coffee. Good think I'll never tell a soul. It...Wait a minute. Am I thinking this or saying this?!
You spiked my coffee!?
Oops.
Only you can prevent big vats of acid. [he gets knocked into a vat of acid by Steve, burns, and screams as he disintegrates]
[Camera shows the reviewer watching the commercial again]
RReviewer
I fucking love it!
Trust me, I don't need a gun to get respect. [lays his gun down on the table]
Steve?
[gunshots, animals stampeding]
[slurring] Damn it! Come back here, chipyunk! Fight like a man!
Hey, Steve! Stop it!
Why? There is no god. What's the difference?
The difference is you're not dying. [sighs] The doctor called last week and told me. I just didn't tell you because I...I really...I really like the new Steve.
Bullshit! You're just lying to me so I don't blow Bambi's brains out. [gun cocks]
Wait, Steve! Okay! Okay! Okay. Su--Suppose you are dying. Is this really how you want to spend your last few days?
You know what? You're right. I'm wasting precious time.
Thank you.
There's way more messed up shit I've always wanted to do!
[walks up to Woody] What's up ya fat old mother--- [Woody grabs the gun] handsome strong [hand off gun] stupid ignorant-ass [hand on gun] all-around nice guy?
MMyrtle
Mother? I need to speak to you about Denzel. You can't tell me who to date.
EEdith
Myrtle! I thought you had a dialysis appointment.
MMyrtle
How could you, mother? You're going down, bitch!
EEdith
I just did, on the colored kid. And it was heavenly.
[Myrtle and Edith are begin to fight]
Grow! Grow, damn you, grow! Or do you want this to happen to you? They don't even respond to threats.
We dead. I knew it.
Wait a minute. I remember something.
His testicles are producing large amounts of testosterone. He'll be full grown practically overnight. Overnight. Overnight.
That's it!
[At night, Steve uses Malloy's balls to squirting some testosterone liquid into the field]
Steve, have you lost your goddamn mind? This is your plan? bear ball juice?
It's testosterone. Didn't you see my thought bubble?
Man, I'm getting outta here. White people do some fucked up shit.
NANative American Weather Reporter
Look like sun.
[Another Indian runs by making noises and then it rains]
NANative American Weather Reporter
Make that rain.
[mocking] Yellowstone! Yellowstone! Hmmph! They've got a cute animal. They didn't have 25 campers die in their park this month. BLAH BLAH BLAH!
We shouldn't worry about Yellowstone. We could just make some improvements.
Here's one. [puts a bag over Connie's head]
I hate animals.
To be fair, most animals hate black people...............and Mexicans.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Brickleberry pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.