Jesse Pinkman quotes from Breaking Bad

Hank

So who's your chief, little Injun?

Jesse

What? What does that even mean?

Hank

It means I think your story's bullshit. I think you know who Tuco Salamanca was. I think your car was there because you were there. Tuco had a bullet in him when I got there and I think you know something about that, too.

Jesse

So what're you saying? Like, I shot someone with, like, a gun?

Hank

You? No. Only shooting that you do is into a Kleenex.

Hank

Gomie, you want to do the honors?

[in Spanish] Good afternoon, Mr. Salamanca. Do you understand English?

Hank

What does that mean?

That means, "yes". "Yes" is a bell, "no" is no bell.

Jesse

Oh, c'mon! This is bullshit! I mean, look at this dude, alright? He doesn't even know what planet he's living on!

Señor, are we on the planet Mars? [pause; no bell] Are we on the planet Saturn? [pause; still no bell] Are we on the planet Earth? [Hector rings the bell] Señor, is today Friday? [pause; no bell] Is today Monday? [pause; still no bell] Is today Tuesday? [Hector rings the bell]

Hank

Okay, seems like he's all there. Let's go for it.

Señor, was this man at your house yesterday? [long pause; Hector does nothing] Señor, was this man at your house yesterday?

Hank

This guy right here, he was at your house, right? Was he doing business with your nephew Tuco?

Señor, are you scared of this man?

Hank

Nah, he's not scared. C'mon granddad, why don't you wanna help us out?

Oh, man!

Hank

I guess that's a "no"....

Walter

Pay phone?

Jesse

Pay phone, middle of nowhere, nobody followed. So how'd it go?

Walter

Okay. You?

Jesse

They sweated me plenty, but they finally cut me loose. So you getting out of there?

Jesse

Yeah, that's the thing, y'know? Your scumbag brother-in-law took my rainy day fund.

Walter

Your what? What is that?

Jesse

My rainy day fund, $68,000, okay? Cue ball son of a bitch laughed in my face. Now I got, like, eighty bucks to my name.

Walter

Wait, wait, what does he know? Does he know it's your money?

Jesse

No, man, he doesn't know shit, okay? The plan worked. He bought it. I got bills due, man. I'm screwed.

Walter

Did he mention my name?

Jesse

No, thanks for caring.

Walter

How about the basement?

Jesse

It's clean.

Walter

And the RV?

Jesse

Badger's cousin took it to his garage. It's safe.

Walter

Can he get it running again?

Jesse

Why?

Walter

So we can cook.

Jesse

You still wanna cook? Seriously?

Walter

What's changed, Jesse?

Jesse

Hey, hey! What the hell, yo?! I thought this was just a wake-up call!

We are putting it in storage. When you decide to grow up, you can have it back.

Jesse

No, why don't you grow up, mom? Ginny wanted me here! Alright, I was the one who took care of her. Alright, I took her to her appointments and made her lunch everyday. I earned this!

You did not make her lunch everyday.

Jesse

What'd you do, huh? She's lying there dying, and where the hell are you?

Don't start with me.

Jesse

And now what? You decided to, oh I don't know, make your eldest son homeless?! Wow, great family, mom!

Why are you like this?! Why?! [pause] You have two sets of keys and the padlock to the garage. Leave them on the kitchen counter when you leave.

Jesse

No, mom, mom, mom! Hey, where am I supposed to go?

I don't know, sweetheart. But please, turn your life around.

Jesse

Yeah, yeah, this is gonna help big time with that! BITCH!

Walter

White residence.

Jesse

Yo, it's me. Is this a good time?

Walter

...What part of "no contact" didn't you understand?!

Jesse

I know, but there's a problem.

Walter

I don't care. We agreed [Skyler walks by] ...no amount of pay-per-view channels is going to make a difference! Honey, we're happy with our cable provider, right? Yep, we're happy! [Walter quickly hangs up]

Walter

What?!

Jesse

Yo, I get that I shouldn't call, but I'm in a situation over here and I need my money.

Walter

I just gave you $600!

Jesse

Yeah, and thanks, Daddy Warbucks, but that was before my housing situation went completely testicular on me, okay?!

Walter

You smoked the entire 600, didn't you?

Jesse

What? No!

Walter

Yes!

Jesse

No!

Walter

Look, Jesse. Your problems are just that: Your problems. No contact! Do not call here ever! When the moment is right, I will call—

Jesse

Mr. White, you're not listening—

Walter

No, no, no! [hangs up]

Jesse

They're kicking me out of my house!

Walter

What the f...?

Jesse

Yo, I'm really sorry, okay?

Walter

What is wrong with you? Why are you blue? Aw, Jesus...

Jesse

Long story. Let's just say it starts with my parents being greedy kleptomaniac douchebags.

Walter

Are you actually this stupid...

Jesse

No, look, I know this isn't an optimal situation.

Walter

...to come to my house, and park on my street, driving this vehicle?! I mean, what the hell is wrong with you?! I'm really asking!

Jesse

Nothing. I'm sorry, I just—

Walter

What if Skyler had seen you, huh? What then? What was the plan then, genius? Hm?

Jesse

I don't know.

Walter

You don't know. You know why you don't know? Because you don't think! That's why! You don't think! You never figured out how to think, did you, big man?!

Jesse

Hey, I said I was sorry, alright? I just need my half of the money and I'll go!

Walter

Your half? There is no your half of the money! There is only my all of it, do you understand?! Why–Why should I be penalized because of your sloppiness?! [pushes Jesse]

Jesse

Look, that is completely uncool, alright? We agreed 50/50, partners!

Walter

Partners in what? What exactly do you do here, I've been meaning to ask. Because I'm the producer, right? I cook. But from what I can tell, you are just a drug addict! You are a pathetic junkie too stupid to understand and follow simple rudimentary instructions! Too stupid to—

Walter

...Do it.

Jesse

I got profile now, yo. Don't you get that? DEA's up my ass. [takes a sip of his beer] No, I'm not exposing myself to that level of risk for chump change. No way.

Walter

[in a calm tone] Then what do you suggest we do? I don't think either of us are eager to jump into bed with another Tuco.

Jesse

Tuco? No, man... No more Tuco. I got bills, man.

Walter

[squints eyes at Jesse] You've got bills?

Jesse

Rent, yo. Responsibilities and whatnot. I've already lost more than I've made and I am tired of dicking around out here. [takes another sip of his beer]

Walter

You wanna know how much I've got left? After completing my first round of treatment and financing the world's most expensive alibi? Zero. Zip. Nothing.

Jesse

We got to be Tuco. Alright, cut out the middle man, run our own game.

Walter

So you're going to what? Snort meth off a bowie knife? You're gonna beat your homies to death when they "diss" you?

Jesse

Look, I know some guys, alright? I can create a network. Look, we control production and distribution. That way we stay off the front lines while moving some serious glass. I mean, the point here is to make money, right? Sky high stacks!

Walter

No.

Jesse

No? That's not the point?

Walter

No, I am not willing to do that!

Jesse

Who said anything about you?

Walter

I don't vote for this plan. I'm not comfortable bringing in unknown entities into our operation.

Jesse

Yeah? Well, you don't get to vote.

Walter

I beg your pardon? This is a partnership, remember?

Jesse

I remember, oh, I remember. That you cook, I sell. That was the division of labor when we started all this. And that's exactly how we should have kept it! 'Cause I sure as hell didn't find myself locked in a trunk or on my knees with a GUN to my head before your greedy old ass came along, alright?

Walter

Alright, I will admit to a bit of a learning curve.

Jesse

Oh-ho!

Walter

And perhaps I was overly ambitious. In any case, it's not gonna happen that way anymore.

Jesse

Yeah, damn straight. Know why? 'Cause we do things my way this time or I walk! You need me more than I need you... Walt.

Jesse

[hands Walter a paper bag] Your half. 15K, that's what I'm talking about. [Walter scowls at Jesse] Uh, you're welcome? Jesus!

Walter

Help me understand the math, okay? I gave you one pound, correct? You and I split $2,000 per ounce, $1,000 each. One pound - that's sixteen ounces. Sixteen ounces should net to me $16,000. Sixteen, not fifteen.

Jesse

[quietly] Something came up.

Walter

"Something came up?"

Jesse

One of my guys got held up by a couple junkies... lost an ounce. But it's cool, okay? Skinny Pete's cool.

Walter

Oh-ho! So you're saying that your guy got robbed–or rather, you got robbed–but, it doesn't matter. Hm?

Jesse

Dude, it's called breakage, okay? Like Kmart, shit breaks.

Walter

And you're thinking this is acceptable?

Jesse

It's the cost of business, yo! You're sweating me over a grand?

Walter

Hey, look, I'm just the chemist here! I'm not the street guy, yo... but it seems to me that what you call breakage is just you making a fool of yourself. I've got another technical term for you: Non-sustainable business model.

Jesse

You're focusing on the negative. Six grand a day, we're making. What's your problem?

Walter

What happens when word gets out, and it's open season on these clowns you've hired, hm? Once everyone knows, that Jesse Pinkman, drug lord, can be robbed with impunity?

Jesse

Man, come on—

Walter

You think Tuco had breakage? I guess it's true, he did... he broke bones. He broke the skull of anybody who tried to rip him off.

Jesse

You want another grand? Is that it?

Walter

That's not my point.

Jesse

Take it! Here!

Jesse

Look, you got fifteen thousand you didn't have yesterday! Hey, we're making bank! Shit happens! My guys get what they're up against, and they're careful. So am I, and you're all tucked in at night with your precious family. So why don't you just stop being such a freak about everything?

Jesse

You got something for me?

Skinny Pete

Yeah, I found 'em.

Jesse

Is this a five or an S?

Skinny Pete

Five, yo. No wait...S. No, no... Yeah, five.

Jesse

Yeah? Jesus, how the hell do you spell "street" wrong? S-T-R-E-A-T?

Skinny Pete

Hey, man, I'm slingin' mad volume and fat stackin' benjis, you know what I'm sayin'? I can't be all about, like, spelling and shit.

Jesse

Okay. So they got names?

Skinny Pete

Hers is like... I dunno, she's just his woman is all. Him, they call Spooge.

Jesse

Spooge? Not Mad Dog? Not Diesel? So lemme get this straight, you got jacked by a guy named Spooge?

Skinny Pete

Yo, what's his name matter? All's I saw was that knife he stuck in my face, like, that big! But if you're looking for a reason not to go do this thing—

Jesse

Did I say that?

Skinny Pete

'Cause I'd go do it myself, right? It's just I'm on probation and all. So, you gonna do it? [Jesse nods] Good. Right on. 'Cause these two, they need to get got.

I told ya, Diesel, we ain't holding, man.

We shot it all.

Jesse

Yeah? You shot an ounce? In a day and a half?

Yeah.

Jesse

Alright, tell you what. Both of you pull it out your butts right now, or I go grab a flashlight and some pliers and go exploring.

Jesse

What are you talking about?

Walter

Apparently, it's all over town. Somebody crossed you, you got angry you crushed their skull with an ATM machine.

Jesse

That's not how it happened.

Walter

Who cares as long as it's our competitors who believe it and not the police? Oh, my... No, don't you see how great this is? Look, you–You are a—Jesse, look at me, you are a blow fish.

Jesse

What?

Walter

A blow fish, think about it. Small in stature, not swift, not cunning, easy prey for predators. But the blow fish has a secret weapon, doesn't he? Doesn't he? What does the blow fish do, Jesse? What does the blow fish do?

Jesse

I don't even know what...

Walter

The blow fish puffs up, okay? The blow fish puffs himself up four, five times larger than normal, but why? Why does he do that? Because it makes him intimidating, that's why. Intimidating so that the other scarier fish are scared off and that's you. You are a blow fish. Don't you see? It's just all–all an illusion. It's nothing but air. Now, who messes with the blow fish, Jesse?

Jesse

Nobody.

Walter

You're damn right.

Jesse

The game has changed, yo. This is our city, alright? All of it. The whole damn place. Our territory. We're staking our claim. Yo, we sell when we want, where we want. We're gonna be kings, understand? Well, I'm gonna be king and you guys will be, like, princes or dukes or something.

Badger

I wanna be a knight.

Jesse

But first things first: We gotta get more dealers, y'know, foot soldiers, alright? Now they'll be working for you, you're working for me, and I'm working for you. You follow me? Layered, like nachos. Exponential growth. That's success, with a capital S.

Skinny Pete

Straight up, straight up.

Fo' shizzle.

Badger

Friggin' awesome.

Jesse

Well, we're set. Boys are ready. Gonna make some mad cheddar, yo. [pause; Walter looks at Jesse] Cheddar, Mr. White. Fat stacks. Dead Presidents. Cash money. We're gonna own this city.

Walter

We're not charging enough.

Jesse

What?

Walter

Corner the market, then raise the price. Simple economics.

Jesse

Sooner or later, this was gonna happen. If you want your "exponential growth", guys are gonna get busted. Simple as that.

Walter

So, how about we get him a real attorney? I mean, what the hell is this? This is who he hires?

Jesse

What? You kidding me? This is the guy you want. This is the guy I'd hire.

Walter

[sarcastically] Ooh, this is the guy you'd hire.

Jesse

Look, you remember Emilio? 'Kay, this dude got Emilio off, like, twice. 'Kay, both times they had him dead to rights, yo, and then "poof." Dude's like Houdini. Seriously, when the going gets tough, you don't want a criminal lawyer, alright? You want a criminal lawyer. You know what I'm saying?

Walter

[to Jesse on the payphone] Clear your social calendar. We have to cook.

Jesse

What? Today?

Walter

No, you'll need today at least to gather supplies. Now, we're going to need all new glassware, heating mantles, about a hundred pounds of ice. Y-you have a paper and pencil? You should be writing this down.

Jesse

Yo, you wanna go shopping, go do it yourself, alright? I got plans.

Walter

Smoking marijuana, eating Cheetos, and masturbating do not constitute plans in my book.

Jesse

Well, screw you and your book, man, alright? I'm going to a museum in Santa Fe, not like you need to know.

Walter

You're going to a museum, huh?

Jesse

Yeah. Georgia O'Keeffe.

Walter

Georgia O'Keeffe?

Jesse

She's a painter, duh. She does these vagina pictures. Or paintings, or just painted. I don't know.