I'm not about to go to Texas and not ride the mechanical bull, Chelina. That would be like going to Los Angeles and not sleeping with Paris Hilton.
S1 E17Death Be Not Proud
I promise you. By the time I finish tomorrow, those judges - every last one of them - will rise up and say "Never mind executing Ezekiel Borns. Let's kill Alan Shore instead."
Hey! Pretty boy. How'd you like to go to Texas?
I'd love to. I haven't had my shots.
He is ultimately a benign man who we all happen to care about, including you. I think what you really mean to do is voice your concern unofficially.
I'm making an official complaint. If there's forms to be filled out please have them sent to my office. [walks away]
You little bitch.
S2 E1The Black Widow
[talking about Bernard] He seems to take particular delight in all of this. Does he not, Catherine?
We all do. It's fun to see pretty people fall.
Your little boyfriend is twisted. Trust me when I tell you, he's not finished killing.
(In Judge Cooper's Chambers)
JHJudge Harvey Cooper
Mr. Shore, This, this woman is trying to manipulate this process. I will not be manipulated.
(Whispered To Alan) Mad Cow!
JCJudge Cooper
Silence! (To Alan) She likely fired her last attorney because she told him she did it, and he couldn't have put her on the stand to lie, so she was forced to retain new counsel, thereby keeping them in the dark. And now we have you, (to Denny) and you.
Well, if this woman wishes to manipulate me in the dark, then...
Denny...
Judge Cooper (To Denny) Silence!
(Whispered To Alan) The eye!
Judge Cooper (Whispered) Quiet!
You know, I hate to break up the tea party but...
MMalcolm
Careful, we're still a bit thin-skinned on that one. Such a waste of proper tea.
I can see you're aroused. You might consider the last man to make love to her died while doing so.
[Denny looks over Kelly Nolan's body.]
I'll take my chances.
Certainly you'd want me by your side at this trial.
KNKelly Nolan
I'm sure you're very sweet, but old men tend to die on me.
I'm Denny Crane. No bigger ass--asset! You want me at your table.
My God, you're even more striking in person.
KKelly
Who is this man? And why is his face about to explode?
Kelly Nolan, this is Denny Crane. Success has caused his head to swell.
Not everything is about money, Shirley. Sometimes sex counts, too. It used to count with you. One minute you couldn't get enough of me, the next you lose interest. What happened, Shirley? I need to know.
They invented color television.
You and me. In my office. Gimme 2 minutes.
If you could last 3 I might consider it.
KKelly
[to Denny] How 'bout you go back to your office? I'll have a pair of my pants delivered. You can try and get in them on your own time.
JPJudge Peter Harding
And how are we supposed to understand what she's saying?
MMalcolm
Well, we have her affidavit. Plus as it happens, I speak cello.
S2 E2Schadenfreude
[Denny and Alan are out on the balcony mid episode]
Is the show over already? You look beaten.
I just caught Tara laughing with another man.
Are you sure they weren't just...kissing or something?
[to Bernie] What are ya going to do? Whack me on the head?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Boston Legal pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.