“...There's Fire!” quotes from Boston Legal

Shirley

Denny. You cheated on your wife at your own wedding reception in what has become some sort of cloakroom fetish-that is a new low, even for you.

Denny Crane

Yeah. It is, isn't it?

Alan Shore

Mr Lumis, how do you feel about fat people? Because according to the Surgeon General three hundred thousand Americans die every year from obesity-related illnesses.

Other businesses are firing people for that. I haven't done it yet.

Alan Shore

So you're thinking about it?

I'm always thinking.

Alan Shore

Anyone can see that. How about alcohol consumption? People who have more than fifteen drinks a week are at risk of becoming alcoholics and alcoholism can cause cirrhosis of the liver, pancreatitis, increased incidents of cancer. Wouldn't it be a good idea to monitor your employee's alcohol intake?

Maybe I should.

Alan Shore

What about coffee? Caffeine temporarily raises your blood pressure. Trans-fatty acids! And stress! Both of these things could cause heart attacks. That would certainly raise your premiums sky high. It's been proven arguing thirty minutes a day lowers your immune system. As does loneliness, there go your married employees and your single ones! You're going to have to watch these people all the time, Mr Lumis. I hope you're multitasked.

Mr Shore, I think you're exaggerating.

Alan Shore

No. I'm just welcoming us all to 1984-the bus arrived a little late, and our tour guide George Orwell is good and dead. But nonetheless, we made it. And big brother Lumis is watching us.