Tom quotes from BoJack Horseman

[live on MSNBSea] Our guest via satellite is Neal McBeal, a naval officer on leave from Afghanistan. Welcome to the program, Neal.

Thank you, Tom.

BoJack

Hey! I met this guy!

Tom

All Neal wanted when he got home, and I emphasize—from Afghanistan—was his favorite brand of breakfast muffins. But when he went to the supermarket and called dibs on the last box... Well, tell us what happened, Neal.

Neal

BoJack Horseman, from the '90s sitcom Horsin' Around, refused to respect my dibs.

Tom

Have you no shame, BoJack Horseman?! Seen here sneezing at a Christmas party?

BoJack

Oh, not the sneezing pic— Why do they always use the sneezing picture?!

Tom

In the '90s, we laughed at your antics. Oh, how we laughed. "Ha ha ha," we chortled in rapturous glee. But when you deny the dibs called by our men and women on the frontlines, that is a sick joke, sir. A sick, sick joke indeed. And you'll forgive me if I chortle no longer—for, to me, there is nothing the least bit funny about stealing a meal from Neal McBeal, the Navy SEAL. [blows out water]

Todd

Wait, wait, you stole muffins from a Navy SEAL?

BoJack

I didn't know he was a Navy SEAL! I just thought he was a regular kind of seal.

Neal

This is classic Hollywood elitism. BoJack Horseman thinks that because he was on TV, that makes him better than everybody. Well, guess what, BoJack! Now I'm on TV! So now I'm better than everybody!

Tom

That's right, Neal!

BoJack

You didn't even have dibs! You stupid sea cow!

Tom

Hold on. Just to clarify: since this morning, you've eaten all the muffins?

BoJack

Yes, I ate all the muffins, because I have no self-control and I hate myself.

Neal

I spent a year in Afghanistan making America safer, and this is the thanks I get?

BoJack

Really? You, specifically, made America safer?

Tom

Well, BoJack, surely, even you would agree that the troops are heroes.

BoJack

I don't agree to that. Maybe some of the troops are heroes, but not automatically. I'm sure a lot of the troops are jerks. Most people are jerks already, and it's not like giving a jerk a gun and telling him it's okay to kill people suddenly turns that jerk into a hero.

Tom

What? Did you just say that the troops are jerks?

BoJack

...Oh, you took that the bad way, didn't you?