[referring to the game music on Burgerboss] That's the song I wanna lose it to. Mm-mm-mm.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
It's the documentarian who hates Dad and puts wigs on cows!
Werner Herzog?
You're a hurtful slut, Bob!
PPPrince of Persuasia
[listing tips for attracting women] Dress like her dad. It releases a hormone called moan-atonin.
When you get into an elevator with a woman, press a higher number than her and then make a big deal about it.
Push her in a lake.
Be one of the tallest guys in the bar and brag about how long your butt-crack is.
Sing a song that you supposedly heard on the radio, and make fun of her for not knowing it.
Use the word "idiot."
Never make her pancakes. Force her to make you pancakes, in the middle of the night.
[At the Farmer's Market]
Dad, don't forget to get more monkey brains!
Yeah, and we need more unicorn testicles.
That's where dreams are born.
That's gotta be the food critic!
A Civil War reenactor?
Ugh, I can't stand all that drab grey. No wonder they lost!
Time for the charm bomb to explode.
It's him! It's the Moody Foodie!
Gene, that's Mike the mailman. You've seen him every day for the last five years.
It's the long con!
[pointing at Gene] It's him!
Tina, that's Gene.
Long con!
What kind of a maniac wakes up an hour early to write erotic fanfiction?!
Me.
Are there any shows or movies left in the world that you haven't perved up?
No. That's why I've started writing erotic friend fiction, using people at school. And zombies.
Oh! Do the janitor and the vice principal! I think they'd have beautiful children!
I did, and they don't.
Detention is no big deal, Mom. Don't have a crap attack.
[Dramatic music]
What did you just say?!
A crap attack? Don't... have one?
[Dramatic music]
Don't you tell me not to have a crap attack! I'll have a crap attack anytime I want! Now go to your room!
This is such a snoregasm. [leaves]
Huh! What the hell was that about?
What is it?
A "crap attack"?
LLouis
Yeah.
I don't know. [to Linda] Do you?
Don't look at me!
Well, you're the one that wanted to have one.
You're the one that sent her into her room for saying it.
I don't know what these kids are saying!
... "Don't have a crap attack!" [chuckles]
LGLouise and Gene
HAAAAAAA!!!
Nice, Bob. Nice.
[Louise giggles]
I can't believe Tina got detention! She's changing, Bobby. Tina's turning into a teen!
You've lost her, Mom. Time to focus on your good daughter - Gene!
I'm pretty!
You know, maybe you're overreacting, Lin. I mean, you did have a crap attack.
HAAAAAA!!!
I did a booze cruise through your living room!
AAndy
Cool, Mom packed tampons for lunch!
OOllie
Oooh, share!
[pointing at Tina] You're a freak! [kids laugh, Tammy farts]
TAMMY FARTED!
Oh my God, my ears can smell it! [backs away pointing at Tammy] Laugh-fart, laugh-fart!
[Kids point and laugh]
Tammy made a blammy! Ha ha ha, gross!
No, it— I didn't do it, it wasn't my butt! [farts] That wasn't me! [farts, cries, and runs away] No, no, it wasn't me. Ow, ow! That one hurt.
Bob, Gene, look at yourselves; you're father and son! You're supposed to love each other, not kill each other; this isn't the Bible!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Bob's Burgers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.